Hi, I'm here writing again about my sexuality, months ago I wrote about how confused I was and how I felt at the time, many things have changed by now. I've discovered that while I still haven't completely "defined" myself as bisexual, I'm slowly accepting the fact that I feel attracted to women and men, and not feeling terrible about it, even tho I know it's really difficult to be accepted by everyone else, I'm working on accepting it myself. I never thought that to accept myself "sexually" for who I am, I had to work on everything else, like learning to love my appearance, my manliness or feminine side, also accepting the fact that I'm not perfect and can't force myself to be like that, I'm less worried about what someone could think of me if I do something or say something in a certain manner and also I'm starting to force myself to go out of my comfort zone and try new experiences like travel a lot more or talk to random people, flirt more with girls who seem interested in me, wear clothes that I wouldn't use before, cause I never realised how afraid I was of doing lots of things and how much it affected my sexual side too. While I haven't come out of the closet or say out loud that I'm Bi, I'm starting to feel a lot more liberated by learning more about me, I don't know if it has something to do with age or growing up but I hope someday I can truly be myself in front of my family and friends, to be able to date a woman or a guy and not worry about who or what gender I'm going to end spending my life with, anyway I know it isn't an easy road, but I'm keeping positive and working very hard on being honest to myself and taking care of me, cause If I don't do it, no one else will do it for me. I don't know if writing this will help someone or if someone could relate to it but I had to post it, thank you for reading and for all your support.
I'm glad i can relate a bit. In Middle school i was worried i was Bi so i suppressed it and kind of forgot about it. Then in the later years of high school it kind of emerged again and i kind of just left it there didn't recognize it but didn't suppress it either. It really wasn't until about 4 months ago or so that i actually accepted myself somewhat. And i can honestly say it was because of a friend at the time, we were talking late at night and he admitted to me that he was Bi and it caused a big issue in his last friend group. And it kind of shocked, not that he was Bi but that he was so comfortable just saying it. So after he told me, i just kind of said it. the fact that "I think I'm bi too" This began a conversation of why i thought so and etc. And slowly since then ive started to really embrace it and i was talking to one of my friends i've known for a couple of years and we just got to talking about sexuality, gay rights etc. and i finally told her that i was bi too. I guess what i am trying to say is that you are doing well and it will get easier, never easy but easier.
It definitely helps a lot more to have friends that accept themselves as they are, currently I have some gay friends and even one of my closest relatives is gay, but I don't know why I'm still not quite comfortable with telling them that I'm bi, I think it is because as strange as it is, It would be more acceptable for them if I was 100% gay than believing I'm able to feel attracted to both genders and that maybe I'm lying to them or I don't want to be "gay", I know it sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel. Right now I'm trying to focus on just my feelings, figuring out what do I need and waiting for love to come, it doesn't matter from where it's coming, even if it's a guy and it somehow comes natural to me, I'm open to it, I don't want to feel cornered to just live one part of me and hide the other.
What gave you the idea that you were attracted to both genders? Let's put aside porn, the "dick + dick = gay", and "dick + vagina = straight" idea. I'm not sure why, but I find older men (like a father figure) very arousing. I want to do sexual things with them (in my head of course. In reality? Not so sure). The following situation has happened many times: Let's say there's a guy that fits the criteria for being the father figure (all buff, hairy, dominant). I get aroused, and become anxious to sexual things with him. BUT, as soon as normal conversation starts, I no longer see him as the guy that I would have sex with, let alone have a relationship with. After talking to him, I kind of wonder why I even had those sexual thoughts in the first place. On the other hand, I find girls attractive as a "potential mate". There's this one girl that I'm very interested in, and when she nudges me or talks to me, I have trouble making eye contact. I'm not sure why lol. And I always have trouble starting conversations with her. Doesn't happen with girls that I consider friends.
Well what "gave me the idea" of being bisexual is that I realised I felt romantically and physically attracted to both members, yes sometimes I'm more inclined to one another but still interested in both. At first I felt normal as I always seemed to be infatuated with girls, even had a type, as I grew up, I noticed I also started to look at boys in a different way, like if you have your same sex best friend and you obviously love him as a friend but then you notice you start getting attracted to him in a sexual way and sometimes even fantasise of having a relationship with him, well that to me tells me everything, I've never actually been in a romantic relationship with guys as I never met the "right guy" to have one with and the idea of it hasn't totally settled in my mind to me, but I did have girlfriends with whom I've been truly in love with and really attracted to them, the thing is that for me, being bisexual is nothing more than being able to love or feel attracted to someone without caring about their gender.
