Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here but I've been reading some of the posts on this site for a while now. It seems like a really welcoming place and so I thought I'd try and reach out Sorry in advance, this is a little explicit! I'm really quite confused about my sexuality. I've always identified as heterosexual but recently I've been opening up to the idea that I might be gay. I mean it would probably explain a lot about me but I'm just really not sure. I've always found it easy to connect with men, I like sports and beer haha probably majority of my friends have been male. I've only had one bf and it just wasn't right for me at the time. But I still always thought that I would end up with a guy, plus I've never been intimate or even kissed a girl. I've always been comfortable in expressing when I think a girl is pretty, etc but I never thought of it as more than that until recently. I had started questioning myself a while back and then one drunken night myself and a few friends ventured to the strippers. I can honestly say that the experience for my female friends wasn't quite the same as it was for me. I also watch shows like orange is the new black and the l word and think that they are the bomb. Also when I started watching porn I would watch gay porn of the male variety, and I'm pretty sure that's weird for a straight person to do. Anyway I had kind of come to the realisation that I was probably gay or maybe bi but then I met this guy while I was away and it really shook me. I guess I'm not completely comfortable in my community to say that I'm gay or bi. I have no lgbt friends or family and now I'm confused if I actually liked this guy or if I'm still trying to run from who I really am. Also the other day my mum asked me if I was gay. I felt so awkward I just shut her down. I'm pretty sure she still thinks I'm straight (she loves to talk about finding men for me and my sisters haha) but I'm concerned she might bring it up again and not back down so easily and I won't know what to say to her. Thank you all so much for any advice you can give, I really appreciate it!
I understand your struggles. It took a while for me to come to terms with my sexuality, but now I'm sure that I'm pansexual. I want you to know that the only one that can tell you who and what you like is yourself. No one can walk up to you, put a label on your forehead and say "this is what you are". Even though it may be frustrating to not know, you might have to give it some time. Wait for a while and see what you're most comfortable calling / thinking of yourself as. And if you change your mind later in life, that's absolutley fine. Just remember to smile on the hardest days. Don't let the label define you.
How did you go about coming to terms with it, if you don't mind my asking? Did you actually go out and explore it or did you kind of just work it out mentally? Yeh it definitely sucks not knowing but it sounds like you're in a pretty good place now that you know so I guess that's something's have to look forward to! Thanks for your perspective, it feels good to talk to someone
