1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I want to date a girl, but I feel like it would be unfair to her.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by rainwater, Oct 27, 2014.

  1. rainwater

    rainwater Guest

    I posted a thread on here a while back, but I have a more specific issue this time. Over the past year or so I've been questioning whether I'm straight or bisexual, and I still haven't been able to draw a conclusion. Calling myself either one feels kind of dishonest at this point. I definitely have a sexual attraction to males and females, but the romantic attraction is where things get confusing for me. I definitely have a romantic attraction to guys, but I just don't know about girls. I really like the idea of dating a girl, but I feel like it wouldn't be fair to her because I know I ultimately want to be with a man. I've never had a crush on a girl before, and even though I can see myself liking a girl enough to date one-I can't see myself falling in love with one, or being all that upset if we broke up. I guess it feels more like something I just want to experience, but I would never want to enter a relationship with a girl knowing I wouldn't be as serious about it as she was. I wouldn't be unfaithful or anything, but in the back of my mind I would always know 'I want to be with a guy.' I would want to be completely honest before entering a relationship with a girl, but if she knew everything I just said I can't imagine she'd be too willing to date me-which is perfectly understandable. I don't know what I should do :bang:
     
  2. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah we're pretty much in the same boat. I've only had the "full" attraction to girls, yet I don't have any feelings for guys. However, the physical attraction for guys is only present for much older guys (at this point I'm not even sure if "physical attraction" is the correct term). Even if I do get aroused by them in real life, it's because they look like the guys in the porn that I watch. Then again, we all know how inaccurate porn is in terms of sexual orientation.

    I guess, to be more specific, I fantasize about sexual relations with older men, but nothing more. I know this, because if I truly wanted to have a real, loving relationship with men, I would have feelings for them (the same feelings I have with girls). I'm pretty much stuck there at the moment, and soon I will talk to a therapist about this and what it might mean.

    I've thought about whether I'm bisexual or not, but bisexuality means that you are attracted to both genders and dating either one will get you interested in them. I have no interest in dating older men, let alone, guys. They are my good buddies.

    I guess your problem would be similar to mine; you think that you would be happier with the same-sex, but you aren't sure if that is the case.

    Here's a question for you:
    What is it that you like about guys/girls? Do you get those feelings for both genders?
     
  3. rainwater

    rainwater Guest

    I like pretty much everything about men. I can easily see myself dating, marrying, having sex, and everything else with one. If I ever get married, have kids, and all that-it will without a doubt be with a man. My attraction to them is much stronger.

    When it comes to women, I get very confused. I like the idea of being with one-dating, holding hands, kissing, and sex-but I can't see myself ever truly falling for one. I've never 'liked' a girl before, and I don't think it would be possible for me to fall in love with a girl. I just don't feel that strongly about them. I would think that would mean I was bisexual and heteroromantic, but I must have at least a slight romantic attraction to girls if I'm willing to date one, but I don't know :tears: Come to think of it, whenever I imagine myself with a girl, it's usually something physical. Not necessarily sex, but hugging, kissing, caressing-that sort of thing. Maybe it is just a sexual attraction, I don't know :confused:
     
  4. AnonymousLauren

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2014
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    When I was first coming to terms with myself, I couldn't imagine myself with a girl long term. I had always imagined myself with a guy. I'm a girl, I like guys, so I must be straight is the lie I told myself for the longest time.
    There was something that I always liked about girls, emotionally. Just the way they can be emotionally was something that I always enjoyed, but I thought that was just something I was going to experience with deep friendships. And then, as I got older, I started to notice both sexes more physically. But since I liked guys, I thought I could still like girls as much as I did and still call myself straight. I just didn't want to be different. But then by my junior year of high school, that's when I knew I couldn't hide from myself anymore. I started to develop a crush on a girl (she was moving far away, so it didn't work out) but she was openly bisexual, so I felt more comfortable allowing myself to feel what I did because i knew that she wouldn't be afraid of how I felt. However, I never told her.
    But, now, a year later, my sexual attraction for girls is unmistakable. There is this girl in my yoga class that I find myself attracted to, however, I don't find her personality attractive, so that's not going to work out either.
    The point of all of this is for the longest time I thought of myself getting married to a man and having a family the old fashioned way. But then when I realized what I love about girls emotionally is available in a romantic relationship, I can see my future going both ways. It's difficult to talk to friends about my future (I haven't come out to them yet) because I see myself with either a man or a woman. But that wasn't always the case.
    I think if you want to enter a relationship with a girl right now, as you feel, both of you need to be aware of how you see the relationship before it goes too far.