messed up big time and i'm confused

Even if you're gay, the opposite sex can still elicit a romantic/ sexual response. So I wouldn't freak out and over think the situation. However, I sure can understand your desire for control, that's something we all seek, gay, straight, and bi. It's something we seek from when we're children all the way to the point of death.

But control is learning how to think properly, it's learning how to tackle situations that throw you a curveball. It's also about learning when to detach from situations that are beyond our control.

If you're a gamer, play a game. If you're a movie buff, watch a movie -- just do whatever distracts you to ride out periods of stress.

 

If you are worried about depression or anxiety, I'd encourage you to seek counselling. It sounds like you're in an academic space, so I hope your school can provide counselling. If not, there are surely clinics and centres in Birmingham.

If kissing a friend has made you feel anxious and unsure of yourself, you need to ask why that is. It sounds like you're worried because it's challenged your gay identity. If you enjoyed it, there's nothing wrong with kissing someone. What matters is that it felt good. But if you're struggling with anxiety as a result, that's something that needs addressing. You sound like a smart guy. I wish you well. Sending you strength.

 

Hi OP, I've gotten myself in a similar spot lately. For what it's worth, society has a huge sexual taboo on everything and that has unfortunately extended to just simple human touching. Studies have shown time and time again that people need the sense of touch satisfied to stay healthy, and sometimes we just take that wherever we can get it when we are at our lowest. And I don't really think, we should be made ashamed of that, especially by people that are so desperate to prove we're NOT gay. I guess if you're worried about yourself, try to think of where you would ideally be in twenty years without depression: can you see yourself with a woman? Or is it always, when you get to unblur the depression and bad feelings and desperation and loneliness, a man? Is it both? It's okay if you realize you might be bi, and it's okay if you know you're gay but our simple human instincts, denied to us by a society that's scared of them, took over at a time.

People are assholes, and if they shove it in your face "oh see you're NOT gay!!!", fuck them. Life is complicated, people are simple but made complicated, and if that's all too intimidating for them to think about then fuck that. Think about what you want to do I guess, maybe tell the girl you're in a tough spot right now and just need to think about everything, you're not interested in pursuing this right now. Go to counseling at your school, if available, for depression and anxiety. I know it's hard but know this isn't "messing up", you're in a bad spot and people (ESPECIALLY WHEN DRUNK :V) make odd decisions and rash choices when they are in bad spots. It's hard but try not to worry about what people are saying, proving them right or wrong, but go talk to a licensed professional and just let all that worry out for a bit. In a perfect would it wouldn't be there, hopefully you can reach that conclusion too. I hope you feel better OP. Don't let people around you decide who you be. The stress is probably very intense for you, and it reads that way too, so please go try and let some of that out. Good luck, friend

 

When we are drunk we do things that are out of character - things we would never even contemplate when sober. It's only when sobriety kicks in that we have chance to really consider (and sometimes regret) what we have done. If you are now regretting your actions, if you feel as though you have messed up, it would be entirely reasonable to say you acted on impulse when your senses were numbed by the alcohol. Many of us have been there!

This is the feeling you need to pay most attention to. It's a sober feeling of wanting to run.. of wanting to remove yourself from the situation. It tells you that you are not comfortable or happy and you cannot possibly offer something more to this girl-friend of yours. In other words the last two years wasn't a phase. You still feel the same and your sexuality has not changed.

You need to give yourself time to heal and recover from the hurt of breaking up with your boyfriend. You are a little bit vulnerable right now and when you're in a difficult place your feelings can become disrupted and blown out of proportion. This wasn't a life changing incident for either of you.

 

I'm sorry for your troubles but....how does a label help with anything ? You kissed a chick while you were drunk . If you're into it , be into it . If it was just being drunk, deal with that. How did labeling yourself help you with the relationship with the dude? I'd imagine that you guys were pretty much on your own with it . When it ended ; it ended . What has the label got to do with the how, why, where , when ? I read endlessly here about people and their labels for themselves and everyone else and their specificity and accuracy . I think you and a hella lot of others need to simply take a very deep breath or whatever you need to do and just BE you. YOU exists without an external/innocuous monicker.
Srsly , I'm not trying to minimize your hurt . It's just how I see things .