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Calling all LGBT individuals!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Jax12, Oct 26, 2014.

  1. Jax12

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    Alright I'm actually sick and tired of asking questions that only put me in a loophole. I could have HOCD, or I could be gay/bi in denial. I'm t not sure because of all the reassurance I need from other peoples stories saying "they've been there" or "it's ok to be gay". There's really not thing wrong to be gay, and I support equality.

    When I was young (even before puberty), I never had any attraction to guys my age or older men. I never thought about it, like a lot of kids. I was attracted to girls, all up till junior high, when I noticed the attraction towards older men (teachers, for example). I think it's worthy to mention that I have been molested by 2 older men, and never got any help after that incident. This is when my attraction towards older men became more noticeable. I imagined doing sexual things with them, and the thought of it was arousing. I wanted to suck their dick, have sex, etc. However my attraction towards girls were still apparent. I'm not just talking about sexually, but as a partner/girlfriend; a real relationship.

    When did you notice your feelings for the same gender? And I'm not talking about "they look hot which means I'm gay/bi/etc", or "I want to suck their dick which means I'm gay". Let's step away from that bullshit and look at the reality of a real, loving relationship. Like wanting to know who they are as a person for a future mate.

    My fear is that once I perform these sexual urges with men, my attraction towards girls will be eradicated by one simple act. Sexual orientation is buried deep into our genes, and so with that respect I believe that I am predominantly straight. Thoughts?
     
  2. TheStormInside

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    Well, there is another possibility you haven't mentioned, which is that you could be bisexual. It doesn't have to be one or the other. I do think you could benefit from some counseling/therapy in regards to your past abuse as well as your current questioning of your orientation.

    To respond to your question, "all of that bullshit" regarding sexual attraction toward women actually has come quite a bit later than the romantic attraction for me, and it's likely because I've been in denial for a long, long time. I know for certain I had an enormous crush/was in love with a close female friend in college. In high school and even as early as elementary I also recall feelings that I realize now were likely crushes on girls, though I didn't totally recognize them for what they were at the time. So, for me personally the emotional attractions developed quite early on. Sexual attraction I do believe was there but heavily repressed until recently.
     
  3. Chromedome

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    HOCD is a bullcrap falsity made up to discredit homosexuality. Do straight girls or guys who cling to their girlfriend/boyfriend like a leech have straight OCD? NO!

    Ok they is a difference between emotional attraction and sexual attraction. Emotional attraction is where you can really like the person, be happy excited and bond to them through continued communication and spending time with said person, you an emotionally attracted to anyone girl or boy or dog or cat.

    While sexual attraction is your romantic and sexual pull you have towards them, where you are sexually aroused by them, dream of cuddling, imagining you're a couple waking up in the morning next to each other, showering together before work etc; you won't really feel this towards your family member or the family pet.

    I was never sexual attracted to girls, I could talk to them about music and celebrity gossip etc and enjoy it feel happy but i'd never think of being in a couple with them.
    As you said you are sexually attracted to both women and men but falling towards men?

    One thing to tell, are you sexually attracted to women you see in real life even without them dressing sexy, or without even thinking them even being naked.

    How i feel around nice guys, I can just see his smile, his sense of style, listen to his voice, look at his muscular arms and look into his eyes and I and feel hypnotized, pulled towards him ,and turned on.
    If you feel this way about both men and women then you are bisexual, if you don't you are most likely gay. Don't study labels too much, even if you are gay you aren't obligated to be like what people think being gay is; be you. What you think being gay is: Finding a handsome nice guy to talk to and being a couple of soul mates or whatever. Just be careful the gay world s dangerous and full of a lot of bitter, broken guys who have no values and just have irresponsible sex because they lose control out of desperation for love. Being gay makes you feel bitter and heartbroken so it's easy to become a selfish devious monster because of the psychological trauma endured from being a GSM ( Gender-sexual minority). Don't let anti-gay attitudes and homophobia turn you into a monster.

    I don't feel that way around girls no matter what, I just say she's pretty or her hair looks great, that's a nice dress I see women the same way is see a flower, a butterfly or a pretty bird, as beautiful and graceful beings but not something i'm sexually drawn too or romantically drawn too.
     
    #3 Chromedome, Oct 26, 2014
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  4. onlyshallow

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    Unfortunately, you are wrong. HOCD was and is approached by people who have a very special difficulty in handling the concept of being something other than they knew themselves to be, and are usually predisposed to other anxiety disorders. It's not "real" in the sense that it is a standalone mental disorder but it is OCD with a particular focus. There are many abbreviations for other OCD focus points, especially ROCD. ROCD is when perfectly normal people become obsessed with the idea of their significant other cheating, not being in love with them, etc (been there, done that...). Whatever people are most susceptible to for whatever reason can turn into an obsessive cyclical mental loop, if you're one of those lucky people. Many of these people also see therapists and have been diagnosed accordingly. The different slang terms for OCD fixations is just what is used to make communication easier between sufferers.

    Sexuality can happen to be one of those focus points. Now I can't say for certain if anyone who claims HOCD is actually genuinely suffering from it or not or is actually in denial, myself included, but it helps immensely to know about it and when I'm not panicking I feel 100% fine... until the next trigger. The next doubt. The next anxiety attack where paranoia captures my mind. (I have problems, yo.)
     
  5. Jax12

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    That's not what HOCD is. Doubting your sexual orientation because of reoccurring, disturbing thoughts is what HOCD is. And I mean disturbing like "why do I have these thoughts?" Instead of "oh, I have these thoughts".

    That's how I feel towards a girl. If I was also was attracted to guys (the same way I feel about girls), then identifying myself as bisexual would make a lot of sense. If feelings aren't something you can surpress, then how come I don't feel any emotional attraction to guys, even when the so-called "physical attraction" is there? At this point is it really physical attraction, or is it physical admiration on drugs?

    Also what I feel towards girls, but the physical lust of men is quite annoying in a sense that I don't know how it applies to who I want as a potential mate.

    I am attracted to girls because of who they are as I get to know them. I rarely look at girls from an object standpoint (like I do with men). It feels right being with a girl than being with a man, that's all I know at this point.

    In real life I don't imagine them nude, and then use that as the indicator. Girls in porn aren't very appealing to me for some reason. It's almost like I don't want girls in porn to be my girlfriend. In terms of reality/relationship wise it feels more right with a girl, if you know what I mean.

    I don't feel that way towards guys, only girls, so you can see where my confusion is coming from.

    Yeah I try not to study labels too much, but my mind is forcing the problem as if it needs to be solved ASAP. I'm actually quite accepting for LGBT relationships. While I don't advocate it like many people do, I recognize that there are people like that and I believe they are entitled to have a happy life.

    My feelings (the full attraction, as it were) primary reside to girls. I know this for sure 100%, just as you will feel the same towards guys.

    Your input was very helpful. Thanks.

    ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2014 at 06:46 PM ----------

    I've considered bisexuality as well. However, I don't have those "feelings" towards guys, and only towards girls. Yet, I am physically aroused by men with a certain body type and look. Sometimes, as I already mention, I'll want to take partake in sexual acts with them, but of course that's in my mind. As much as I want to do it I'm not sure if that'll happen in reality.

    I know in any relationship, physical appearance does play it's own role in a relationship, but I don't have these feelings for ANY guy. Sure, that guy over there has an amazing buff body, and in my mind I'll want to have sex with him (exactly like in porn), etc but it's no more than that. But of course this scares me because what if I do enjoy the experience, and then presumably turn gay? The fact that I could be happier with the other gender just scares me to the bones, just because I think their appearance is arousing, and nothing more than that.
     
    #5 Jax12, Oct 26, 2014
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  6. Chromedome

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    \

    you are saying it's OCD from confusion caused homosexuality? I understand that and I don't think of it as it's own mental disorder but triggered.

    ---------- Post added 27th Oct 2014 at 07:47 PM ----------

    If you have sexual physical attraction to men shouldn't it be easy CREATE an emotional bond to them. Maybe your confusion and repulsion to being in a relationship with men prevents you from doing so? Maybe the whole 'happy average family' with a mom, dad, daughter, son and pet thing is keeping you from trying to become close to guys. Emotional attraction is more of a self-controlled learned attraction that you can build depending on the effort you put into it while sexual attraction is more instinctive and black and white so i was thinking that you feel guilty and weird about being attracted to men which makes you suffer from HOCD? Emotional attraction really works if you want it to.
     
    #6 Chromedome, Oct 27, 2014
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  7. Jax12

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    @Chromedome That is a good point you are bringing up there, that sexual attraction to much older men has caused me a significant amount of confusion. I think that through sexual attraction, it can bring true happiness in my life. I know that's not true, so I'm still trying to come to terms with it.

    To be honest I don't think I really have the "average happy family". At least not to me. I barely have a relationship with my father, so this alone could be the very reason why I'm ONLY developing feelings for much older men (40+), and why I'm so paranoid about wanting one FAST.

    I know that everyone has their own preferences in who they want to date, but it's almost like I want an older man in my life because I want a surrogate father. I deeply desire a father in my life because my relationship with my dad hanging by a thread. It's nearly severed. I've grown so apart from him it's like I don't even know what it means to have a dad.
     
  8. onlyshallow

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    I disagree with the emotional attraction statement. For a lot of people sexual attraction can stem from emotional attraction- that is, bonding with someone as a person first.

    I don't think you can force emotional attraction. You either feel for someone or you don't. Yes, you can convince yourself, but you can't really simulate the sensation and understanding of loving someone for who they are and wanting to be with them because of that. If that's what emotional attraction is (that's how I define it I guess). One of my key factors of attraction in a man is if he can have an intellectually stimulating conversation with me and if he can wow me with his own genuine and honest insights. That also happens to be a turn on.

    I suppose emotional and sexual attraction usually come in pairs but based off of what I've seen on this forum, that's certainly not always true and one can occur before the other, or only one can occur, or well... neither.
     
  9. Chromedome

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    I mean you have more control over emotional attraction
     
  10. Jax12

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    Yeah I can see where you're coming from. I think both can come either way, then the other will follow up.