Hello, My name is Kara. I am an open lesbian (to my family only.) Sadly, I haven't been in a relationship in several years. I know that is pathetic but I simply don't know where to go to meet people. There is an LGBT bar in my town but the problem is I don't drink. I would feel a bit ridiculous going to a bar/nightclub and not order a drink but this bar is literally the only place I know of to meet other lesbians. I want to be in a relationship but i'm stuck in this rut. Would it be stupid for me to go to the nightclub and just sit back and watch everything? I'm not much of a socializer so i'm not really sure how to act or introduce myself to someone without feeling like an idiot. I know this is all very pathetic and I apologize. I hope someone can give me some advice because I don't know where else to turn. Someone please help!
I get what you mean, being lgbt does kinda limit the people that you could potentially date. I remember when i first came out all the gays i knew stopped speaking to me and i went ages with no gay friends, and nobody to potentially date. In relation to gay bars, nah its not weird not to drink at a bar, plenty people dont and thats fine. From my experience id say only go with mates. Generally at bars people get drunk and look for one night stands. It is annoying because you have all these people you can think about potentially dating and its just hard to make tht connection in that environment. The best way to meet other lgbt people is finding an lgbt group. Youll quickly find how you feel is perfectly normal, and that lgbt people tend to know alot of other lgbt people as a result, and it becomes like a spiders web of people knowing other people etc. Once you meet some people, even if you only make friends theyll have other friends you can meet and it goes from there like a chain reaction. Other than that, socialising with work colleagues or having hobbies or generally making friends can help u meet people. The key to finding the right person is meeting plenty people, and meeting lgbt people. ---------- Post added 15th Oct 2014 at 01:27 AM ---------- Forgot to add, you can also try dating sites online. Try to avoid apps that focus on hookups if you want something of substance. There is a certain stigma to online dating but in the lgbt community ive found that its extremely common and many relationships start that way.
As far as not drinking - order a non-alchoholic beer and then nurse it through the evening. They generally don't taste great, but are cheaper than the regular drinks and you get a lot more than you will if you just order a soda (generally speaking). If there's dancing (and you like to dance) being able to rehydrate cheaply is nice too. If you want to try taking a sit back and watch approach that's fine. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again. If the bar isn't really your thing, then maybe see if there's any kind of community center, meetup groups, LGBT friendly church congregations in your area. You might also see if there are any friendly charities or other organizations that might let you meet people. If they are LGBT friendly, then some of those people may themselves be LGBT and potential dating material. Others may know people who are potential dating material. And if nothing else you get to lend your support to a good cause. Hope this helps, Todd
