Okay, Imy name is Mike, I'm 17 years old and I'm questioning my sexuality for quite a long time now, and I know I like guys since I was like 11. I also kinda remember a childhood fantasy where I imagined two dicks touching. Also I remember cycling home from school telling myself in an all-alone moment that I'd rather wanna be bisexual because I wasn't straight and I didn't wanna be gay. Problem is: I have what I think are girl crushes sometimes but I never seem interested in girls sexually, I find vaginas disgusting while boobs are nah either. I told myself I was bisexual until 6 months ago when I was in France and told myself like ''hey, you know something, I don't think you're bisexual since you never think of girls while masturbating or sexually'' which went into a war in my head which quite calmed down at the moment since I am more sure of myself (!) Though I had a girl crush when I was 14 (I realised I would never do her because I wasn't attracted), I always wanted a boyfriend, wanted to do stuff with him, make him happy and of course myself too. I never had a boyfriend but if I get one I will treat him like my god. I had huge boy crushes but the boy broke my heart last year, I cried for four days straight (pun pun pun). Another few guys broke my heart since then so I'm kinda careful with giving my heart because some b*stards just don't deserve my heart. Problem is: I think I like girls since I ever questioned if I was gay or not. I don't want to label myself bisexual since I dislike vaginas and I though I tested the hell out of me I just start to gag when I see a vagina. I thought I had HOCD, but I think really its denial and internalized homophobia since my dad told me to kill myself and thinks I'm mentally ill when I came out as bisexual to him..... I wonder what his reaction is when I come home with a guy. Fun fact: we have a transgender and one of his 10 uncles is gay. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused and I'd rather be gay than bisexual. Can someone help me find out? I think I'm just in denial though it's less hardcore than a few months ago. Thank you very much if you guys wanna help me! Love, Mike :eusa_danc
It's perfectly normal to have really weird and specific feelings for both genders; you obviously have a (full) preference for men, and don't like the sexual part of women. But does the emotional bond between you and a female interest you? That's a good question to ask yourself. If not, then you're probably more on the gay or heavy preference male side of bisexual/bi-romantic. If so, then you're right around the 3/4 mark between females (0) and males (1). Of course, labels aren't necessary... Some people want them, others don't. A lot of the time when people ask me about my sexuality I just say that I'm Annasexual. I'm my own unique color, as are you. These are just my opinions, and you're the only one who truly knows what you prefer. I think I'm off on a tangent now.... Er... Best of luck.
Interesting... your story and mine are quite similar. After reading your side of the story I'm starting to think that I don't have HOCD and that I actually might be gay. Or Bi at the very least. Then again, I don't reject female parts, and it's also one of the things about girls that turn me on. The more I think about relationships with older men, the more possible it seems which chills me to the bones. The distinction between both genders is that I am sexually aroused by older men, while girls don't provide the same amount arousal (I'm sure porn had some influence in this). I never had attractions to guys when I was little, up until i was 10-11, and that's when I started essentially starring at teacher's bulges. Quite inappropriate if I do say so myself, but I still had crushes on girls like any other guy. Also, I never was attracted to guys my age, both physically and emotionally. I never thought about how the term "gay/bi" could apply to me, and I never really put that much thought into it when I was 10-11. I started thinking about it this year after my first relationship with a girl which ended quickly. What do you think?
I identify as gay because I only have like fantasies about guys. I really make that one guy happy though I sort of hold myself back because I have that internalized homophobia part. I never really thought about relations with girls because I can picture myself with a very cute guy..... I really want that. I don't to marry or get kids. Or I don't know..... I only start to like girls a little bit, but still not sexually. I had girl crushes when I was a kid but the last time was like.... 3 years ago? Only ones who really make my head turn around are cute guys or girls with remarkable big asses or boobs.... not the rest lol. I just love guys though I deny it because my dad is a homophobic ugh.
Although my parents aren't 100% support of LGBT, they don't seem to be homophobic about it. They are a little disturbed about it, but that's about it. They aren't activists, that's for sure lol, so I know what you mean.
Lol my parents don't like me liking guys. Probably because I'm the oldest and how the most influence on my two little brothers. But still, though I didn't wanna be gay when I was 12 because I wanted to have some freedom and thought I really liked girls and didn't know what bisexuality meant. At the end I just ended up gay anyway. I think I wasn't just prepared for such a battle with my sexuality then..... though I sometimes wonder if I'm gay I never really show really interest in girls. Plus I have those sort of girl fantasies that I thought myself but they make cringe, and I wanna get rid of them.
I want to say hello it is nice to meet you .I understand you being confused it's OK you have all the time in the world to decide what you want . I wish you all the best of luck
Yeah I think that's what I was dealing with for the past months. Now that I think of it, it makes sense now.
