Here is my problem. I want to start coming out, but I am not sure what to come out as. I am what you would call 1 girl short of gay. I am happily in a mixed orientation marriage with my wonderful wife of 9 years, together for 11. She is honestly the only woman who turns me on. Not sure if it is emotional, or just some weird mojo she has over me. Other than that I am gay. If I come out as gay people would not understand the whole wife thing and wanting to still be married. If I come out as bi, it would not feel right because I really and not. Anyone else come out in a similar situation?
I sorta think we (me being in essentially identical situation) may be the first vanguard of guys like us coming out. Previously no one in their right mind would have come out if they didn't HAVE to. Course we're probably also the last generation of guys like us getting straight married. So IDK ... it definitely confuses people.
I too am in the same situation... its a tough call... but you know I always think we have to do what is right for us... and let the people around us deal with it. That being said I am not out much either... so in the words of Basil... IDK! lol
The other problem, at least from my standpoint, to the "my wife is the only one for me" is that it makes me wonder if people would look at her funny. "What is it about you that turns on a gay man?" I've seen several closeted gay guys marry very masculine women. My wife will get enough collateral damage from me coming out, I don't want to make it worse by giving her the left-handed compliment of "not being like any other woman"
Yeah, my wife doesn't take it as a complement when I tell her she is the only woman in the world I would want to be with. I find it funny myself that she is encouraging me to come out. I would think it more awkward for her than me.
I think there's a misconception that 'bisexual' means equal attractions to both genders. If you've felt sexual attraction to both men and women, you're bisexual by definition. If you're familiar with the Kinsey scale, you might identify around the 4 mark. These links might help you a little: Kinsey Scale Test The Bisexual Index | Bisexuals aren't all Kinsey 3s
But the question is what to call someone who is a 4-5.5. Is sexuality a line with a straight point on one end, a gay point on the other and everything in the middle is bi? Or is bi the middle third? Where is the dividing line? I think there is still debate about just how broad the definition of "bi" is. 99.9% straight (or gay) doesn't make you bi. But what about 94.6? And what snowbird describes sounds like more of 5 to 5.5 Kinsey.
It would be more of a 5.9. I understand the kinsey scale, but it is hard to explain when coming out to someone. I think I'm just going to tell people I'm gay, then explain the wife part later.
You could tell people that you are bi and primarily attracted to men. That doesn't discount your relationship with your wife. It sounds like you are planning to stay together, so it might be weird to introduce her to friends later on if people think you are completely gay, especially if you are together an enjoy being intimate together.
