I don't really know where to start.. Well first off hi! ^^ This may sound unusual (actually I know it is cause I obviously made some research), and I really hope I'll find people like me or who once were.. I will be 18 in 3 weeks, and I have never felt attracted to anyone in any way (by this, I mean sexually or romantically of course). And I've obviously never fallen in love either. I now believe I may be asexual..I mean, is there any other explanation? And so, HOW CAN I KNOW MY SEXUAL ATTRACTION?? (yes I need labels) Is all this normal?? I want to love, and I want to be loved. So it seems like my brain just invented fake crushs towards strangers. It started off when I was 13 (I had just read romantic books for the first time, which "triggered" my interest towards that kind of thing), and I had this infatuation towards this guy in a higher grade for 2 years. Then it went on to another guy in a higher grade, but quickly to a tomboyish girl only just cause she looked at me (in a higher grade too), and then 2 years later to a bi girl I saw in the bus just a few times. I got OBSESSED with all these people and kind of stalked them.. Yes I'm ashamed, but never would I force them to do anything of course lol. But I did think of them constantly, I found them all on facebook (even though some were literally COMPLETE strangers), looked up where they live, and basically anything I could find about them on the internet... I really think it's my brain messing up with me, I'm not crazy or anything don't worry. I know that cause I also have very very low self-esteem (physically wise especially) and I have social anxiety, so I feel like no one would fall for me or even feel attracted and so as soon as someone looks at me I feel like they like me and then I get obsessed (it's like "compensating" strong self esteem or something I dunno) (above were my main infatuations, but it regularly happens). ANYWAY, do you think this low self esteem thing and all is just, like, "stopping" me from falling in love? Or even feeling attraction. Or could it be the way I am and will be for ever??? Like, is this asexuality? Cause asexuals are supposed to feel romantic attraction, and love too of course! But I don't in any way. And never have I had a "crush" toward someone I knew beforehand (like not even their name) :'( Please I need advise on what to do, how to act to change this etc. Have any of you went through this at one point in your lives? Am I the only person like this on earth lol? I think I may be lesbian anyway but still.. :'( :help: Thanks in advance for you help!! (*hug*)
Hi Keane. I know what you mean about wanting a label for yourself. I don't know how to know if you are asexual and/or aromantic, but when you say that you have social anxiety disorder and low self-esteem, it is possible that the anxieties might keep you from feeling so-called normal romantic feelings. It's also possible to have things where you need to connect to another person, personality-wise, to feel the attraction. I hope you wont feel like *I'm* trying to label you, I'm really just wanting to suggest some ideas,ok? Keep talking and asking questions. We will all do our best to help, ok?
Also, a girl rencently catched my eye.. she's really pretty and all, and it seems like the universe is doing everything to make it work (like, I'm at uni and we're 800 in my division, and she ended up sitting next to me the day after I had seen her for the first time, also we have only 2 lessons per week in a small class (we're 15) and she ended up in the same one as me! out of 800 people she ended up in my class, though we're only 15! and more stuff too lol) Anyway, I think that "crush" thing would just stop if we became friends. And this even if she was an amazing person (she seems to be), even if we became best friends or something. I think it's always just my brain inventing these crushes, and it will just never happen for real... ---------- Post added 5th Oct 2014 at 10:29 PM ---------- Thanks so much!! Oh well I hope that's it then! Cause it would mean it's not "natural" you know. Hmm, yes I read about that, but there are people with great personnalities, and I've never felt attracted to them :/ But maybe it just won't happen easily with me, I dunno.. Thanks a lot again for you help! ---------- Post added 5th Oct 2014 at 10:32 PM ---------- (I know* people with great personalities) And omg I didn't know about that aromantic thing! I really hope I aren't!! :'(
Try not to worry Keane. I think that wanting to connect is a good sign. Sometimes you have to take a chance if you're going to connect with someone. I *know* it's hard. I *know* it is.
Hey! Not all asexuals experience romantic attraction! Aromantics are people who dont. Sometimes they have qpps, or 'Queer Platonic Relationships', like living with your best friend, and/or having a romantic relationship despite not having attraction. Many aromantics have 'squishes', like a platonic crush. Like, you want to become their best friend. Cupioromantics are aromanrics that want a romantic relationship despite not feeling romantic attraction. Your anxieties can't control whether you have the feelings, only whether you'll act on those feelings (if you have them in the first place) or if you feel that they would be reciprocated. I know the feeling on wanting a label. Don't rush yourself, keep your options open, and you'll eventually find one that feels right. I've seen people go with wtfromantic/ quoiromantic until you figure it out. I hope that helps you!
Asexual means you aren't attracted sexually to anyone and aromantic means that you don't experience romantic attraction, and graysexual means you barely experience romantic attraction.
Thanks to all of you!! But theflyingelf, are you sure about the fact that my anxieties can't hold back my feelings? Cause depressed people can't really feel much love either, and I thought it may have similar consequences. I just hope it isn't the "real" me you know. Cause yeah I really don't want to be aromantic!! I don't care about being asexual, I don't feel that attraction and I don't need it in any way lol. But it just depresses to think I might be aromantic... But thanks for all that info theflyingelf and BloodyKiwi! It was really useful. I was trying to find stuff that may contradict all this lol, but I guess you're right.. I read aromantics actually do need to develop connections of a romantic nature, and as you said it can be fulfilled in a platonic way. So it may not be so bad now aha. I mean, as long as you can be happy? I think I really need that best friendship thing. I've spent most of my childhood with a best friend I constantly wanted with me. I didn't care about anyone else.. but it definitely wasn't love. Nothing like that, it was just the feeling of being with him. Problem is, I was extremely jealous and wanted him all to myself... lol -.- But funny thing is I one day decided not to be friends with him anymore (he wasn't such a nice person after all) and it was surprisingly easy to not even agnolige him anymore Thanks a lot everyone, I would never have found out about all of this on my own! I will try go down the normal road first though, as Starfleet advised me, I will try. ^^ Gosh, this is kind of a shock x) I feel slightly depressed -__- I'd never thought I might never fall in love.. I always believed it wasn't actually possible. Why do people tell us that everyone will fall in love one day??? -.-" Spent years waiting for it lol
Hi Keane. (*hug*) I'd say, you don't really know yet, either way. Right? Trust yourself. And having really good friends is such a good thing.
Hey I don't know about anything about anything myself but it's best to let the thoughts come and go if it hurts ask why and move on don't let your feelings get the best of you also I noticed try this look at a man and a woman and literally feel your heart if it pounds at one more than the other go with that and let it go don't dwell on it too long or else you start sinking if you know what I mean
Keane, I'm sorry you are feeling sad. (*hug*) Come talk to me here, Honey. You will never be alone with Starfleet around, ok?
Sorry for leaving yesterday, but it was late at night and I guessed I should go to bed cause I felt like poop lol ^^ Thanks Starfleet you're so nice!!! (*hug*) You're right, I thought about it today, and I'm just going to go with the flow I guess aha. I mean, I dunno, I'll just act as if I was "normal" (cause yeah sorry but being aromantic is not normal, it's lame) and see how it goes. It's the best thing to go right? And thanks a lot confusedlost! Those tips will be useful! ---------- Post added 7th Oct 2014 at 09:26 PM ---------- but Starfleet, can't you, like, send a private message? ---------- Post added 7th Oct 2014 at 09:35 PM ---------- Why are you feeling depressed? I really can't send private messages >.<
Hi Sweetie. It's been a rough day, but you didn't do it. We don't get private messages until full membership, and it takes awhile
Oh :/ hope you'll feel better soon Oh wow ok that's lame >.< ---------- Post added 7th Oct 2014 at 10:27 PM ---------- Oh no but wait we can't chat via our walls cause I haven't posted 10 messages on the forum yet..
