Sorry this is long, for those who read this till the end, thank you. <3 I've always checked out girls. As a girl, I always thought it was a norm. Like a way of comparing yourself to them. I would have conversations with my friends and point things out together like, "her boobs are so big", "her ass is big". At the time, it meant nothing to me. I've always wanted bigger boobs and I thought it might be the reason why I always stare at tits. Over the years, whenever I stared at a girl excessively, I would justify it as "comparing myself to her". But most of the time, I don't stare with envy of her body, but curiosity. I've had two ex boyfriends before my current boyfriend. So whenever I question my sexual orientation, I would remind myself that I have a boyfriend and I am very attracted to him. Although, I was never into him when we first met. I gradually noticed his good looks since the day he kissed me. But I still find myself looking at girls more than guys. And I always end up imagining sex with them. I probably sound like a total pervert right now. But surely it's normal? I mean people just can't help it. I mean, I don't go out and harass individuals or anything. I have a close friend (a girl) tell me that she sometimes pictures how sex would be like with so and so guy. I was raised as a Catholic. And at one point, I was very religious. Then one day, I just cut myself off religion. Although, I'm still pretty much brainwashed. I was always afraid to express any sexual desires cos I felt like God will condemn me. Because of that, I naturally despised the thought of sex. Until I met my current boyfriend. It just feels so natural and puzzling why religion would condemn such a thing. Then it gets me thinking, would this be the reason why I haven't gone further with the idea of dating a girl? Because religion brainwashed me? I mean, I didn't masturbate until about a year ago! (I'm now 21) Still, I discarded the thought of being attracted to girls. Then I had a full-on dream on lesbian sex and I woke up feeling great. But then again, it was only a dream. I tried to forget about it again. But the more I try to ignore it, the more it surfaces. And I'm just left with so much confusion right now. My boyfriend is completely open and is willing to let me explore my sexuality. I tell him maybe it's only a phase and maybe I will forget about it, but he tells me that he has a friend who thought it was only a phase until she started dating girls. Then she realised she's attracted to girls (she's bi, but she's more into girls than guys). I mean, I'm still attracted to guys and all. But I'm super confused about everything at the moment.
As to your question 'is it a phase?', I could tell you that it isn't a phase but it is you who has to determine whether it is or it isn't. Frustrating, I know... The catholic church says that gay, bi, and general non-staight thinking is just wrong and sinful. However, when God says He loves all of us he can't exclude homosexuals. It is like black and white people... if he didn't like a certain race why did he create them. Same goes for sexuality. If He doesn't like gay people then why did He create them? To me you sound bisexual because you are attracted to both genders/sexes. It is really up to you though. Good Luck and don't let anyone influence your decision. Take your time over it(*hug*)
Your boyfriend seems to be pretty open minded and I think you should be too. Even if it is just a phase it doesn't make it any less real for you, right? Your boyfriend is willing to let you explore your sexuality so ask yourself why would you and why wouldn't you try that? It doesn't seem like you have internalized homophobia though considering you imagine having sex with girls and stuff. I think if you had you'd feel guilty about it afterwards but you felt actually great after having that hot lesbian sex dream. Just take your time and remember that even if you're attracted to the same sex there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. P.S. Surely it's normal to fantasize about other people but I'm not quite sure that straight girls fantasize about other girls. :icon_wink
Thank you so much for the support guys! Although,I just want to clarify that I am in no way homophopic! LGBT are just as awesome as any other sexual and gender orientation there are. And if I am truly bisexual, I will embrace it with open arms. It's just like ETgirl said, it's just frustrating not to know whether I really am or not. I guess time will only tell. But I've talked to my boyfriend some more and he told me to not think about it too much and just go with the flow. I also spoke to one family member for the first time, my big sister. I pretty much tell her everything. She was a little surprised but pretty open with it too. I guess this puts my mind more at ease. But yeah, thanks a lot guys. I really appreciate it
