what orientation am I

I have been struggling with my orientation for some time. In my youth I was always exclusively attracted to females. I can say this with certainty. It wasn't until my teens that I started to experiment. I found one of my relatives panties and tried it on and have crossdressed on occasion ever since. I have since progressed to fully go en femme (makeup, wig, the whole nine yards) just once with a fellow enthusiast. We had sex and it was thoroughly enjoyable.

Prior to that experience I had had sex with multiple men and women. My first sexual encounter was with a woman and each time we had sex I thoroughly enjoyed it. I really deeply cared for her but we didn't pursue a relationship. After that I had sex with a couple of guys and enjoyed it, but always was left with feeling of guilt and or shame after orgasm. I didn't feel like something was right even if I did enjoy being pleasured anally.

After the gay experiences I rekindled my relationship with the aforementioned girl and we fell in love fast and heavy. Our relationship was brief but powerful and I was devastated when it ended. I had told her I experimented with guys and it ultimately was a big factor in her breaking up with me.

After her I abstained from any gay relations or crossdressing. I had sex with a two more females and enjoyed it even if they were one time things. Finding it difficult to pick up women where I live (and because I'm generally shy) I reverted back to having sex with men. Again each time I did I was left with a sad feeling upon orgasm with any male partner regardless of who it was. This feeling caused me eventually to stop having sex entirely.

Now we are caught up to the experience with the fellow crossdresser. After that experience I have not had sex in the six months since. I did, however, make out with a girl while dancing at a concert and can honestly say I received an erection from it and wanted to have sex with her but ultimately could not because she did not want to leave her friend alone (which I respect).

I can say that emotionally, I have been attracted to many more women then men (only one man ever) and find it difficult to envision having an emotional relationship with a masculine man. Physically I can admit that I am attracted to males, females and transgenders.

Ultimately my questions are as followed:

Am I gay, straight, bi, pansexual?

Am I transgender? (After my experience with a crossdresser I genuinely thought I was and wanted to try and transition but after about a month of deliberation ultimately decided that I enjoyed aspects of being a male too much to do so)

If I'm not straight, which I'm assuming most people on her will say I'm not, how do I find a female who will accept me for who I am and too build an emotional relationship with?

I realize my post is lengthy so thank you for reading. I've done a ton of research on sexuality and am open to being something other than straight but am unable to define myself.