I've previously posted here before, but i'm still a bit confused. I've put together a whole list of all the reasons i think i am/arn't straight and would like some opinions. I'm sorry this is really long Btw I'm a female currently in a same sex relationship. Thanks for the help! ----------------------------------------------------- -When i was 12 i recall a specific conersation with my best friend about men. (I had dated 2 guys that year.) I specifically told her "I've never actually had feelings for a guy before" However blew this off purey as something that would come with puberty - As i grew older i began developing a lust for men. I would Easily look at a guy and think "oh i want to have sex with him", however the closest i ever got with a man simply felt like a friendship level. - I've still never met a man who gives me butterflys, who makes me warm, who i get excited to see etc. However i just kind of blow this off as being a result of not having the oppurtunity to get close to any of the men around me. -When i was 14, i had my first crush on a girl (she had short hair). My interest with her was beyond anything i've ever felt for a man. It was different, it was beyond just a friendship kind of feeling. I didn't even have to speak to her to develop an interest. But i tried as much as i could to get her attention and followed her around everywhere. When i had to leave her, i would get really sad and daydram about her. (sexually too.) Being around her made me happy and excited. - later on I met another girl, who i became best friends with. Things got sexual and i just wanted a friends with benefits thing with her to experiment however i fell in love with her instead. I would think about her everyday 24/7. The infatuation just went on for months and i would talk to her every day for hours on end. I never had any trouble getting aroused around her or when thinking about her. In fact our first sexual experiences almost sent me to climax on the spot without any physical touhch because i was so turned on by her. -I'm still in a relationship with her, 1 year and 5 months later. - i love her more than anything, and my love is only growing. -Our sex life has completely stopped though. I'm never horny around her and sex is boring. It doesn't turn me on at all. -We do however spend 24/7 together. We're doing our final years of school so there's heaps of stress and shes battling depression. I'm always stressed and angry, i never feel happy. This MAY be why our sex life has come to a null. - I hate Vagina. The smell, the taste, the look. - I love everything else about a womans body though. The feel, soft skin, the curves, boobs, the scent. - Im not attracted to a mans body - i love a mans penis though, however i've only ever really been able to judge this through porn. - I enjoy watching men masturbate but don't like the appearance of a woman masturbating. (porn) -I know that porn cannot judge someones sexuality - I don't really look at feminine girls. I mainly find my interest in girls with short hair or girls that dress in tomboy/mens clothes. (is this just general preference or because i'm attracted to men ??) -However I've found myself sexually attracted to all my female friends ive ever gotten close to, even though they all looked feminen. It was only after i got to know them that i developed sexual feelings. -Before dating my girlfriend, she also had long hair and looked feminen. I remember a time when we were simply friends and thought we were straight. I almost saw up her skirt and i tried to peak. After getting to know her well sexual feelings kicked in to the EXTREME It's importat to mention some gender identity issues i have too: - My entire life i have felt like a guy. From as young as i remember i ONLY ever went to the mens section for clothes and only got boys toys from mcdonalds. - I've always HATED wearing dresses. Going into highschool i was forced to wear them as part of the uniform, and although this bothered me a lot, i was a fairly confident person and just put up with it. My self-confidence issues wern't low so i could push myself through wearing one if neccassary. -Outside of school however, if i had to wear a dress, the idea would scare me to the point of tears. I couldn't handle the thought of being put in a dress, it just didn't feel right. I would always refuse to go to formal dinners etc. because it meant i would have to dress girly - I've always refused to wear makeup. During a point where i tried to conform in my mid teenage years however i did want to wear makeup so people would actualy realize im attractive. However the idea of confronting my parents about getting makeup seemed compeltely embarrassing and humiliating. I didn't want to admit to them and the people around me that i wanted to be girly. The idea was embarrassing and i just don't know why. - From as long as i can remember i've always had this fantasy about having a penis. Like i really really really want one. As a kid i would pretend to pee on bushes standing up etc to fulfil these fantasys. I would even dress like a boy and walk into the mens toilets because it was exciting for me. - I always use to grab objects as well that resemble a penis and pretend to jack off with them. Or i'd thrust pillows etc. against a wall and pretend to be a dude fucking someone else. I am unsure if this all explains my extreme interest and arousal towards penis. I am unclear as to weather it's an actual attraction i have, or weather I have developed a sexual interest towards them because i want one so badly. I'm 100000000000000000000000% sure i'm a guy inside. However i'm unsure of what im attracted to. thoughts?
