possibly bi and SO many questions

Alrighty, first post ever... So, for a really long time, I thought I was "really straight." Over time, after finally allowing myself space to embrace things that I was never really okay rejecting, that identification moved through "fairly straight" to "rather close to bi." Like... I've never had a full-on crush on a girl, but then again I've never really even allowed myself to think that that could be an option for me. There HAVE definitely been moments where female bodies have been super turn-ons, and recently, I've been finding myself wishing that I had another girl to be in a relationship with. But... *that* level of imagining, of aligning myself with bisexuality instead of just "bent heterosexuality" is really new for me, and I'm keep running around in my head wondering, and questioning, and not being 100% sure, and wishing I had answers but not knowing how to get them...

My roommate/best friend has offered to go to a lesbian bar with me and try to arrange my smushing faces with some number of consenting women, and I guess that might sort of help answer the question, but... that way of testing out my sexuality just doesn't feel completely okay to me. Like, I don't like going to bars to begin with, and I'm already uncomfortable being hit on by guys in that sort of setting, and I've already adjusted to the idea of returning male affection for 23 years. Like, honestly, my ideal scenario is randomly meeting someone I click with in a library, not a bar.

So. I'm shy, and prefer organic, meaningful connection - but how do I explore my sexuality that way? Because "meaningful connection" to me implies a lot more certainty than I have right now about what I want or don't want romantically/sexually.

Okay. Basically, I might be bi. But... how do I do this? So much confusion. =/

 

Exactly! Like, I want to be able to figure myself out without exploiting anyone else. I want to explore, but I want genuine connection, not just random interaction fodder.