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Lost, Confused and Lonely

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Nicky24, Oct 5, 2014.

  1. Nicky24

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm new here so bare with me. This initial post may get a bit long. Up until 8 months ago, I had always thought of myself as heterosexual. Living in a small town, I had never met a lesbian but I moved to a larger city about a year ago. I met my first lesbian then and it turned out she was my professor. I thought nothing of it at first. I started to feel an emotional connection with her which turned into sexual feelings as well. This has been really startling for me since I've never dated women or thought about women like that before. On a side note, I've only had one serious relationship with a man.

    Over the summer, I forgot about my feelings. But once I got back to school this fall I started having those same feelings again. I finally reached a point where I had to talk to someone but it couldn't be my friends or family. I chose to confide in my lesbian professor that I was having these feelings (I lied and told her I had feelings for someone else). She helped me go to a therapist about a week ago, where there I too lied about who I had feelings for. I have never been more depressed than I currently am. I'm lying to everyone. I don't know who I am. I feel like therapy is a waste of time. I'm sick of thinking about my sexuality, so I'm trying to brush it under the rug but it seems everywhere I go it follows me. How do I get out of this rut? Is this just a silly phase and if so why am I so depressed?
     
  2. theflyingelf

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    You're sounding bi to me.

    Things that you avoid tend to follow you. Facing issues helps.

    Don't feel bad about lying about that. Its no ones business to know exactly who you like. Millions of straight people lie about who they like as well.
     
  3. NatWheeled

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    Welcome to EC! Everyone here is very nice n helpful! I would continue seeing your therapist and be honest. The therapist legally can't tell your professor. Trying to forget n sweep this under the rug doesn't typically work.
     
  4. HTBO

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    I fell for my professor as well. She was the reason I began questioning and eventually realized I was a lesbian (and I was married and have kids). I completely understand not being able to tell anyone who you have a crush on. My cohort would ask how I came to realize and I lied and said I just began noticing women. I wasn't going to tell them it was her, they all know who she is because we had her as a prof for one of our classes. Even outside school I was hesitant, but I eventually came to realize that the people outside of school were safe to confide in. I never told the prof, and I no longer have a crush on her, but I remember going through that. I agree with NatWheeled, talk to your therapist. What you say there is confidential, and it will help you work through your feelings.
     
  5. RedZeppelin

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    well, i think that the first thing you should do is tell the truth to the people you lied to. it will be hard, but your lesbian professor would probobly understand your feelings more than anyone else.