So I've made a thread here a long time ago and got some great advice on that thread. However a lot of new developments have occurred and I'm so desperate for help it's taken over my thoughts almost all the time. Basically, I have straight tendencies, I think some girls are attractive and sex with them is definitely appealing. However muscular guys turn me on even if I don't want them too. Personally I don't want to be bi or gay, however I have nothing against them at all and have many close friends who happen to be bi and gay and they mean the world to me, however I just personally do not want to be it. I've read up a lot on HOCD and a lot of the symptoms apply to me but I still get aroused by muscular men. I don't even want to have sex with them at all, but the arousal still happens. I'm so tired of questioning and it's increasingly made me depressed and I honestly just wish the whole issue would go away and that I wasn't attracted to anyone. I don't think I forgot anything but if I do I'll add on to this. But please I need as much help as I can get. Does me being a young teen have anything to do with it like are hormones affecting it? I'm just so done with trying to figure this out...
Because this is such a concern for you, I would consider talking to a therapist or school counselor about it. You don't want to be having these attractions to men, but since you do, you need to figure out where that attraction is coming from and how you want to address those feelings. Ignoring them or wishing that they would go away will do nothing but make you face them further down the road. You don't want to be gay and there is a possibility that you aren't gay. In the end, you like girls and you like being with girls so you don't have to pursue your attractions towards men. Just get that part of your emotions sorted by talking to someone and then move forward.
To Benmjy, I understand your frustration. Isn't it annoying how people have to put labels on other people? Isn't it also really annoying how some labels are considered lesser than others? What I want to say is where you think your confusion is coming from and why you feel the way you do towards males. To be gay is ok, as long as you keep it hidden, as society commands. Or it may be ok completely, in other societies. Sexuality is fluid and changeable. I identify as gay because I find I am attracted to masculine features, not necessarily strictly males. Your arousal from men may just be a phase or change, but it does sound like you are romantically interested in females more than males. As for your 'attraction' to men, you sound like you have a 'sexual' attraction because of the arousal, and not the idea of sex with a man. I think you should not worry too much. When I was confused, I hated it, but let time carry on and things fell into place. Is there someone you can talk to? A friend, family member, councillor? As long as you chat to someone face to face, I think you will find it helpful to speak. And stay safe and don't do anything radical. Stay strong.
This made me feel a lot better. I wanted to elaborate a little bit on how men make me feel. Any time I get aroused by a man I immedately become upset. There is no pleasure for me at all. Also I've always wanted a better body much like the men I get aroused by I feel a sort of jealousy and admiration at the same time... I'm not sure if that information changes anything but I thought it was important to bring up.
I was diagnosed with this form of ocd but I still doubt 24/7. Read these articles as well as part 3 'the groinal response'. See if you relate. If it is ocd its a horrible condition whereby you doubt and question and feel afraid everyday.Its chronic and torments you. I hope this helps.
Thank you so much for your response, however is there a link in your post? As of now I'm not seeing one.
