Today was an excellent day! This Sunday, I decided to explore my sexuality after a period of anxiety and fatigue. I came out as queer four years ago, but feel like I am coming out again. Thus the title, "Day 1, year 4." Here are some steps I’ve been taking: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...gay-steps-im-taking-explore-my-sexuality.html One of those steps was going to the local Rainbow Resource Centre for walk-in counselling and to join a men’s queer group discussion. The walk-in counselling was fully booked when I arrived, which was okay for me because my needs weren’t urgent, but would be a concern for someone dealing with more immediate needs. I sat around in the resource library, the largest in this region of Canada, and absorbed some fascinating history and research. One study found that fantasies about homosexual experiences were one of the primary fantasies of heterosexual men. I would like to see other studies along these lines. I also learned later in the evening that heterosexual married men or men in relationships with women are a fairly large customer base at one of the local bath houses. My initial reaction was laughter, but it turned to sadness when I thought about the level of internal repression and lying to one’s self and one’s partner. It’s a reflection of our society, and a signal for what we can work on. THE QUEER MENS’ GROUP This group meets every two weeks to either just hang out, discuss a topic, play games or watch a film. It’s a healthy mix between substance and fun. I also like that it’s an social environment away from alcohol and drugs where people can meet. The topic of discussion was HIV, and it was such a pleasure to listen to two HIV-positive men share their stories after a detailed slide presentation on HIV, how it’s contracted, how it can be prevented, treated, how it’s conceived and so on. Their stories were about personal shock, depression, sadness, loss (of a partner to AIDS), coping, finding strength, rebuilding, and adapting to a happy life, that includes HIV as a reality. Both speakers now have long-term partners. They are getting on with their lives. It was truly beautiful to hear their stories, and I hope more people can hear stories like theirs. I'm looking forward to November when the LGBT* Volleyball group starts, as that's another community and network I look forward to being part of. Stay tuned.
