Is it OK to use an inaccurate label?

Mmmm....I guess it would depend on the situation. I mean, obviously a guy can't show obvious attractions to women, enjoy sleeping with women, and actively be turned off by men, while saying "I'm gay" but there are times where labels can get too complicated and for some people It's best to simplify.

I tend to use the label 'asexual' when it's not completely true and I've been sexually attracted to people before. BUT, I feel it helps because said sexual attraction is so extremely rare, and many times I haven't even felt it for people I was in a relationship with. I don't like the term 'demisexual' (even if It's more accurate), so It's more helpful for me, and for my partners, to assume that sexual attraction most likely won't happen.

 

I don't like the misuse of labels because it leads to dysfunction. It's one thing to be in the closet, but if you're going to come out as something, come out as what you are. Otherwise it just breeds contempt in phobics that they justify by calling out people's deception and/or confusion.

Would I be mad at someone who used the wrong label for some perceived advantage? Probably not, but I'd tell them to fix it when the time is right.

 

Yeah, what Fallingdown7 said. I think it's fine to use a best-fit label even if it doesn't fully describe you, but using a wholly inaccurate label seems like a poor choice. I identify as gay, but I have a feeling I might be Kinsey 5-5.5 or something. For me it's not useful to make a distinction, so I go with gay.

 

I feel the same way. What I try to do is think "What would my chosen label mean to the average person?" to simplify things. I could say I'm gay, because I only want to be with a woman physically, but I suppose I could say I'm "a little bi" too because I am occasionally attracted to men. But if I said "I'm bi" most people would assume that means I am interested in being with both sexes, which I'm not, so "gay" it is for now.

I still have a lot of insecurity about this, myself, which is part of why I've not come out to more people yet. I worry about mislabeling myself because there doesn't seem to be a "perfect" label for me. Try maybe to think of these terms not as absolute strict definitions, but more like an "umbrellas" under which a variety of people might fall.

 

I think it is okay for people to use an inaccurate label as long as it isn't grossly wrong.
Sometimes, people's orientation are too complicated to label so it is easier to go with a simpler term like gay, bi or straight.

Me for instance, I identify as homo-flexible because I'm mainly attracted to women and occasionally the opposite-sex. However, when I come out to people I tell them I'm lesbian since it is easier to understand.

 

Yes, but it depends. First of all, if you're not straight, you shouldn't let people assume you are. But you're not under an obligation to get technical about your orientation or gender either. Your obligation is to let closeted people around you know they aren't the only one. This is a matter of personal safety for them, and you are obliged to help them.

However, I think it can be be acceptable not to use the precise term to identify yourself in the following circumstances:

1) You just want people to know you're not straight, but you don't want to explain the full complexities.

One of the women I fence with is a pansexual, and she's in a relationship with another woman right now. However, if people ask, she'll just say she's gay. She's not, but she doesn't want to make things difficult for people who don't understand. The point is, they know she's not straight.

2) You're trying to date anybody who is gay or lesbian, but you aren't also gay or lesbian.

I'm sure it's pissed some of you off before, but I'm not going to stop mentioning it: hatred and distrust of bisexuals and pansexuals is still a problem in your community. We're not going to stop reminding you of it until it stops being a problem. Because of this bigotry, I have advocated that multisexuals don't identify themselves when they are dating in the gay and lesbian communities. Identifying as "gay" when you're a bisexual man dating men or as "lesbian" when you're a bisexual woman dating women is okay. When you're solid with your partner and feel that you can trust them to make a rational decision with that information, you can provide it at that time.

 

It really depends, I agree with the last poster a lot there.. I myself feel I am on the cusp of being bisexual/pansexual.. When I come out.. It will most likely be as bisexual as pansexual is a little more complicated to explain.. However I will still always feel like I am on the cusp of bi/pan and that is what I most feel comfortable identifying as.

 

To my thinking, no label is ever completely accurate, which is why a label should be viewed as kind of a business card, a small sign with only the essentials, it doesn't say much, but it's a good way to get the conversation started on just what that label means to the person who chose it.

 

This pretty much sums up how i feel on this topic , couldn't have said it any better myself .

---------- Post added 19th Oct 2014 at 11:11 AM ----------

To me that doesn't sound any different from bisexual but learning more towards women

I used the label bisexual when i was coming out I wasn't sure what I was at the time even though back then I wasn't attracted to the opposite sex at all or wanted to date them . Plus bi is an easier label to come out as if your gay , I lost a lot of friends coming out as lesbian . So I guess it can work well that way too .

---------- Post added 19th Oct 2014 at 11:17 AM ----------

I think some labels are very accurate well in my case I think mine summs me up pretty good I'm only interested in women sexually and romantically and not men . pretty much what the word lesbian means so it works for me

---------- Post added 19th Oct 2014 at 11:17 AM ----------

I think some labels are very accurate well in my case I think mine sums me up pretty good I'm only interested in women sexually and romantically and not men . pretty much what the word lesbian means so it works for me

 

I came out as bi, before really realizing all of the stereotypes and hurtful things associated with bi/pansexuality... Now I almost wish I had come out as gay, just to make things simpler for everyone. But oh well. Too late for that now.

 

I'm queer, but I say I'm bi because people either react badly and think I being offensive to someone, or they are confused about what it means and I hate actually explaining my orientation to people, it makes really uncomfortable so I like to avoid it.

What I'm trying to say is that as long as people understand what you are in a way that you're comfortable with, then it's fine.

 

As long as it's for simplicities sake, yes.

 

No

mislabeling can harm the people who accuratly use the label

 

I think simplifying is okay, or going from a larger-ranged label to a more specific (yet a bit inaccurate), smaller-ranged label, such as:
Bisexual leaning homosexual to gay
Pansexual to bisexual

But going from a smaller-ranged label to a larger-ranged label, or complicating it, such as:
Gay but has straight exceptions to pansexual
Bisexual with no attraction to non-binary genders to pansexual

This would open up possibilities that probably shouldn't be opened. If that makes any sense.

 

In terms of sexuality, gender, etc, I think it's fine to use a more general encompassing label and determine specific modifications to that label if you need to, and let people know (if you feel the odd need to let people know specifics). Having 5022348932 labels, one for each tiny niche, is more confusing imo.

 

I voted "Depends." It all really comes down to the particular person and that person's particular circumstances (from sexual orientation all the way to whomever that person is coming out to).

 

i agree with fallen

 

I think it depends on the situation and who you're talking to. For me (a Kinsey scale 4.5-5.0), I am technically bisexual-but I far more often think about dating a woman. If I'm talking to people in the community, they get it-I just say "bisexual with a preference towards women".

With people outside of the community, if I say I'm bisexual, they tell me I'm confused. So I go with gay. Eventually, I may have to tweak that label-but for now it's working for me.