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Feelin a little uncomfortably homo

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Throwaway2k14, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. Throwaway2k14

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    Hey! So this is my throwaway account. Just realized there was an anon section ^^; Ah well. I am feeling like a bundle of knotted up string with this whole sexuality thing. When I was younger I never thought of myself as lesbian. BUT DAMN was I awkward around boys. Whenever I hung around boys I was painfully aware of how the media obsesses over straightness. I always wondered if they thought I was cute or if I was supposed to have a crush on them. After a few years I had more contact with the LGBT community on the internet. I felt some sort of connection to lesbians for some reason. But yet I didn't think I was gay. But now, and I have no idea what happened, I am attracted to girls. Sometimes in class I feel the intense desire to reach out and kiss a cute girl. Yep. Whenever I get thoughts like that I get chills and try to ignore my thoughts. I just find myself staring at girls and wanting to be close to them. I can't really see myself having sex with anyone of any gender though. I can't feel sexual attraction towards anyone. But I feel this intense desire to be with a girl and just cuddle or something. When I see guys I don't really feel that much. My head tells me I should want a boyfriend but nope, still don't feel much for any boy.

    I worry that maybe I'm tricking myself into feeling this way. I don't know if I am bi or gay or pan or anything. Maybe I need to wait for the right guy.
    Venting like this makes me feel a lot better. Thank you for letting me share.
     
  2. Jax12

    Full Member

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    I know a girl that was awkward around guys, and she isn't a lesbian. She had a bad experience while in elementary.

    Attracted to girls in what way? People who are unsure of their orientation always base it in physical appeal, like "Do I find that person hot?", "Do I want the D or the V? Maybe both?", or even use porn as a way to determine their orientation.

    You can't just base your orientation on that though; the looks. Doesn't work. Personally, I don't feel comfortable identifying myself as gay or bi because that's not who I am. If I was truly gay, then I would have feelings towards guys (like I have with girls), but it's just not there. I was never raised in a family or a church where they preached homophobia; we're quite accepting or LGBT (at least I am).

    I find a VERY limited amount of men physically attractive, and I have the disturbing thoughts about them, like wanting to grope them just for MY pleasure. It sounds selfish, and that's exactly what my guilt is; the fact that I want violate someone else because my mind says "YES! DO IT!", but my subconscious says no. It's morally wrong, and I don't even like them for the right reason! I might have HOCD but that's beside the point here.

    But let's get back to you. The question isn't why you like guys/girls, but what is it about either gender that makes you so interested about them? Physical appearance does play a role in this, but from my experience physical attributes don't determine your sexuality; it's your emotional attachment to them that shows the light.


    Good Luck.
     
    #2 Jax12, Oct 23, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2014
  3. onlyshallow

    Regular Member

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    I reckon I am not exactly the best person to give you advice as I just posted a thread expressing my own discomfort at being in a similar situation. However, I'd like to try and help based off of what I've learned in my own life.

    What your head tells you in the moment is not always going to be trustworthy advice. I can tell you all of the bad decisions I've made based off of what I've purely thought in a given moment. Thoughts and ideas are one side to any issue and are constantly changing (at least in my crazy head!) so I am in the process of realizing that they are not a number one sense of truth or source of information.

    Feelings, intentions, and the things that give you comfort are very important to pay attention to. What makes you feel at home. Relationships and how people approach them will be different for everyone and despite my internal struggle to figure out what the heck is going on, I take a lot of pride in knowing the few things I do want. If you feel like you know what you are looking for in a guy and you haven't met him yet, then wait. Or, if you feel like you don't know what you want in a guy, then find out. If pursuing a woman is what you feel is best than do what you can to make that reality. But don't discourage yourself. You have to be yourself and be confident in that or else the confusion will consume you and that is a very hard place to come out of.

    And if you're not sure what you're looking for- maybe you just need yourself right now. I can tell you that I am hardly your typical 21 year old girl and relationships have been no walk in the park. People's mileage will vary because we are all different but the best thing we can do is try to help each other not by being the same, but encouraging each other to walk our own unique path.
     
  4. waterfall

    waterfall Guest

    Actually... you sound a lot like me when I was very young. Come to think of it you sound a lot like me now! I have always felt more comfortable around my lesbian friends. I just never questioned myself as to why. I repressed those feelings until I couldn't any longer…
    I think the fact that you are even questioning is a good sign. You'll figure it out. Some people ( me for instance ) have to have an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction.
    Don't try too hard, someday when you least expect it, someone will come into your life and then you will know….It's hard to explain but believe me, you will know.
    Try to enjoy the journey and don't feel uncomfortable about wherever it takes you.
     
  5. Confused Teen18

    Regular Member

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    You sound a lot like me months back. I am a bit more accepting now but i'm not yet there.

    In time you will know exactly what you are. You don't have to rush it. We've mostly all been there :slight_smile:
     
  6. Fantie

    Fantie Guest

    this,
    my case was not the homophobic parents, or the bible it was mosty the life-style that annoyed me to hell thank god I'm over it. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.