Hi there. So I'm 26, and I guess you'd think I'd have figured it all out by now... I really can't seem to, and I'm only getting more confused lately. Never really spoken to anyone about it but maybe someone here can help me to make sense of it. I'll try to summarize * I have always had issues with intimacy, I used to be really afraid of it. None of it came naturally to me, and took a lot of time and effort to overcome and be able to have 'normal' relations, I guess. * I finally got into my first relationship at 20 (so pretty late), and have only ever dated men. * I always called myself straight on these grounds, but the label feels inaccurate. I've always found girls attractive, just never acted on it. I've sometimes found myself fantasizing about girls during sex with guys. Lately it feels like I'm just going through the motions, without any real desire or attraction. * I go through periods where I seem to lack any kind of sexual attraction to anyone, of any gender. Part of me wonders whether I'm actually asexual and just forcing myself to do things that aren't natural for me. I don't know. I feel really lost. Any and all advice would be appreciated, feel free to ask anything if you need more information thank you x
My advice is follow your heart and desire and let time discover aspects of self. If you follow your heart/desire you will learn what you like or don't. There are many women who now identify as lesbians that thought that they had intimacy issues when really they truly didn't have intimacy issues they just couldn't be with a man. You could be asexual... if you have no desire to sexually be with someone...you might. But really just follow your heart/desire and let time time. You won't regret it if you just do what you think you will like and see if you will actually like it. Take your time. this is a site with a forum for people who are asexual or wondering if they are: General FAQ | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org This will give you answers to general questions as well as give you access to the forums. (hope it is okay to post this reference.. i think i can) The thing is many people go through periods where they just don't want to be sexual with someone for any number of reasons. Hope i helped a little.
I can't be of much help but I will say that sexuality is a very fluid thing. Sometimes I wake up straight as an arrow and other times I am like "why can't I be gayer?" It really just depends. So based on what you have said it doesn't not sound like you are very into guys, maybe I am wrong but that is just what your post makes it seem like. But you are curious about doing anything with women and/or aren't actually that interested in sex. Based on those guidelines it is very hard to apply a label, if you are feeling the need to. I would say just put yourself out there and try to find a woman you are comfortable with and just go from there... Exploring usually helps point you in the right direction and then you just have to start the journey
Thank you for your replies And I think just acknowledging that sexuality is fluid has been helpful for me, I think maybe I've tried too hard to put myself into a box that I don't belong in. Instead of stressing over it I will just give it time and explore as you both suggested. I guess I don't need all the answers right away The asexuality link was really helpful, I'm thinking I may be gray-A rather than fully asexual as I have experienced sexual attraction, it's just pretty rare. Sometimes it develops after getting emotionally close to someone, which I think they called demisexuality. Perhaps that's what I am, as I never just meet someone and want to sleep with them straight off. Either way, it's reassuring to think that there are other people who experience this! Thanks again!
No problem happy the link helped I can relate where if i see a hot chick.. i am like wow she is hot i want to take her out on a date, but I am not right off the bat wanting to have sex with her. I don't think that makes me demisexual personally, I just think i might be cautious about who i allow into my life on a sexual level. So that might be the same with you too. Yep just take your time and discover yourself at the pace that is good for you. (&&&)
