I've realised recently that I am capable of being romantically and sexually involved with more than one person at a time, and I actually much prefer it to monogamy. I have been sleeping with one boy for 3 months now (let's call him J) and there is an emotional connection there, however we are not in a relationship and we have discussed that we are not going to get into a relationship at this stage, seeing as we both came out of bad relationships at the start of the year, and we don't want to repeat that at the moment. But we have both admitted that we really like each other and the sleeping together, cuddling all night, having movie and pizza nights are not looking like they're going to cease anytime soon. We admit that a lot of things we do appears quite relationship-y, without us actually being in a relationship with each other. I've also been sleeping with another boy for about 3 weeks now (let's call him D), and we have formed an emotional connection as well. D is aware of J, while J is not aware of D. While J has made it clear that he is not ready at the moment for a relationship, D has strongly hinted that he eventually might want a relationship, even though he says that he doesn't want one at the moment, due to bad past relationships as well. I have asked D how he feels about my connection to J, and he says that although he is a bit jealous, at the present he realises that J was there first, so it doesn't affect him too much at the moment, but he said that if me and him were to get into a relationship, he would want me to stop seeing J. His jealousy towards to J is quite obvious, and he has told me that he doesn't want me to kiss or hook up with other guys who aren't J, but he is fine if I want to sleep with or kiss other girls. I do not like this kind of controlling attitude at all, and this is what is keeping me from forming the same emotional bond I have with J. I don't know what J's reaction would be if he knew I was seeing other guys, but since he has made it clear we aren't in a relationship, it is not cheating. Unless I decide to get into a relationship with another boy, I don't feel like it is necessary to tell him who else I sleep with unless me and him were to be in a relationship. I am also talking to another boy at the moment at well, who I am yet to meet face to face, but he has also strongly hinted at sleeping with me, but also sticking around after and perhaps forming a friends with benefits arrangement with an emotional undertone as well. Considering I am juggling potentially 3 guys at once and doing it quite well and enjoying it, I'm wondering if this is a polyamorous arrangement? It is past the friends with benefits stage with both of the boys I'm seeing but not quite in relationship territory. There are emotional connections with them as well as strong sexual chemistry. If both of them were to ask me to be in a relationship with them, and both of them consented to me seeing both of them, I honestly believe I would have no problem doing it. I have always struggled with monogamy, as I have always believed it is possible to love more than one person. I remember when I was about 12, I would daydream about growing up and living in a household where I had several partners. So this is not a new development. Is there a name or label for the current situation I'm in? Is it a form of polyamory? Also, if anyone is in a polyamorous relationship, what are the perks and downfalls of it?
I don't know if It's really polyamory if you aren't in a committed relationship, but I suppose it is getting to that extent. However, if it were to come to that, you would definitely need to have a talk with D about this since jealousy problems shouldn't be involved in a relationship that is open to several people. I also find the idea that you being with girls and not guys is a red flag with him; that belief is highly sexist and controlling behavior. There's no reason that women should be less threatening than men are (they aren't)- sex can be just sex and love can love regardless of the genders involved. So I would definitely have an issue if he wouldn't let you see other guys (since it should be your right to do so). And even more so if you're technically single he shouldn't be jealous anyway, so you definitely need to talk to him about this arrangement. I haven't been in a polyamorous relationship, but they do require a lot of trust and time, but many people are happy with them. Good luck!!
Be very careful with that. People can say they don't mind, but they might start to. But you'll know when that begins to happen, and I am sure you can, if need be, handle it. Otherwise, you two, have laid down what you are. He agreed, you agreed -- that's that. The parts in bold, I would like to address. D says, he is fine with the set up. But he doesn't want you, to be with anybody else but J. This sounds very odd, especially considering, he is making an exception to the one thing, he doesn't want you doing -- being with other guys. I think he might be 'feeling' this out, and seeing if he can't, in the end, be the last man standing. Now, the part about him not minding, if you get with another woman. That works to your benefit, but to me, it seems offensive. If he doesn't want you being with another guy, why is it okay to be with another girl? Is he implying that a woman isn't equal to a man? Is he assuming, that nothing serious will happen with a woman, and he, by default, will be the last man standing? There's... a few red flags, I gather, from just that. Now, the last part. I'd agree, partially. You can do as you like, but I feel, if you sleep with somebody, you should be honest about that. Not to bring morality into this, because I won't say you're right or wrong here. But for a health reason. If you are juggling multiple individuals, so can they. I would, at least, get tested. Otherwise, you handle your business. His intentions seem rather... well, straight forward. It's one thing, to want to sleep with someone, but to hint that, they will. That... is a bit discouraging, and revealing of potential intentions. I could be wrong, but it seems like he wants one thing. If it is bad, he'll leave. If it is good, he might stick around, to see what happens. It is a relationship. It just isn't what most perceive, or think of, when they hear the word. I'd say, for sake of simplicity, it is still friends with benefits. I'd say, it is a form of poly-something. But you won't know that, until J finds out, what is going on. He may say you aren't in a one-on-one relationship, but that's one thing, when nothing is challenging that. You might get a better idea, of who he is, if you mention the other guys. All that said. You know what you're capable of. I'm not going to judge you, but I will stress this. When you are sexually active, a lot, and even more so, with multiple partners in short periods, it is almost mandatory to get checked. You don't know what could happen, between each session.
