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Personal Acceptance

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by burntout, Oct 14, 2014.

  1. burntout

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    I came on this site for the first time a few nights ago just in bits. I've pretty much struggled with depression constantly in one form or another since the age of 18. I think I'm beginning to put a link between the depression and my own inability to accept my sexual identity. Being honest I don't truly know what it is, its something that just keeps going round and round in my head. I guess I'm quite a brooding person. I don't really know what I want in life, I think I just want to be normal but that's something I'm sure I will never be.

    Anyway, I think I want to hear how everyone came to accept their own sexual identity. Was it something you naturally accepted and moved on in life? Or was it something that you struggled with on a daily basis? To what degree did you struggle if you did? I think if I can accept my own and move on, that maybe I can start sorting out the rest of my life.

    All help appreciated, thanks for reading.
     
  2. Confused Teen18

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    I still haven't accepted mine. Reading your thread made me really look back at my life and realize how similar our situations are. I have just about every symptom of depression and it sucks. I worry about coming out; sometimes wondering if i will ever be able to.

    I still don't know my purpose in life and i'm impatiently waiting for an answer. I have an imaginary world in my head where i am a happy person. In reality though, my life sucks.

    If you want someone to talk to, feel free to add me. Take care :slight_smile:
     
  3. TheStormInside

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    I wish I had more practical advice for you, but what I can say is I relate. I have been struggling, a lot, on a daily basis. Sometimes just pulling myself through the day seems nearly impossible. I have a history of depression and anxiety, though, so while I know uncovering my orientation is a part of it it's not the sole cause for me.

    Some days I feel pretty good about myself. These are the days I am either distracted and not worrying so much about my sexuality and coming out, or the days that somehow I gain an attitude of "so what?" about being gay. I haven't really quite figured out the formula for achieving these days. They just seem to happen.

    Other days, like today, I kind of collapse. I can barely think of anything else. I can't focus on work and I have panic attacks. It can be really rough.

    I try to remind myself that my sexuality isn't all of who I am. And that there is nothing inherently wrong with being gay or bisexual. I remind myself that I don't hate others for being gay, so I shouldn't hate myself, either. I also try to remind myself that gay rights are coming a long way, and if I am able to come out I can live a fuller and richer life. That before figuring this out about myself there's always been something not quite right, and knowing this means I can follow a more genuine path to my future. I hope some of those thoughts might be helpful for you to consider, as well.
     
  4. Alyss

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    I have similar feelings. I suffer from social-phobia (afraid to leave home) and its due to my sexual orientation...
     
  5. MrBrightside

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    For me it took years to accept being gay. I knew for sure when i was 15 and ended up losing all my confidence and being depressed and shy. It took until i was 19 (almost 20) to finally come to the point where i was so down and drinking so much that it was either come out or end it. So i came out to my friends as a last throw of the dice and its the best feeling you'll ever have.

    For me though coming out to my friends (as bi initially) and then my parents as gay 3 months later was just the start. When i came out i changed alot as a person, in that i became more confident, didnt hide parts of my personality any more and people had to get used to that. I lost alot of friends and gained alot of others. I found that even just after i came out to my parents i couldnt look at gay guys, watch gay films or even say "im gay" to the mirror without a panic attack. But with time it does change, time helps you accept yourself and others accept you.

    I started chasing guys after i came out, had my first date in april, slept with a guy in July (a year after i came out), and now 18 months after i told people i was gay i finally accept it myself. Its a long process but you will get there.

    I'm not depressed anymore either, i have very minor anxiety and im part of an LGBT group and seeing a guy. So yea, hope something in that rant helps :slight_smile:
     
  6. burntout

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    It's so good to just feel like I'm not alone in this. Reading both of what you guys say, it's the same situation I'm in to some extent. I told my best friend I think I'm bicurious and he seems to have accepted that kind of passively, kind of like he didn't give it much thought. It feels kind of like possibly coming out further is the steps needed to be able to fight back against all the other shit in life, the one tiny step that's needed to be able to sort myself out and find out who I am and what my place in this world is.

    I don't really know how other people feel, but, I think I'm driven by some need to contribute to the world. But I find myself stuck at this one hurdle just tearing myself apart at a personal level. Oh god, I'm rambling. I don't know. Depression has a horrible way of throwing you inside your own head, which now that I think about it is weird, because even though you spend all your time thinking about who you are, you know yourself less. And I'm rambling again.

    I don't know. It's a vicious circle.
     
  7. burntout

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    This helps a lot. Knowing there is light at the end of tunnel. Think I've been fighting with my sexual identity for roughly 10 years now, just want to get it sorted.
     
  8. Celatus

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    Hey man I've been in the depression pit too and it sucks. You basically feel like sh*t all the time. Only after I got better did I come out because then it doesn't feel like something horrible. And for me its not. I can't help acknowledging I like guys too, and frankly I'm fine with that. Lol I like to say that being bi makes the world twice as fun :grin: Don't fight it man, it's totally ok to be into guys too. If you dont mind my asking, about how old are you? I suppose it would be difficult to struggle with your orientation for that long. Seriously, coming out (even to yourself) feels liberating.
     
    #8 Celatus, Oct 14, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2014
  9. Polka Dots

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    I empathize, burntout. I've struggled with anxiety and depression on-and-off throughout my life, be it due to my sexuality, my health, my career, or otherwise. I lost both of parents when I was in college; when that happened I closed off the world to such a grave extent that it took my loved ones intervening for me to see the ravine I had dug for myself.

    To answer your questions:

    1.) Was it something you naturally accepted and moved on in life?

    No -- not at all. It took me years to acknowledge my same-sex attraction wasn't going away. I still struggle with my gender and that was a battle I started when I was twelve (I will be celebrating my thirtieth birthday in the coming months).

    2.) Or was it something that you struggled with on a daily basis?

    Forget daily; before I came out to myself I struggled with my sexuality on an hourly basis. Now I am comfortable with who I am and how I love but am constantly learning more about myself and my preferences.

    3.) To what degree did you struggle if you did?

    Please see above.

    I hope this helps you. I echo what others have posted: Coming out to yourself can be very liberating. It certainly saved me.

    If you ever need a virtual ear, please let me know. Sending you positive vibes.
     
  10. thekillingmoon

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    Acceptance didn't happen overnight for me. It used to freak me out at first. Eventually I was fine with being bi. I didn't realize I was a lesbian until a few years ago and though liking women wasn't new to me anymore at that point, it still wasn't exactly easy for me. I don't have any regrets about being gay now. I still worry about coming out to other people, because I know there's a lot of prejudice against gay people. Sometimes I'm worried about my safety if I happen to come out to someone.
     
  11. burntout

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    I'm 24 now, and it honestly feels like the longer I've left it, the harder it's gotten to be who I think I am. Guess that starting to come out is the key thing to moving on and being happier with myself. Small steps. Got to do this to figure out who I am. Thanks all you guys, it's okay just reading messageboards but actually posting has made me feel like I've connected with people. Thanks so much!