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Confused time in my life

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by almightyslayer, Oct 26, 2014.

  1. almightyslayer

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi,

    So I have always considered myself straight. When I was around 16 I cut my hair short and since then I've always had people shout insults at me telling me i'm gay and it always annoyed me that people could think that was ok to do that to someone.
    I never gave it much thought as I've always had boyfriends but recently i was on a night out with gay friends in a local gay pub and I met a girl that i instantly felt attracted to. We didn't really communicate or anything but it's left me very confused. I have a boyfriend right now but since I felt attracted to this girl I haven't really been able to be with him and I feel because I'm so confused that i don't know what to do. He is a great guy, we haven't been together long but I don't know if I should try and stay with him or come out of the relationship and possibly try to figure out what I am feeling. I don't really find girls attractive as whole but when I look back I have had feelings for 2 other women before this one. I know it sounds weird because I have looked at girls and thought no I'm not attracted but then I've met a particular one and I am.
    I worry if I end it with him and then say ok I'll explore that I won't find anyone I'm attracted to so i'm just creating an issue out of nothing.

    I'm just really confused and I don't feel I have anyone I can talk to about it because i don't want them to tell other people and then rumors start etc when i haven't figured it out for myself.
     
  2. poison53sumac

    Regular Member

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    Well, I would recommend not breaking up with your boyfriend, since you seem decently happy with him and you don't know what you would gain by losing him. If you knew there was a girl you would and could be with instead, that would be different. You might hint or mention to him that you are questioning your orientation; you might not. I don't know him so I can't really say.
    I think you've been given a little shock by feeling attracted to that girl in the pub, and so now you are trying to digest that you may not be straight. Right now I think you need a lot of time to let this settle, without taking any dramatic actions to prove or deny it to yourself. Just think, consider, etc. Without necessarily ending your current relationship--unless your questioning escalates to something that devours all your time and thinking, which happened to me briefly--you could sort of meditate on whether you would be interested in a relationship with a girl sometime after your current relationship ends. Etc., etc. I think your concerns about "creating an issue out of nothing" are very valid, and more or less the reason that I'm not officially out as anything yet. I also understand the bit about suddenly looking back and seeing things in a new light, realizing you've had feelings for women that you formerly discounted.
    Anyway, give it time, live and let live. Don't overwork yourself. Consider all possibilities, and just try and do what you think you really want to. Hopefully this is not trite or anything, hope I could offer some slight help.
     
  3. almightyslayer

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Questioning
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    Re: Confusing time in my life

    Thanks for the advice.

    I'm still at a loss on what to do regarding Bf really. we've only been together about 2 and a half months and it was going well till that night I went to the bar and now I one can't stop thinking about her and i just feel really distanced from him. I feel like i've suddenly put up a wall between us and I've been spending less time with him and talking to him less.
    I have other issues where for the past 5 years I've basically been single and now i have someone that likes me I think what if this doesn't happen again for a long time. At the same time i think that i'm being unfair to him and I'm not giving him the time or attention I should be.
    I'm mean't to be going to that pub again next week and even though I know that that girl won't talk to me and i would never ever have a chance I still can't help up wish I was wrong which leads to big confusion on the whole relationship front:frowning2: