Hey all - I've always had gay fantasies / thoughts my whole life. I'm married and can perform the straight life just fine - but have always felt much more turned on by men. My question: Did any of you struggle in the coming out process of having a hard time actually 'seeing yourself in a relationship' with the same sex, despite knowing you are gay? I'm having the hardest time seeing it in my mind's eye ... like it just feels weird, however, I know that deep down there is something there.
Yeah, at first I did. It was mainly due to internalized homophobia I had from growing up. I was taught that same-sex relationships were weird and wrong growing up, so even though I eventually accepted that I was attracted to males, it took me a while to overcome the past and being able to see myself in a relationship with one.
Hey lostboy, Of course it feels weird...at first. But that "weirdness" does have a quality of excitement that resembles a kick in the gut, does it not? It takes time to get comfortable with the idea of saying my boyfriend or husband instead of my girlfriend or wife. Take it from me, after a few months of just living with that thought, and experiencing these relationships, it doesn't take long to be very much at home with this situation. It doesn't take long to become what you already are.
Yeah. For me its weird. The thought of saying 'my boyfriend' or having a 'boyfriend' excites the HELL out of me ... totally a kick in the gut. Like a warm fuzzy glow ... but then I sneak onto those dating sites and look at all the guys, try to picture myself with some of them .. and it suddenly all feels so wrong ... not always, but sometimes. Almost as if the beautiful fantasy in my head doesn't match up to real life, you know? And then I begin shutting it all down lol ...
Hey Lostboy... I can remember as I was working through things in my mind... I always was excited by the thought of gay sex, and guys in general. But that was it... I could never imagine myself kissing or cuddling with a guy... for some reason that felt wrong? But as time has gone by that is what I want more than anything! The closeness and emotional connection to a guy. I think looking back that it was just my minds way of keeping me in the closet... I don't know really... but what you are asking is very similar to the way I have felt.
Yeah yeah totally ... see, its so weird! I WANT TO CUDDLE and kiss a guy so bad ... I want to do all those things ... but the reality keeps smacking me hard in the face. It's really hindering me and driving me insane - and always makes me think that this is really 'all in my head' and only a fantasy, etc.
It would be very hard for me at my age to be openly with a woman companion, and I'm not even married with kids. I've just been ingrained as a straight, flirty hetero girl all my life. My theatre friends would be initially surprised, then never bat an eye. Same with most coworkers, but family and some of my more conservative friends....yes total shock and I can't stand to be under a microscope. I'd have to very sure this person was going to be a major part of my life before I outed myself, and I am not sure that is fair to the other person. I don't want my insecurities and indecision to hurt anyone. And so I remain a coward. Don't judge same sex relationships by what you often see online. From what my best friend tells me, many are trolling just like on the straight sites. I can understand your hesitation there, but I'm sure you could meet someone through different means if you really want to. I can understand your needs, even your fantasies. I've had them, too. I'm just not sure it's something I should act on right now. Good luck!
I might be the youngest replying here but it's never easy to really see yourself with someone of the same sex to begin with as your entire life you've been taught that "Man and woman is correct" and now your mind and heart are telling you otherwise and it's just confusing But Lostboy, you are not alone. I too have been a sufferer from something like that, I too thought it was only meant to be a man and a woman together but I went out with a guy once, found out it wasn't so bad and am currently going out with another guy because to me now... there is no difference. To me, there's two people (that just happen to be of the same sex) that love each other. And isn't that what everyone else wants? Love? So do what you feel is right If you want to try it with a guy, then go ahead and give it a go Who knows? What you might find may surprise you and it may lead you on the right path to happiness I hope this answers your question and please keep us updated on what's happening as everyone here is here to help each other out as this is never an easy thing to do now days, but the fact that we have people here to help us out is so amazing and we must all be so grateful for this So good luck and keep us updated
