I suffer with ocd and a couple times ita moved to the thought of being gay. Thats almost gone noe but now I'm left in a period of limbo. All through my teens I was extremely attracted to women. I assumed I still was but this time with the hocd an attraction surfaced towards guys. At first I thought it was false attractions but now they have really become apparent after a extremely difficult year I am slowly working towards acceptance, i didnt realise but for the past 6 years I haven't been attracted to anyone, i guess I had repressed the memories of what attractions actually feel like. This is the tricky part my body doesn't respond to anything male related, i have spent the last 9 months attended to jack it to gay porn with absolute no success, my gay fantasies do nothing for me i have to go back to thinking about women to actually be able to ejaculate. This started as a ritual test but now has become an everyday thing. I've tried images every day but nothing. But when I skype with women I get turned on really quick and just thinking about women I get an erection. But I feel almost zero attraction towards women. Did I turn gay but my attraction didbt replace another it was over years but each attraction went over night or came on over noght like light switches. 99% of my dreams are about women either sex or romantically and as I still obsess this is almost every night occurrence. My therapist says I can't be gay he thinks at least I'm bisexual and due to a few traumatic events I repressed my entire sexuality and the male one surfaced. But to me it feels like I obsessed so much and intensely that I crossed wires in my brain. I just don't know what the hell is with me, it just feels far to bizzare looking back to think I've had an underlying attraction to guys for the last 25 years. I just can't see it.. Could do with opinions or theories here even if its just so I can discuss them with my therapist.. My brain leans one way and my body the other
It could be repressed emotions surfacing, but considering you can only get aroused by women and get romantic feelings only for women...i can't really give an opinion. I would ask you have you ever felt like no girl would like you? Felt like you weren't masculine enough? Ever was called gay by your peers or parents? Ever felt like you fit the stereotype of a gay man? I would assume HOCD stems from stereotypes and rules of what makes a man straight by his looks, personality, body, and hobbies. I remember when i was younger the kids would say "that is so gay"/"that is gay". I don't know if they still say that, but i wouldn't be shocked if they said that when you were a kid. So could be from when you were young, kids and even parents would judge a kid by the way he act, looks, or hobbies on if he is gay. Only ideas and questions i can think of that could make you have HOCD or where it could stem from. And like i said it could be that it is just suppressed emotions coming up and facing your sexuality can cause anxiety and depression. Hope this helped a little.
Thanks for replying. I have no idea why I have ocd maybe i did have serious repression going on. But no i have never been called gay. I am Infact the stereotype straight guy, except I'm not keen on sports. There isn't a single gay stereotype about me I've actually told quite a few of my mates my situation and not a single one even thinks I'm bi just going on my personality, including girls I've slept with and life long friends, family even one of my gay mates said he has never picked up a single gay vibe from me. And no i have never felt that girls won't like me, not trying to sou d big headed but quite alot of girls like me, Infact the "notches in my bed" are in triple figures so have no problem with self confidence. The whole situation is insane. I can't wrap my head around it. The ocd isn't the issue here anymore I'm moving on from it just this whole weird situation. On paper I'm gay and straight but only half of each. :help:
Maybe you are bisexual... Are you sexually attracted to any guys right now? Like want to kiss or do more for a specific guy?
I've been a recluse most of the year. So I go by what I see on tv. I do find guys attractive nowhere near as Intense as I used to with women, but I feel almost zero attraction to checks now. My attractions to men comes with absolute zero desire. I find about 80% of guys attractive in some degree. I just don't understand that 100% of my bodily response is towards the fairer sex. I feel I can't call myself gay, straight or bisexual. Because nothing is lined up ---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2014 at 04:08 AM ---------- *chicks
It is normal to recognize someone's beauty even in those of the same sex. I wouldn't call that sexual attraction. If your attractions to men come with zero desires and your body doesn't respond to men, but instead you have attractions to women with desires and your body responds to women. I would lean more toward that you are straight. But, this is just my opinion only you yourself knows your sexuality. May i ask how do you feel when you are intimate with a woman?
The first obvious question that stands out to me since you have OCD and are seeing a therapist is: are you on any sort of medication for your OCD? If you are this can have a huge effect on your sex drive. Most medications used for disorders such as OCD can have major effects on your libido. If you're not then that's obviously not an issue here. My second question is: Does your form of OCD revolve around obsessive thoughts such as paying close attention to a person's physical features? Is it possible that you're attraction to men may be the obsessive thought of men themselves? Kind of like being in love with the idea of love? Just some things to think about.
Hey, no I'm not on any medication, I've tried them all but have learned to deal with it on my own. That's a great second question and yeah I'm sure my ocd really isn't helping this matter but I'm pretty positive that it is a genuine attraction. Unless my brain is really doing a number on me. But please forget I mentioned the ocd. I'm pretty sure I've got it manageable. Or so I think. It does usually only last 6 months at a time then just moves onto something stupid like collecting. It would have passed by now if this attraction hadn't of formed. Ergh this is so annoying. Like I said it feels like wires have been crossed somewhere down the line or I am actually experiencing a complete orientation change and my body just hasn't caught up yet
Guess the only advice left is to let time tell...date/go with anyone who sparks something in you and just go with the flow. As you start expressing yourself more you'll discover more about yourself. Sometimes becoming obsess with something can be just you trying to understand something about the lgbt community. I know obsession is sometimes used for distraction of other stuff we are not ready to face. I would say i have pretty mild OCD...and i notice my obsessions become bad when i am dealing with something i don't want to face. So could it be that? You are over focusing on your sexuality instead of facing certain issues in your life or self?
I can understand your confusion. I'm pretty sure I'm gay, I feel a sexual attraction and a romantic one for guys. I didn't start liking guys until about a year ago, but I thought I was bi. I can't really see myself as having had an attraction for guys that I just didn't notice for sixteen years, so that part of your story makes sense to me. (But that's not to say that I didn't , because it's possible I was just really oblivious) I tried to watch gay porn and look at pictures of guys when I was first figuring it out, and I didn't really get much response either. It's confusing, but I know what I want, and I just follow my heart. (as cheesy as that sounds) It sounds to me like you might just be curious, or bisexual with a preference for women though as you dream of and are frequently attracted to women, and not so much men.
I don't know how to reply to the OP, but I can say 'yes' to all of these. I'm wondering what woman would want to be with a guy who is as androgynous as I am. I'm not your typical 'bloke' and honestly, I always had to make an effort - ie, not be totally free to just be me - in order to be 'manly', whenever I was with a woman. Now, though, I can't be bothered anymore. If there are any women out there who don't mind androgynous, gentle types of guys, I stand a chance with them, otherwise I can see myself ending up with a guy similar to myself. Which is all I have wanted for the past six months anyway. By the way, OP, I'm sorry I can't give any advice, although I can relate a little to some of your confusion at present.
