Fear of sudden change

Idk. I'm still finding out new things about myself. I guess these things take time ^.^

I'd recommend reading around the forums.

 

Porn is just sex with no rules, really. I remember the first time I knew about gay porn was when someone showed me meatspin. I'm not sure if that triggered the other side of my sexuality, but getting molested by guys twice when I was 11 didn't help either.

I will say though, things that are extremely out of the ordinary WILL stick to my mind for a while.

All I know FOR SURE, as confused as I still am, is that I could NEVER treat or like a guy the same way I would to a girl. That's just not something you choose. Gay/straight pornogrpahy turns me on, but like I said that's sex with no rules. I'm unsure if I actually want to "date" a guy, because that sounds like something I wouldn't do. I don't reject the idea of dating a guy, I just personally don't see it happening. Although I do wonder how different my life would be if I had experienced it... And if I were happier that way...

Like you, I actually have an attachment with girls. I don't get this "attachment with guys" at all. I'll look at a guy's body and fantasize about it but that's about it. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm not feeling the same attraction towards guys like I do with girls. In terms of actually doing it, I'm not sure if that's something I would even think about doing (if the opportunity came up, that is).

I consider myself straight ONLY because I have the attachment to girls, and none to guys.

 

Was it a good shock or a bad shock? Seriously, up until you saw that the person in the film wasn't just a female, you thought you were looking at something else. Apparently you didn't select this video with the intent of seeing a shemale. So I don't think there's really anything indicating you are anything other than straight from this.

As far as when you are high/lonely/anxious - it's possible you are looking for something different and/or 'forbidden' or 'extreme' (by your present standards anyway) to turn you one at these times since the stuff you normally use apparently isn't enough. Or you're just looking for something more extreme or intense and this is what you're currently going for. Since you don't appear to enjoy it as much, I'd suggest not doing it and finding something else you will enjoy.

As far as your memories, you may find them disturbing, but two of them sound fairly normal for things kids sometimes do and the third wasn't anything you had control over.

I'm not seeing anything here to indicate you are anything other than straight. Ultimately only you can determine your orientation, but nothing you've posted so far gives me any indications otherwise.

Todd

 

Put it this way, I had my first anxities of being gay when I was high.
And I never touched weed again!!

 

Dude don't worry what happened was that you were initially turned on thinking she was a girl (you are straight), however later in the video you noticed the girl was 'a she-male' and you were still turned on. First of all, you were turned on before you knew about the 'she-male part' which is in turn straight pattern arousal.

Second of all I would also like to add that even if you were aroused strictly by the 'she-male' fantasy it doesn't necessarily make you gay or even bi for that matter. Research into sexuality has found that straight men get increasingly drawn to she-male porn for multiple reasons. One of theme is that they become desensitized to 'straight porn' or even 'lesbian porn', another assumingly straight guy favorite. Therefore they start looking for kinkier and kinkier porn just to get them off because their normal 'go-to' porn/fantasies don't work anymore... Coming to think of it it's kind of like when you here about young straight guys that can't get erections from 'regular looking girls' because they look at too much porn - they're desensitized. Anyway, looking back to this all some straight guys get aroused to she-males as a go to fetish.

On the other hand you should also consider research that says that most men gay and straight are "penis centric'' they just love their own penises. Baring this in mind, it is not surprising that one of the most common search keys for porn for straight men actually relates to the male organ. I think I also read somewhere that a reason for this is that from a point of view of evolution men strategically get aroused to the view of other men's penises as a way to compete with other males for sex with females. Sounds strange but that's the evolutionary theory on this. Bonus fact: evolutionary scientists believe the reason the head of penises are shaped the way they are is to scoop out the semen from their competitors so they can inseminate women with their own off-springs.

So hind-sight 20-20 don't freak out. If you think you're straight you probably are. Maybe try to lay off porn for a little while so you can acclimatize yourself to your real attractions?