For a while now I have questioned who I am, and after a recent chat with a friend, finalized that I am straight. Now, never did I think I would have to ask the almighty 'Am I gay' question...but recent events made me question. I started college (UK) and I am a 16 year old male. I have only ever had relationships with women, and I could never see myself with a man. I want to have sex with a woman, not a man. I find women both sexually and physically attractive....but the only issue is, that I find men PHYSICALLY attractive. Like I said, I would NEVER have sex with a man, as to me (personally) is it extremely off putting and seems wrong in all ways - and I know I would never be happy with a man. But I often wonder, why do I look and admire men so much? I find myself looking at both women and men, but at men for a whole different reason. I analyse features; like the face, build and definition and such...but weirdly...I actually masturbate to them. Now, I'm not a well built, nor good looking person and I often became envious of features that guys had, that I want. I just always used to cast it aside as jealousy. I end up saving photos of attractive guys' bodies to my phone, masturbating to them...and then deleting them in disgust. I have been speaking to a girl in college, in a 'more than friends' manner, and I am really, really attracted to her - both sexually and physically. I would definitely have sex with her if I had the chance, and I find her extremely attractive. I would kiss her, caress her and so on...all the things any couple would do. She thought I was gay at first (or sounded it, should I say) so that made me a little confused with how I act. I just don't like this whole 'masturbating to guys abs or features' kinda thing...while I have feelings for this girl. It's like 'why am I doing this? I'm in love with a girl'...It's a habit I want to get out of but I just can't seem to stop. There's no feelings there...so why do I do it? The longest I've gone was about two weeks without masturbating, and when I masturbated after that, it was to lesbian p*rn which was an AMAZING feeling. I've noticed I don't actually 'c*m' when it's over a guys' features..I have watched gay p*orn before admittedly, and I have masturbated to it. But after, I felt disgusted, and at certain points throughout it I would become so sickened by what I was doing and quit watching, because certain things they did made me feel ill. I guess they just seemed a lot more passionate, and it was a change from the 'norm'. But I've only watched it about 4/5 times...in comparison to to straight/lesbian porn 98% of the time. Can somebody please help me? I am so extremely confused, and I basically need all the help I can get. Has anybody gone through this before? Are there any suggestions to help me stop? I'm worried that if me and this girl progress into a relationship, I may find it hard to get erect...but I don't know why. Thankyou, ConfusedGuy4321
inb4 internal homophobia Having that said, I do not believe you're experiencing internal homophobia, as you mentioned that you could never see yourself with a man and that that you know that you wouldn't be happy with one. But, yes, it's entirely possible for straight guys to find other guys physically attractive. There's a lot of superfluous terms out there, but let me tell you about some of them. The most famous one is sexual orientation. That's basically who you're sexually attracted to. Then, there's romantic orientation. A little less common. That's who you're romantically attracted to. And then sensual attracton. It's who you're sensually attracted to. Not necessarily sex, but like cuddling, kissing, and so on. And finally, aesthetic attraction. This is who you're aesthetically attracted to - who you like to look at, who attracts you the most. A lot of people cut it off at sexual or romantic attraction and never, ever go into sensual and aesthetic attraction, because the majority of the people's orientation matches each other (for example, a straight guy will probably like to have sex with, date, cuddle with, and look at women and not men) but in some cases, people will have variations - like you. TL;DR: There's a thing called aesthetic attraction. You probably have some sort of aesthetic attraction to men. This does not mean you're not straight - it just means you can recognize and acknowledge the attractiveness of men as well as women.
A perfect reply. Thank you! I never knew of, or considered any other type of label. I did not know that there was such thing as an aesthetic attraction, but reading over your definition definitely sets my mind straight, and that's probably what I am. That clears up a lot. Thank you again, no need for me to worry now. :icon_bigg
