Hi! I don't exactly know where to start, but oh well. So throughout my whole life I've made a pretty good job of making myself believe that I was perfectly straight- something that was greatly influenced by my slightly homophobic and very religious parents who were always really stressing the fact that they, of course, don't hate "those kind of people" they are merely "not normal and living the wrong lifestyle". Add a narrow minded environment and you get a deeply insecure girl whose greatest fear is to become "one of those people" one day- and really, starting at the age of 11 that was my greatest fear. I even had nightmares about it. I didn't want something to be wrong with me, I didn't want to be different. (Though I guess I always knew I was, but I buried these "non straight" thoughts deep inside of me and never allowed myself to question anything regarding my own sexuality.) And that didn't change for a very long time, growing up I developed a few crushes on boys and I had my first sexual experiences with boys. Though I never really developed any deeper feelings or an emotional connection whatsoever, and the minute a relationship or "something more serious" was mentioned I always bailed and of course blamed it on the fact that he was just not the right fit (and I don't know, maybe I've got a few abandonment issues too, but that's not too important right now) And then a few months ago I somehow started to learn more about feminism and that lead me to learning more about gender and sexuality and ultimately lead to me starting to educate myself properly and somewhere along those lines I just finally realized that hey, you probably like girls in the same way you think you like boys. and that hey, maybe that is not a bad thing Which -okay. Was kinda overwhelming by itself, but okay. But then I started to question, really question my sexuality. And the things is- I just don't know. I don't know if I like boys the same way I like girls, and I'm not even sure if I'm really "allowed" to say I'm not straight when I have no experience with the other sex whatsoever (which is stupid, I know, but it still bothers me) and I don't know whether I really care about gender at all, I mean humans are just pretty great. And then again at other times I can't really see myself in any kind of sexual relationship at all. The whole thing is just ... frustrating. So frustrating. I don't really know anything about my sexuality except that I am most definitely not straight but other than that? It makes me feel really lost. And I'm not sure that is going to change anytime soon, or how. I mean how do you put a label on something that mostly just confuses the hell out of you? Do I have put a label on it at all? I think I've been pretty okay with not labeling myself so far, but I don't really know how I would explain any of this to my friends or my family? And I think it would be nice to be able to put a name to it, just because it would probably make it feel less ... strange. So.... Thank you for reading all of this, i'm sorry if anything didn't make sense, as I said I'm pretty confused as well.
Hi. I'm a girl that likes to label what I'm feeling, and you can see my labels on my profile there. The nice thing about EC is - no one is going to judge you for picking a label, and no one is going to judge you if you later change that label for something more appropriate. I'd also say to you that you don't need experiences to "prove" that you are Gay, or that you are Bisexual or whatever. If you feel attraction towards the same sex, then you do. I'd say, think about how you really *feel* inside. Is there a term that excites you, or that explains it for you? Then take that label, for now.
Here's something you might want to consider. I call myself Ashe-Sexual. I'm Ashe, and Ashe knows what she wants, be it a boy or a girl or any other gender. Or perhaps no gender at all! The closest term for it would probably be pansexual, but I've never really liked that term, so I go with Ashe-Sexual. Maybe you can be Cinnamon-Sexual? Also, you don't have to validate your sexuality with relationships. I've never been in one with anybody, but I still know I'd be open to a lot of different things.
I don't have any experience in LGBT terminology, and even less about sexual relationships, but my point is that you don't have to put yourself in a (sexual) box just to fit and don't feel different. You could just say "I'm an human being and, since we are a sexual animal, I'm attracted to human beings" if that is what your heart tells you.
I had the same issues with wanting to put a label on myself but honestly not knowing what label I should go with. Straight, bi or lesbian.. Whenever I thought of straight or lesbian.. I got really confused and really stressed out about it all.. Then I came to the conclusion that I am bi and now realized I am on the cusp of bi/pan and I am more happier with that now. For me it was the most comfortable and at peace I felt with myself once I realized.. However if you find you can't put a label on yourself right now.. Then don't worry about it.. Don't force yourself to hurry up and put a label on yourself if you aren't sure or aren't ready. You also don't have to put a label on yourself.. Just consider yourself to be what I know now myself as "people lover".. I am open to anything happening.. If I meet someone I really like, I am not going to close off and shy away cause I am supposed to be this or that.. I am just gonna go with it and see what happens.. And that has made me most happiest.
I totally agree. I think you have to go according to how you feel and who you are attracted to. The hardest part of coming out and trying to be open with my sexuality is really- feeling like people don't understand the term bisexual. Is it me or is that term kind of blending into "being gay". In my experience I feel like there are a lot of people who decide not to label themselves at least secretly inside. I myself have been struggling with, ok now what do I call myself. I have some experience with both sexes.. but worried they won't get it because I haven't been with either long enough... it seems that's how my mom views it or at least a large majority of that generation. I understand your ordeal though. When I was younger I remember thinking oh wow it would be really cool to be with this model in the James Bond movie- remember the Russian girl.. haha.. nina I think... then my mind was like no that's wrong. People will hate you if you told them... lol.. I was really harsh to myself then. I didn't really think anything of it later. I had crushes on guys in middle school and thought this one girl was beautiful... but I never really got sexually aroused by men. In college and grad school, I fell for two different girls- one of them I fell in love. It became clear to me then that a) I'm definitely not straight and b) if I'm more attracted to women should I call myself bi c) my friends telling me to call myself gay. I believe with every person understanding your sexuality is a journey. Giving it a label isn't absolutely necessary but it is important to accept it entirely instead of trying to hide it. Noone needs to know your sexual orientation. You can just say.. in the word of Hannah Hart- I'm a girl kisser
Thank you all so much for your replys! I really can't tell you how much reading them meant to me . You are definitely right, i shouldn't stress myself so much about finding a label for my sexuality. After all it is a very personal and fluid thing. So i think for now i'll just wait and See whether i'll find something that fits And if not- it is what it is I guess. "People lover" seems nice though I just think that there is this huge expectation from the outside, that as Soon as you say you are not straight (or cis or whatever people thought you were) You'll have to be able to explain in detail what it is exactly that you identify as. At least that is my experience, the closest I ever came to coming out ended with the other person telling me that me not wanting to label myself as gay meant that i was clearly just a confused straight girl. So yeah, not really that great of an experience. But again, thank you all for your replys, they made me feel a lot better about myself!
You don't have to label yourself staright away however you feel then that is how you feel dont stress hun I no easier said then done xx
Hi. I just want to be clear that I support anyone choosing the label that is right for *them*. I don't want to label anyone else. "People Lover" sounds like it describes you well. Anytime you'd like to talk, please come find me.
hii, so I haven't posted in a while but I thought I'd update anyways because I did a lot of thinking and googling and I think I finally found a label that I'm happy with and I'd like to thank you guys again for reassuring me and just being there and talking to me when I really didn't know where else to go you guys are awesome! So yeah I think I can identify with Panromantic Demisexual and ahh that makes me really happy and I hope all you guys are having a great day because you deserve it and I'd really like to shower you all with kittens and cookies and rainbows. Lots of love to all of you! xx
