So Hi!, I'm 18 and half now, and i've been wondering about my sexual orientation for about 1 year now. i don't know how to write/express properly what am thinking because english is not my native language but i'll give it a go. So since i was like 16 i started notice something weird and some question started poping into my head. Question like: "When am i 16 and i never had a girlfriend?" "Why am i 16 and don't feel that sexual desire towards women like my other male friends do?" "Why is it weird to answer to a friend question with "Yes i would totally bang that girl!"?" I deeply new the answer, but i wouldn't even think of it. Yes i'd take a pick when a guy undressed in the locker room. Yes when i "hot guy" walked by i would "break my neck" "staring" at it. But i would NEVER, like ever think i could possible be gay or bissexual. Deep down, i wanted to have the mainstream life everyone wants. Marry a smart girl, have a child and live happy ever after. But then the thought that i might cheat my imaginary wife with a man was ALWAYS hauting me. I mean, i could see and recognize woman beauty but i couldn't imagine my self having sex with her. Just 1month before i turned 18,i went to a party and then proceed to go sleepover at a friends house. We shared bed and it just happened. We started talking and from moment to another his hand was rolling down my torso straight to my stuff and eventually sex happened. I really enjoyed it and i loved the emotion i felt and what we shared. I do think he felt the same way despite him telling me that he wanted to pretend like that never happened. I was okay with it. But now here i'm in college, and i don't really know if what i'm feeling is real or am just trying to hard to be gay. I mean i can see that i fantasise about having sex with guys not only when i'm masturbating but also in class where there is this really cute gay which "seems" gay to me. I admit to myself that i fantasise about it, but i just keep thinking that i can't be gay or wtv because if there was a "Go straight with this pill" i would 95% take it. I just can't acept it despite being right in front of my eyes. It's like i dont want to be gay but i feel powerless trying to go against that. I've tryed to masturbate fantasising about girls and its way to hard to get even a boner. I really, like really tryed to feel aroused by women but was like my body did not obey me. I still like to "impress" girls and stuff but it's more in a way like "Look at me i'm a really cool guy, wanna be friends?" than a "Hey wanna hangout and probably get laid?". And i find it really easy to talk with girls rather than talking with about 80% of the guys, because i just can't seem to find a subject to discuss with them. TL;DR: I just need to know what u guys think about my situation, and i want to apologize for the "long wall text" and my terrible english. Thanks in advance.
HyFeez first off I want to say welcome to EC , Where to start this guy you had sex with may be in the same spot you are maybe he is trying to figure out his sexuality also . I think you need to take a breath and relax a little you will figure out what direction you want to go either with men or women or both its all up to you . It sounds like you are more gay than straight but thats my opinion . I am sorry I cant help much but I will be here if you want to talk sometime
I think you are gay based on what you described. You need to realise sexual orientation is not something you choose and you're going to have to accept it.
First of all when it comes to questions like " am I gay", there's A LOT more to it than just finding someone's appearance/parts attractive. The experience you had with your friend is one of them. It sounds like both of you are on the same boat and experimenting, so there's no shame in that. You gotta consider the emotional attraction, as well as other things. I'd suggest hanging out with that guy a little more, and see where he's at. How do you guys feel about each other? Do you actually like him, or did you just want to experience intercourse? Maybe both? Given the opportunity, it doesn't surprise me that you guys went at it. I personally like my prostate rubbed; doesn't automatically conclude that I'm gay though. I'm turning 18 soon, and while I can't relate to you all the way, I'm also questioning a lot of my sexuality as well. I came to this forum and expected a clear, insightful answer from experienced people, but I found that while people can do the labelling for you, you make the final call. I know that you want to have a clear cut answer to your question, and so do I, but questions like this don't have instant answers. It comes with time, and you'll realize soon enough who you really are. Stay strong bro
