Hi I think I'm just looking for some shared thoughts, regarding becoming clearer in your sexuality, and in my case starting to come out (last week) but also still having feelings for your ex. (Just for clarity, I split up with him because I was going through a difficult time mentally, and he was great, but I couldn't cope with being in relationship then; this was early this year). With the process of coming out, you get the doubts, and I sometimes think 'oh well maybe that guy' or 'a guy in the future'. I can imagine perhaps dating and things, but I do have to force myself to imagine a guy taking his top off and me just being like 'meh', before we even get to sex 'ew' (no offence guys). But it is difficult, because I think I still love my ex. I definitely was 'in love' with him and not just fraternally loving him. And there was a core attraction. But from the beginning I just don't think I could appreciate his body at all, and I thought I was asexual. I feel slightly like I am losing all trains of thought, and convincing myself of my own stupidity in this thread. My best friend keeps saying that my sexuality could have just completely changed- I mean attraction has definitely- and my thoughts towards men in general (I am the only woman in a flat of four) is becoming much more brotherly and distant. Rather then uncovering some repressed secret. Although I think until you have more experiences, in my case anyway, I just couldn't know if my fantasies were what I wanted to act on physically in my life. How do you reconcile real feelings for someone of the opposite gender, after you have realised that you are gay? Any thoughts, much appreciated.
That's really interesting. I've never really though about something like that. Have you considered maybe being romantically attracted to men but not sexually?
When I started my questioning journey I thought that I was only sexually attracted to women, and couldn't imagine a romantic relationship with one. But I thought this might not be because I don't want a relationship, but because women-women relationships are less visible and thus I found harder to imagine; like the day to day stuff; I found watching lesbian dramas helped this. As I move through the process my openness to dating women has significantly increased- as has my liking women. I must explain that I never felt entirely comfortable being friends with women. As my romantic feelings for the possibility of women have increased, the idea of dating a man has become less appealing. But I still have over twenty years of imagining being with a man, so I don't know whether it is just ingrained assumptions about life or true biromantic feelings. I just know that if I was to like a man, then I would be settling on the sexual side, because I really don't want that kind of relationship with one and it has never satisfied me in the past.
