Giving up your bisexuality?

I haven't been with a man or a woman apart from a woman on an online relationship, and thinking about answering this question makes me think I am more pansexual then I thought as I prefer wanting to find someone and being with them based on their personality and who they are inside rather then a man or a woman specifically.

 

I think that I prefer women but I still love my husband very much. I prefer the sex and emotional connection with women, and can imagine myself with them more easily, but sometimes there's a guy that really does it for me, like my husband. Also, I do genuinely enjoy penetrative sex with men.

 

My preference sometimes changes...it's weird.
At the moment my preference is guys .

It is quite hard having to "give up your bisexuality" because you have to marry someone (who is either male or female). I haven't even contemplated about that yet.

 

I think men have a slight edge with me however even in a hetero relationship I would still class myself as Bi. I think that I would be loyal to whoever im with and I wouldnt throw away love for anything.

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. Even I thought "make up your mind, just decide already", but that is impossible for me.

It's about personality, a lot, and the way one looks also plays a part. Some guys are more attractive than some girls, and some girls are more attractive than some guys. I can't state my preference.

Haha, it does make sense! :lol: I've been wondering about the same.

Currently, I have met a wonderful guy I totally fell in love with. I've never been so connected to anyone before. I could say I connect more with men romantically, but I feel I connect more with him. That is not because of his gender.

And I don't worry about "switching". I'm very sure that won't happen. I feel so connected to him, it's something I've never experienced before. He is my true love. Why would I ever want to leave him?

*edit*

I feel the same as Blossom, I might be pansexual as well. I feel that gender is not an issue at all for me. Yet I feel more comfortable with the term bisexual, but I could very well be pansexual.

 

I don't / I'm not.

I'm right down in the 50/50 middle.
While I do have phases where I tend to be more interested in one gender, I usually go back to 50/50 rather quickly.

While I'm in a relationship with my partner(s), they satisfy all my needs.

If I'm only with one person, and my preference DOES shift towards the other gender (And no, I can't control that or do anything about it), there are ways to work it out as long as I'm honest to myself and my partner(s).

As long as I'm true to myself, I will never feel like I'm giving up my bisexuality.
Although I will admit that very strict monogamous relationships tend to make me feel a bit suffocated at times. Can't help it.

 

As one of my best friends once said. If I like them and they like me then why not? Don't label me!

 

pinklov3ly, I'm not sure if there's a correlation between being bisexual and not-monogamous. It might be there, but I've not heard of it (or read about it).

Personally, I am monogamous, but that's me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being not-monogamous, some even argue that it is more natural to not be monogamous. So don't worry about that. (*hug*)

And for me, it's not about 'giving up' the other gender when I am with someone. Being with someone adds so much more to it, that it doesn't feel like giving up at all.

 

Hi Pink,

I've been with a woman for the past 28 years, and no, I've not felt like that makes me any less of a bisexual, or in any way compromises my identity. But I'm rather like you: I simply connect better with women, and while I adore men sexually, I can't imagine living with one (not saying it could never happen, but the odds feel against it). I do feel I'm missing out on something (for 28 years I *have* been missing out on something), but that doesn't mean that what I have isn't wonderful, or that I'd give it up for man.

Oh, and:
SPOILER ALERT: We never get everything figured out.

 

This is the way I feel too, about monogamy and being with a guy. I have friends who aren't monogamous, and that's fine. But I know what you mean about losing your identity, because I was with women for so many years. I've heard of women who start out having same sex relationships at first and then eventually end up with a guy on a more permanent level, but for me it isn't like that. Just because I'm with a guy now doesn't mean my general preference for women has changed. I can't say I'm a lesbian anymore but I haven't changed to straight either. I don't feel like with this guy I'm giving anything up in the relationship itself by being in a relationship with him (sexually, emotionally) but it does feel, odd I guess is the right word?, when who you date is considered by people a part of who you are.

And getting married to someone is really confusing for me. It's like a lifetime stamp that says that you are either straight or lesbian to some people, depending on who you marry. Your feelings are still your feelings, regardless of whether you act on them or not, or are married or not. I don't want to be in the situation of marrying him and then wanting a divorce to be with a woman. Thankfully neither of us are in a rush to get married though, the relationship now is more important than that, so there's plenty of time to confirm what we are feeling.

The dating relationship is only a year and a half old, has been through and still has it's ups and downs. The relationship might end for a variety of reasons, like any relationship does. I suppose he could even find that later in life he might decide he'd rather be with a guy, anythings possible. If it does end, I know it will be easier to find a woman to start over with, but right now I'm not thinking about that, I'm just taking things day by day.

 

I can be monogamous, I have been monogamous but my longer-term relationships one of them was successfully open on both sides as a couple and individually over time and it worked. Another in threesomes.

I've had other experiences when it wasn't successful and I mean I was grateful for the other persons willingness to try but it just wasn't for them - lots of jealousy and control issues started to arise and it just eroded all the deeper connections we had.

I think I am afraid of the idea of longer commitment in which I wasn't allowed to explore. I lean towards men in terms of relationships if I look at my history but I think that's because I've personally found them more willing to looking into all possibilities. However my most successful open relationship was with a woman.

I'd be equally happy with whoever if we could come to a similar arrangement. It should always be negotiable and change over time and it's not as though you meet someone and you immediately start inviting other people over or even broach the subject.

The idea of relationship norms such as marriage, children and even cohabiting scares me with someone who has no interest in allowing me to be sexually open and understands that that is just a piece of the puzzle in our relationship and not a dominating factor which diminishes any of the feelings and desires I have towards them.

It's a process and I believe its possible to strike a balance. But in all relationships its the continual effort and communication that makes it possible.

 

Hey!
If we're speaking about monogamous relationships - which seems to be the case since we're considering marriage :

By being in a relationship, you give up on everyone else. It's not about giving up on the opposite gender of your partner, it's about giving up on anyone who's not your partner. However, I agree that being with a man is not the same as being with a woman. And if you're only with one gender, you might miss the other. But how I see it, when you decide to be with a person for the rest of your life, it means you love their personality. So compared to what you get from the person, you don't miss anything

 

My sexuality is very fluid, but I've kind of preferred girls for the last few months. Guys are still attractive but I really want a girlfriend. I don't know why I'm this way; it's just who I am.
I don't really identify as bisexual but I do like all genders and sometimes I do use that word to describe my sexuality to people.

 

I use the term Queer. Because I have a clear preference for women, but would never under any circumstances say I would NEVER date a male again. I am currently married to a woman, the love of my life. I don't form long term sexual relationships that are enjoyable for me with males, but for a short term I can enjoy them. I still find males attractive and awesome, but for relationships, it's only women I want. I don't like the term Lesbian because I don't feel I am 100% Lesbian, nor do I actually fit Bi because I have no plans to ever have any type of long term relationship with a male.

 

I know I'm a little late to this thread but wanted to share my experiences, anyway.

I have a slight preference for women (if asked I identify as a Kinsey 4), but I fell in love with a man. Had he been a she I would have still fallen in love. Do I feel like by marrying him I lose my identity? Not really. I am still bisexual; my attractions towards men and women may differ but they are still there, I just choose not to act on them.

pinklov3ly, I understand where you are coming from here. I fit a few bisexual stereotypes, myself, and I really hate that. But those traits are part of my personality, not my orientation. Have you considered the fact that you may be polyamorous?

Sending you hugs.

 

It feels that way sometimes. If you date someone from the opposite sex, technically, you'd probably be more involved with the straight crowd, and the same for if you were dating someone from the same-sex. I'm not sure how accepting queer communities are of straight pairings; a part of me thinks they're relegated to "straight ally status", and they're reminded of how privileged they are, and possibly made to feel slightly unwelcome.

Since I've already come out to my family and friends as queer, and have decided that I'll continue identifying as bisexual, even if it turns out there's a stronger pull in one direction, my relationship wouldn't really have much of a bearing on that. Some people will call themselves one thing or another, depending on which space they're occupying, or who they fall in love with, but that's not me. It feels dishonest.

I think it was Woody Allen, or someone else, who said that although he's involved with another man, that he still calls himself bisexual and finds women attractive. That's great, since a lot of bisexuals are pressured to "choose" when in a relationship with a monosexual. And then you have "straight" folk who sleep around with same-sex members, and "gay" people who admit to having occasional straight urges or attractions, but that really only proves that labels aren't the end-all.