I've been questioning my sexuality for quite awhile now, maybe the last few years or so. I know for sure I am attracted to women. However, I am very confused as to if I'm attracted to men or not. From when I was younger, I remember being close friends with boys. Apparently, there's a picture of me kissing a boy from when I was about 3 years old, but I don't really remember that at all. Around 2nd grade, I noticed all of the girls I was friends with start talking about crushes and who they "liked", and noticed they were all boys. Unsure with what to do with this new-found knowledge, I started sharing with my girl friends that I had "crushes" on my boy friends. Looking back, I can tell I didn't really have crushes on them, and confused friendship for crushes. Meanwhile, I had a big crush on a girl I was friends with, and she ended up being my "girlfriend" for a few weeks when I was ten. Fast forward to high school. I had two relationships with men during this time. I wasn't really interested in them until they expressed interest in me, and out of loneliness and the feeling of that I needed to be in a relationship (which I didn't), I dated them. One of them I slept with, and during the entire year I slept with them, I couldn't finish because I wasn't attracted to him. While I haven't slept with a woman, I have felt more of an intense desire to be with them, and kissing them feels amazing. What I'm confused about is that I have flip-flopped for years on whether I am a lesbian or I am bisexual. I'll find men attractive very rarely, but it's more of an appreciation for how they look rather than being sexually attracted. I've been sexually attracted to one man in my life, and he's a famous person. However, I've been sexually attracted to many women in my life. I know I am the only person that can define my sexuality for myself, but I do feel the need to write my feelings down, and input from other people on their perspectives can be helpful for me. I know I'm not going to figure this out overnight, but it's been at least 5 years that I've been questioning what exactly I am.
I'm in a similar situation so I can't really be helpful or give advice, I guess as you said you'll figure it our on your own. I'll give you the same advice someone gave to me : you could date people you're interested in and eventually define your sexuality... From what you've shared you seem like you're more attracted to women, so perhaps you're a lesbian... But you could also be bisexual with a stronger attraction to women. I hope you figure it out!
Well. The question here isn't really what you 'are'. Who cares what you are? Do you really need to know 'what' you are? Like you said it's not something you're going to figure out overnight, so why figure it out at all? Let it rest, don't search for an answer, the answer will search for you.
I actually just posted this in another thread and it seems relevant here, so I'm going to copy and paste. It goes in a different order for everyone. Some people know right away that they're not attracted to the opposite sex. For me, I realized I was attracted to the same sex and at first thought maybe I was bi. What helped me realize that I wasn't was looking back on every guy I've ever talked to or dated and realizing that I always found excuses to not be in a relationship with him. To not hook up with him. Etc. This was really weird but I will always remember it because I think it was a huge defining moment in realizing my sexuality. People are always obsessed with "Oh you don't like the D" and obsessing over the fact that lesbians don't want to have sex with men. Yes, this is obviously true. HOWEVER, what really made me realize I wasn't attracted to men wasn't realizing that I didn't want to have sex with them. I remember, I was lying in bed one night and I thought to myself, could I ever picture a guy lying next to me? Holding me at night? Waking up next to him? And when I immediately thought of how off-putting and not right that seemed... I knew. I didn't want anything to do with men romantically, intimately, or sexually. And I realized that I was only into women in that way. A lot of the time it's little moments like that where you're like, "Yeah, I don't know how I ever thought I was straight."
For some reason, people often seem to be in a hurry to figure out if they are gay or bisexual. These determinations don't have any particular time table. The answers will present themselves in their own time and they cannot be forced. If that happens, it just leads to more stuff you have to sort out later.
I think just enjoy what you are feeling and date whomever you want to date. No one is going to call you out, and if they do, you don't have tell them anything. Just enjoy it and you'll figure it out. I'm still on the boat on being bisexual or gay or straight.
I just posted something somewhat similar and wanted to let you know that you definitely are not alone. I was talking to a friend about things the other day. She realized that I seemed a little confused, although it was more a gay or straight discussion, and she said something that resonated with me... she said it's the person and not the gender that matters. It was a perspective that I definitely appreciated. I realized for me there is no need to label, just go with my feelings and it will sort out over time. I think the key is being honest with yourself and it sounds like you have been :icon_bigg!
I think you are right (or your friend is) about many people being attracted to people over gender/sex. For some people, the only people they could be attracted to are same sex/gender or opposite sex/gender, for some they could be either sex/gender. More importantly, I think, is to not force yourself into any relationship you don't feel interested in having.
