Got no idea how to title this. I would never say that I'm 100% lesbian or bi. There's a lot of grey area and I'm definitely somewhere in the gray zone. For the past five or so years I have had crushes (mostly) on girls. I can appreciate and talk about good looking guys though, but I haven't fallen for a guy for a very long time. Now I've moved to a completely new place and I've met new people and there's this guy who is so much like me (honest, truly themselves, not judging) and I feel like I can relate to him, and relatability is something I look for in a relationship. The thing is that at the same time there are some hot new girls here and whenever I see either of them I literally melt. I've no idea if they swing my way and I don't know much about their personalities though. But I've spend time with this guy. I'm pretty sure the guy might be into me, and I really can't tell if I like it or not. I mean I like it, but he doesn't make me want to melt into a puddle like these girls do. Then again these girls, whom I've both talked to and they seem very nice, I don't know much about them. And I can see that if I took the time I could learn how to have fun with the guy, or get to know one of these girls. It's just WEIRD. I think I'm getting to the sexual / romantic orientation spiral here, which I've never understood.
It could be that you are "bisexual" (for lack of a better word) but alternate your preference for one gender over another. There are also people who need an emotional connection in order to feel sexual attraction. Perhaps you need an emotional connection to a man to be interested in him. However, you are sexually attracted to women always. You could just really like him as a friend, too. Best be careful in these waters. Hearts could get broken. :icon_wink Since you say you wouldn't classify yourself as either lesbian or bisexual, then it's likely that you have feelings for this guy. You can call yourself queer (if you need a label) and just enjoy all that the world throws at you! There is no wrong way to love (between consenting adults, obviously). ---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2014 at 07:32 PM ---------- You could also be lonely and/or bored and attention is always fun wherever it comes from. I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just thinking up possibilities.
Well first, it is absolutely typical (though not universal) for a bisexual to have periods where they feel more into one sex than the other. We can fluctuate from day to day or from year to year or even decade to decade, depending on the individual. So it's possible it's just that. But the other perspective I'd toss out there is that some people (myself included) are just plain into intimacy. It's not about their bodies or what's between their legs (though their physical forms can make us melt); it's about our interactions, and how close (emotionally/spiritually) we seem to be able to get. It sounds like with this guy, maybe what you're getting attracted to is the closeness you've developed...even though his physical form (male) is at odds with your main sexual preference. And on the other hand, these yummy women you mention have forms that you find super-hot, but their distance (lack of closeness) makes them less attractive than the guy. Does that resonate or make sense at all?
Thank you both for making me feel alright. I've just been thinking that what I'm experiencing is weird and there's something wrong with my mind, and because of this I couldn't figure out my thoughts and feelings myself. LittleDrifter: "There are also people who need an emotional connection in order to feel sexual attraction. Perhaps you need an emotional connection to a man to be interested in him. However, you are sexually attracted to women always." This makes so much sense. It's so very true (and now I'm just thinking that how could I have not worked this out...) And about your edit; because I don't know this guy completely yet I can't classify my like as just friend like or like like. But I know I'm not just bored and lonely, because that's something I recognize and feel bad/guilty for when it happens. biAnnika: "It's not about their bodies or what's between their legs (though their physical forms can make us melt); it's about our interactions, and how close (emotionally/spiritually) we seem to be able to get. It sounds like with this guy, maybe what you're getting attracted to is the closeness you've developed...even though his physical form (male) is at odds with your main sexual preference. And on the other hand, these yummy women you mention have forms that you find super-hot, but their distance (lack of closeness) makes them less attractive than the guy." Again, this makes so much sense. This is so logical it makes my brain hurt. Thank you, thank you. I guess sometimes you just need someone to spell these things out for you. I'm not sure how I'll proceed from now on, but I appreciate your answers and thoughts very much. Phew, I feel so relieved now.
I'm glad we could make you feel better. (*hug*) This stuff is always scary :***: to deal with. It is okay to feel worried. Sometimes you're too close to a situation to see it right. It is our job on EC to help each other by seeing things in new ways! It's good to see that you're self aware enough to notice the difference. I was just asking because I've done things I'm not proud of due to the fact that I didn't understand the nature of my feelings. I have pursued men because I was seeking validation and I confused that desperation with attraction. (It sounds stupid obvious now, but it wasn't at the time! ) I definitely think biAnnika is on to something. I imagine that something similar to this can lead someone to desire sexual/romantic closeness with a person that doesn't mesh with their orientation. However, I'm probably out of my depth when it comes to sifting through the specifics of attraction in a bisexual context. With that in mind, I think time will tell as to whether this is a relationship in the making, or not. ---------- Post added 4th Oct 2014 at 11:45 AM ---------- You said this a better than I did. :lol: I realized that what I wrote in my first post here came out wrong. When I put "bisexual" in quotes, I was trying to avoid giving kaypulu a label they might not want. I was absolutely not trying to undervalue bisexuality as a whole. I just felt bad after rereading my comment and wanted to clear that up.
