When I was younger (basically up until two years ago), I know I experienced sexual and romantic attraction to women. Now I only experience romantic attraction, and it's very rare due to my own self-esteem issues. I'll occasionally be caught off guard by this one girl's butt, but that's about it as far as physical attraction goes. I've been feeling kind of low about it lately because it makes me feel like I'm not gay or something similar. I also feel like, since I'm not falling for girls at the drop of a hat, I'm not as gay as other people. I do know that I still get crushes on girls since I had (or still have, I guess, but it's fading) a crush on my gay friend for awhile, but sometimes I worry I'm wrong. I can't tell if I've repressed my sexuality or if I'm just too nervous to fall for another girl or what, but this is really starting to get to me. Any help or advice would be appreciated.
I don't think it means you aren't gay. I'm honestly the same way. I rarely feel sexual attraction to women, but I also know I'm not asexual because I can sometimes feel it, It's just more rare. I rarely get crushes on girls either; but I'm still gay, I just feel people are different and not everyone is attracted to people 24/7. However, repression could be a reason why and I think it was a reason why in my case. I grew up having a sex-negative mindset and part of the reason why is that lesbian sex is devalued by a lot of people, considered 'not really real sex' and something that straight girls manipulate out of you but it means nothing to them. In my case, I view the first time to be so sacred that I got so scared of doing it with a girl in case she thinks 'I don't count' or she was using me. And by staying celibate and not feeling sexually attracted, it protects my heart from pain. Not saying this is the case for you, but I do think that issues can happen to make sexual attraction lower.
I can relate a bit.. I wouldn't say I've had a dramatic "drop" in level of attraction over a long period. But there are definitely times when I go a bit without noticing a woman and start to question my sexuality all over again. I think, though, that no one is going to be turned on all the time. There may be various things going on in your life that are causing you to be less interested in sex, or to be less easily aroused. Anxiety and depression, stress, any of these things can lower sex drive. Another thing to consider is your age, it's possible that as you're getting older your hormones are simply "calming down," so during puberty your libido was high but now it's sort of evening out. People have different levels of sexual desire, so I don't think you need to want to throw yourself at every woman you see to be able to consider yourself gay. :icon_wink . It's also possible you need to work through some of your issues with your own self esteem, maybe that is getting in the way of you being able to be open to the possibility of a relationship with someone, too.
Thanks for your reply! Idk why, but I feel very sad and unsure about myself on Sundays, which prompted me to make this thread. I'm glad to know somebody's in/ been through a similar situation. Hopefully I'll be able to be more myself when I start college next year, and maybe it'll help with my feelings of repression (which I think is probably the problem here). I think I'm also just feeling very lonely since my crush likes a straight girl who is using her and probably knows that she's gay, since she keeps literally throwing herself on my crush and putting her head in her lap one minute and then ignoring her for the guy she likes the next. That's a topic for another thread though, lol. ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2014 at 07:26 PM ---------- Thank you for your reply too. I think you're probably onto something with the hormones thing. I started puberty when I was about eleven, but I never really recognized my sexual feelings until I was about 16. And yeah, I've noticed that I don't really seem very receptive to a relationship, especially to my crushes, because I try to shut down my feelings because I think there's no way that they'll ever like me. Definitely not the healthiest or most productive way to like somebody. Thanks for your responses, guys, I feel better now.
