Aromantic lesbian? Does that work?

I have met a few lesbians online that were aromantic and I think it is possible for a lesbian to be that way , my ex long distance girlfriend been that way her whole life . She just can't do romantic relationships and she tried but she can only connect with women sexually and also had no sexual romantic interest in men . So it is possible .
I think there is aromantic people in all sexual orientations .

 

Omg this is crazy I'm EXACTLY the same!!
It's been 2-3 years I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian, but I really don't know how I "know" this, cause I've never felt sexual or romantic attraction either!!
There are some girls I find really pretty, but then again there are some guys I find handsome. I also find flowers pretty and older or way younger people pretty so I don't think that can determine people's sexual orientation.
At some times I wonder if my interest in some girls might be because I want to be like them. In anycase I've never felt romantically or sexually attracted to them.
There are some girls I think I like, but I really do just think it's my brain messing around with me aha, I kind of crave relationships too O.O

I must admit I really feel relieved you've poster this thread xp cause I do NOT want to be aromantic.
I want to be able to love like every other human being on this planet.
I don't really quite understand this.. I mean, it can't actually be normal! Love, infatuation and all those stuff are basically just the effect hormones that were released by your brain have on us. But why doesn't our brain do this?? We must have some kind of problem If anyone had any other kind of hormonal abnormality, they'd go see a doctor.

I seriously don't care about being asexual, I mean, it might be a problem in (possible) future relationships, but it doesn't seem actually necessary or whatever. But love! It's the meaning of love, it's human instinct, it's the base of art and a lot of people's main preocupation! Why can't we feel it?? D:< I'd like it if more research was made on it, they may find a "cure" I don't know lol I've seen they did studies on oxytocin (a "love hormone") and they'd spray some in people's noses to see the change in brain activity as they'd see their lovers photos or photos of other women etc.

This is just so lame seriously I don't know about you but it depresses me aha.
And I want to know for sure I'm a real lesbian! I mean, for all I know I might think I am for psychological reasons or whatever. If we weren't aromantic or asexual it could be so much easier to find out :'(

 

I'm going to give an unpopular opinion here. Within the LGBT community it is natural to be understanding and accepting of others (absolutely justly, of course). But I feel that this has the downside that there are many many many labels that perhaps have no base in reality, and are more a feeling that people have at a specific time in their life.

Romantic attraction tends to be something that stems from sexual attraction, and as such, in general your 'romantic orientation' is not something that differs from sexuality. I cannot tell you that nobody on Earth is an aromantic lesbian, because nothing is impossible, but the likelihood is extremely small that you are one, and not just a lesbian experiencing something else in your life which has stopped you feeling crushes on other women.

In general, romantic orientation is something for asexual people who have no sexual attraction, and therefore have the need to label their highest level of attraction to other people as their romantic orientation.

I would bet a lot of money that you are just a lesbian who has never had a crush on another woman.

However, saying all of that, I am just a creepy 18 year old sitting on a computer in London. You are you, and only you know yourself. However unlikely, if it happens that you are in fact an aromantic lesbian, then fair play to you. Go and enjoy your life.

 

How do you know you are a closeted lesbian if you have never felt an attraction? I think you must have but it was not one worthy of what you perceive real love to be. That is just a speculation. I too am at a place where I think my last lasting relationship will be with a woman, but up until this last year I never thought that would be the case. How funny that we are experiencing the same sort of dilemma only years and years apart.

I don't know much about the concept of aromantic but I truly believe when the thunderbolt hits, you will know it. It will happen.

 

I should have read your OP through a bit more. Only you can label yourself, but if you enjoy looking at naked women then yes, i guess you are attracted to them.

 

CandyCane : I feel the exact same way
And we seem to have had a very similar life regarding relationships and all aha

But what jahow95 said really did make me think. Thanks a lot for your message cause it gave me hope xP I had had that same theory in the past, but a few people contradicted me so I thought I was wrong.
Cause yeah, I don't know about CandyCane, but I've personally had anxiety problems all my life, with very low self esteem (espacially physically wise) and social phobia. Problems as such might influence our brain. That's what happens with depressed people for example, like they have a decreased libido and all.
We are still at quite a young age, sexual and romantic attraction typically occure during early teenage years, and so in my case at least, it wouldn't have "decreased" or "suddenly stopped" or whatever as for the depressed people, it would just never have occured.

Other factors I would take into account, on the fact that we presume that we are lesbians, is that not only are we repulsed by male genitalia lol, but might also have problems regarding men in general. I am asbolutely not saying this can make someone gay, I'm just saying that if we have problems with men, and have automatic prejudice regarding straight men at least, it might just make us believe so (as we don't have much other evidence).
Also, I do often wonder if I'm actually attracted to someone or if I just want to be them, or be friends with them, or look like them, or dress like them or be like them. For example, I'm an androgynous tomboy, and I feel really attracted to other ones for no known reason.

This being said, I still do hope I'm a lesbian for some reason. I might have just got used to the idea. And I do hope jahow95 and Tallu are correct xp (you've really reassured me, thanks! )

Though, jahow95, how could an asexual aromantic "enjoy their life" aha? T__T

 

I think your mistaking what an aromantic is it's some one that feels sexual attraction but not romantic or emotional attraction . asexual and aromantic is not the same thing
asexuals feel romantic attraction but not sexual . Just clearing that up .

 

Yep, very possible. I've heard people say that you can't be aromantic if you have a sexuality since they go together, but what about sociopaths; do you think because they can't love it means they don't like sex? I'm not saying aromantic people are sociopaths at all, but It's an example how our sexual orientation doesn't always match.

At the same time, if you fantasize about a relationship but just don't want one, that doesn't mean you're aromantic (although it could be possible for you). I don't want to be in a relationship either; I just feel like it would get in the way of my space, I don't trust anyone enough, etc. But I'm definitely not aromantic. SO It's possible either way.

 

@Keane, my understanding is that in general people who feel sexual attraction can't be aromantic. People who are asexual can be aromantic.
If you are asexual then it's entirely possible that you are aromantic, however the fact that you think you're a lesbian must mean you have some kind of subconscious recognition of attraction.
Either way there's a lot more to life than having a relationship, I would never judge my life based on the quality of them, there's plenty of other things to do.

@Fallingdown7, that's completely different, it's like me circumcising myself and saying it makes me Jewish. Having anti social personality disorder is not the same as being aromantic, and there's a spectrum of severities with people suffering from it differently.

im not sure if my circumcision analogy works but im gonna roll with it anyway

 

@jahow95 Yes you can be aromantic and not asexual. That's like saying you can't be romantic and asexual. I happen to know plenty or both. Actually my GSA just did something on aromantic sexuals for NCOD.

 

Actually It's not, because anti-social people have regular sexualities. There are heterosexual sociopaths, homosexual ones, and bisexual ones. Even asexual ones. And many are aromantic. Many even enter romantic relationships and lack an emotional attraction which is what the term means.

Aromantic just means that you don't feel romantic attraction. You don't want a romantic relationship. And even if you enter a romantic relationship, you don't feel that kind of affection for your partner.

Not everyone can fall in love (although they can still love, there's a difference). Many straight men only want casual sex with women; this is showing an aromantic attraction. If you're attracted to someone enough that you can point out people are sexy and want to have sex with them, that does NOT mean you are 'in love' with them or want to spend the rest of your life with them.

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same thing. You can be attracted to the thought of having sex with people and be turned off by relationships and romance with these people. And likewise, you can be attracted to the thought of relationships and romance with someone and be turned off with the thought of sex with anyone.

 

There is a lot of argument as to whether sociopathy and psycopathy are different things or the same, as far as I'm aware most experts consider them to be the synonymous. Either way, sufferers of Anti Social Personality Disorder are often referred to as psychopaths (I've since realised they're not actually synonymous). I was not talking about people who could be described as antisocial.

There is no evidence to suggest that, for the vast vast majority, 'romantic orientation' can differ from sexual orientation. It is used by asexuals as it's more useful to describe themselves.
I'm sorry, but you're saying all of this stuff as if you're an expert, but really this seems like the kind of information you gather by talking in threads on here with other people who are speculating about what the hell is going on with their sexualities. It's harmful to state things as facts when you're not really sure, for the OP, for example.
It is absolutely not 'aromanticism' for a man to have sex with a woman without wanting a relationship, that's just called not wanting a relationship, there are many reasons for that, or not being capable of falling in love - such as being hurt in a past relationship.


In fairness, this is such a grey area that there aren't really any facts on it. You seem to be describing aromanticism as some kind of post-event way of describing some kind of attraction, whereas I'm thinking of it as an innate orientation akin to sexuality.

---------- Post added 13th Oct 2014 at 05:51 PM ----------

To sum up, I'm reasonably sure that romantic orientation is only for asexuals as a more useful measure of their preferences. Otherwise, you feel sexual attraction, and an emotional connection, or attraction, can sometimes arise from that. There are many girls I'm sexually attracted to, yet having spoken to them I'm not in love with them. That doesn't mean i was aromantically attracted to them, or that I'm aromantic, just I'm not feeling anything emotional for them at the moment.
Sexuality is a pretty animalistic, instinctive thing and love develops from that - as far as i know.

---------- Post added 13th Oct 2014 at 06:04 PM ----------

You start by describing people as aromantic, being those who cant feel romantic attraction, and then describe a specific attraction as aromantic? You've changed your definition midway through your post?
I know many men who only want casual sex, but they're not incapable of having a relationship. So by your reasoning these men are not aromantic, but they experience aromantic attraction?

 

I agree with you on what your saying mostly. That's not what aromanticism is. It is a separate thing, and not a way of attraction. If someone is an aromantic sexual, they stay an aromantic sexual. It doesn't mean they don't want a relationship, it means they just don't feel romantic attraction to anyone. Ever.

As we have no way to conduct research ourselves, we should agree to disagree that you can be aromantic and sexual.

 

Sexual orientation is just for non asexuals, romantic orientation is just for asexuals.
I've never seen any kind of evidence against the above statement.

 

What evidence is there against aromantic sexuals?

 

I'm not saying that just because a man wants casual sex that it makes him an aromantic, considering he can experience that with someone else. It's just an example to show that some people only feel sexual attraction to others and never ever ever 'fall in love' or show emotional attraction to either gender. It's highly possible. If you can fall in love without ever wanting sex, then why can't you want sex without ever experiencing love?

I'm not saying It's an action either, although I get that my wording might have been misinterpreted. Many aromantic people get in relationships and have boyfriends/girlfriends, but the feeling they have for their partner is not 'romantic attraction' but more so 'platonic attraction' with sexual desire mixed in between.

It's asinine to assume that just because someone feels sexual desire for someone it means they they also feel emotional or romantic feelings. Sex =/= Love

I'm also not diagnosing her because she seems to feel romantic attraction but doesn't want a relationship which is different from being aromantic in general.

 

Aromantics only feel sexual attraction and not romantic attraction . I don't think an asexual person can be aromantic .

 

Um, aromantic= doesn't experience romantic attraction.

Not - experiences sexual attraction.

Many asexuals are aromantic. Actually, the common misconception about asexuals is that all asexuals must be aromantic.