1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Despair

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by wellsc, Oct 27, 2014.

  1. wellsc

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2014
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hey all. I am still coming to terms with my bisexuality. I have had a pretty rough year so far. I was with a girl for 8 years and then a guy started working with me. I liked him immediately and I didn't know why. It was romantic at first and then sexual. I would snapchat pictures of myself to him on the train and he would respond with his pictures. We hit it off.
    I had to tell my girlfriend at the time. It was awful. I felt like I had destroyed her soul. She was hysterical and a wreck. She said I had ruined her life. I since moved in with my boyfriend into his flat. (that's cutting a long short).
    However my main thing is that now I still feel unsettled. I watch straight ****, I am really attracted to women but have regular sex with my boyfriend. I feel like this is all a dream and it is really getting me down. I cant eat. I cant sleep. I sit awake at night and pray that I will wake up either straight or gay. I still feel heavy amounts of guilt about what I've done to my girlfriend (even though shes found another man). I feel like I'm constantly lying/performing to other people about my gender/sexual identity. I am irritable. I am feeling physically sick. I am ready to explode. This is the first time I have found a forum for bisexuality.
    Is this all normal? Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I lying to myself?
     
  2. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey wellsc, welcome to EC!

    I guess the first thing that needs to be done is a little analysis, or as I prefer to call it, applying an X-Acto knife to the problem and examine the bits that are thus separated.

    There is a heavy dose of guilt over you ending your relationship with your girlfriend and then there is the question of your sexuality. Next there is your boyfriend and your current living arrangement and your public status vis-à-vis your sexuality.

    Guilt will play tricks on the mind, it will make you question yourself constantly, to the point of affecting your personality. Does your BF know how you feel or are you keeping these thoughts a secret? How much of your anguish is guilt, and how much is distress over what you are?

    I presume you love your BF and he loves you, you tell us that she has moved on. Given her finding another, has she not effectively forgiven you? Have you been able to even consider forgiving yourself? You chose to come clean with her, how is that worthy of guilt? That took guts, brother, major guts. Was it sad and gut-wrenching? Of course! Was it necessary? Absolutely.

    Only you can tell if you are gay or bisexual. Porn is NOT an indicator of anything, and gay guys can definitely find a beautiful woman beautiful without necessarily wanted to sleep with her. If you are bisexual, then fine, you are still with your BF, he is the one you chose to be with, are you tempted to stray?

    You may never reach the state of "settled", so you may want to ask yourself what level of "unsettled" you are prepared to live with...