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The same old thread?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by CuriousSissy, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. CuriousSissy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi all!

    I'm new here, and I'm sure you've all read a similar story to mine before, but here goes....

    You see, I'm a 27-year old guy with confused desires. I always thought I was a straight lad with a kink, but I'm starting to think I might be wrong about that.

    It started when I was a younger fella and I saw porn for the first time. I didn't really like heterosexual stuff, but more because it was so explicit. I found that I would go to the back of the magazines to look at the gay ads, though I couldn't explain why. I had straight fantasies as well, so it wasn't all so obvious.

    Over time the feelings started to grow. I saw some internet porn that was men dressed in women's clothing and that sent me wild (I miss those fun days ha!). That was the first time I orgasmed and it had a powerful imprint on my sexual behaviour. Sorry if that is a bit crude!

    I was still into girls however, and romantically I always have been. I've always checked out girls first, focused on them essentially exclusively, and only ever dated women. However in terms of visceral sexual response, it has been 95% (ish) gay thoughts/fantasies. This disconnect has caused me quite a bit of strife and confusion.

    To complicate things further, I have developed a desire (fetish) for crossdressing, to the point of fully dressing up as a girl. I don't feel AT ALL like a woman and I don't want to change my body, but I do like dressing up girly and emulating feminine behaviours (I'm 100% bottom btw). Needless to say (perhaps), when I'm dressed up I have strong desires for men. These feminine desires have been growing more and more.

    I've experimented with men and had mixed fortunes. I have been incredibly nervous and not really got into it - I didn't feel a visceral physical reaction. I dressed feminine for them also. But I struggled to get 'into it' if you know what I mean. That said, I look back fondly on my experiences. I wonder whether I just chose the wrong guys.

    Finally - I pretty much can't get aroused for women anymore. I LOVE girls, they are beautiful and great fun. But that basic arousal seems to have faded the more I have indulged the 'other side' :slight_smile:. I do think that watching porn hasn't helped, as it can divert the mind to desires that aren't necessarily natural, but I'm not expert.

    Ok, trying to sum up this stream of consciousness - am I gay? Or am I just a kinky bi guy? Sorry if that was a bit of a rant!