Still questioning... Question for straight or bi women

Ok, so first, recognize that there's a difference between sexual and romantic attraction, and these can be different between men and women for bisexuals. I am sexually attracted to both sexes...but much more romantically attracted to women than to men. So I'm more likely to look at a guy and think "damn, he's hot" and have sexual fantasies, but more likely to not be able to take my eyes/mind off a woman I find attractive.

From what you describe, by contrast, you sound more like a lesbian.

 

I certainly find men physically attractive where if I see one I find attractive, I can't take me eyes off him.. I often have day dreams about Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles. Won't tell you the details lol, but I certainly do. I was also fangirling over Misha Collins and Seamus Dever when I was watching an episode of NCIS that they both happened to be guest staring on the same episode.. I also fangirl like crazy over several actresses when I see them guest staring on other shows and feel my heart race.

That aside.. Do you feel like you could fall in love with a guy and wanna be with him sexually, romantically or both? Or do you just enjoy hanging out and spending time with men but in a completely platonic way? I had the same thing for a long time.. Trying to figure out of I was straight or gay.. And I was stressed and tense all the time, thinking I had to decide either way.. But when I decided to just identify as bisexual (thinking of pansexual now but that's another story) I began to feel more comfortable with myself to the point I began to feel more ready to come out cause after so long I had figured it out for myself.. Only you can know for sure what you more comfortably identify as and don't feel stressed to feel you have to know or have to know now.. Just let yourself be comfortable knowing you feel attracted to men and women for now.. Don't worry about needing to identify as anything other them being open-minded.

 

I'm a lesbian, but maybe I can still help you. You see, even with my sexuality the way it is, I can still have aesthetic attraction to men. The difference is that I don't have any romantic or sexual urges for men, where straight/bi women do.

Sometimes attraction works in an odd way. Even though I myself am a lesbian, I never experience lustful attraction for random strangers or celebrities and I rarely point out hot women. However, I was sexually attracted to a friend and had butterflies around her when I noticed I loved her looks and personality. So it can also be a personality thing; people of some sexualities don't feel attraction to their preferred gender on a common or daily basis and only feel it for a very small portion of the population.

So the main question to ask yourself is- if you find men good looking, do romantic and sexual fantasies ever come into play? If not, you could just be a lesbian who finds men good looking. It's not uncommon. When I say a guy is cute, it feels similar to me saying a baby or kitten is cute. Non-sexual situation.

 

Well, I can go to an opera but it doesn't mean it's something I want and would actually enjoy fully. :icon_wink
Btw it's normal even for a lesbian to recognize if a guy is good looking or not, we're not blind, right? But there's a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them.

 

Well, I can describe my attraction to men as this. My attraction to men is more emotional than anything else. Meaning... I'm married to my husband, and I would say I'm emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to him, the whole nine yards... because I really like his personality a lot, and he's special.

NOW, other than him... I'm not that attracted to men as a whole, and whether that's just because I love my husband that much, that I can't imagine myself with a man other than him, or that I am just more attracted to women in general, I am not sure yet. But I do know.. when I fantasize (about people other than my husband), or notice people in public, it's only other girls. And honestly, in the hypothetical situation that anything happened to my husband, and I was looking for someone else... I could only see myself seeking out other girls, not men. So that's why I identify myself as bisexual, but with a definite preference for women. That said, I have yet to have a full-on, long-term relationship with another woman... but I think that has a lot less to do with my feelings/ attractions and more to do with just that it's a lot harder to find women interested in a full-on relationship with another woman.

I do have two types of men I like. I like androgynous men, as in, men that look like women.... and older guys w/ beards, I think, because they remind me of my husband. Other than that... I'd say I'm probably more attracted to girls as a whole, but I still find the occasional man I really dig and want to be with, such as my husband.

Overall, while I may have some aesthetic attraction to men or find the occasional one I think is good-looking, it's more women that really "do the magic" for me. I think that's honestly the best way to describe it... women just have that certain "magic" to them, for me, whereas with men, it's more like... there's just the occasional one that sparks my interest.