What are the stages of being gay...

It's always possible that I am missing the point of your questions--I've never really thought of it as having stages--but I'll give answering your question a go.

First off, let me just say you could be bi. That being said, I will say that what you are describing pretty much describes my early experience of being gay and, well, I've known a lot of gay guys over the last twenty some-odd years and I've come to realize that my experience (which now that I think of it could be expressed as stages) is fairly common.

I knew from a fairly early age that I was attracted to men sexually. The idea of this being expressed as romance or as a relationship really didn't enter my mind. Part of that for me was that it was twenty some-odd years ago and I really didn't have a notion that was even an option--but I really think it's not that different today in terms of young people really realizing that the sexual feelings they have for the same sex could have exactly the same import that the sexual feelings their peers have for the opposite sex do. I think that even though society is much more open than it was there's still sort of underlying message that our attractions are about sex rather than romance. So anyway as a young person I was sexually attracted to guys but emotionally attracted to women and it seemed sexually attracted to them as well. I actually was quite sexually active with women and had the sort of relationships one has in high school and college. The sex felt good and frankly having the "right" kind of attractions felt good. Sex and romance and all that was nice--it wasn't quite like it was in the movies and the songs and all, but what really is, right?

And then I finally actually had some experience with guys. It started with a kiss. I had a good friend who was one of a few out gay people I knew. He was actually a friend of a roommate of my mine who visited fairly often. We had a lot in common--same major, same interests, same teams and, well, he was adorable and I was rather smitten. But I wasn't out, I had a girlfriend, etc. etc. I kind of could tell that he could tell about me but he was respectful and all--until one night he got drunk at a party and I as one of the people there who didn't drink was in charge of making sure he got home safely. We made it back to the dorm and then there in the lobby he kissed me--and it was actually like lightning through my soul. Literally, my legs gave out and we fell to the floor there in the lobby all tangled up. And that stupid kiss with a drunk guy was more romantically charged than any of the relationships I'd had, all the sex I'd had. In short it really was just like in the movies--I finally knew what everyone was singing about. And all the sudden I knew that this had to be a part of my life and that it wasn't just, or even principally, about sex. I never even slept with the guy from Princeton but that kiss totally changed my life.

Over the course of the next few months as I became more accustomed to the idea of being with guys and actually did a bit of it all my attraction to women, both romantically and sexually, evaporated literally almost over night. I've actually been with more women than many of my straight male friends but I haven't been with a woman or really even looked at one that way for twenty-two years or so. I once didn't think I was emotionally attracted to guys and now I've been with the same wonderful man for 17 years. So I guess I will just say that the fact that you fantasize about women may or may not mean anything, especially if you haven't had much experience with men or women--the fact of the matter is there are a lot of reasons for a young man to want to be attracted to women and from what I've heard from guys I've known it's fairly common to be attracted to women in one's youth even if you are gay--or, well, you could always be bi. Try to be open to whatever comes along in life and something will come along that will make you happy and make you whatever you are supposed to be.

 

Like OGS, I had a few (very few) girlfriends in the past (probably not as many as he did ), and yes it was nice enough. But I could have had many more, and when I did manage to find one, I seldom initiated anything, including the relationship itself. I lacked a certain...motivation.

Marriage, then kids, overtook my life and I did the best I could, but being gay doesn't go away. What happens in stages is not that you get more and more gay, it is closer to the truth to say that your resistance to these feelings gets weaker over time, your self-understanding gets stronger and suddenly, if still married or with a GF, you are left with a massive case of cognitive dissonance.

As with OGS, my first experience with a guy was earth-shattering, it made me understand the difference between a firecracker and an atom-bomb. At present any vestiges of sexual attraction to women have evaporated. Nevertheless, I can still appreciate a beautiful woman, I just know that it will never go beyond that; more telling, I don't miss it, I don't regret accepting this, which goes a long way to validate my feelings for guys.

 

there are no stages, youre either homosexual or youre not

if youre somewhere inbetween, youre obviously bisexual

 

I'll try explaining it:

Upon reaching stage-4 terminal gayness your g-cells (gay-cells), which by now have spread everywhere in your body forming sparkly star-shaped clusters, will start accumulating rainbow-coloured pigments until they burst, the effects of which cause you to feel lust for the same sex, usually followed by intense orgasms.
This effect cannot be reversed, which is why you should have regular health checkups to avoid becoming this gay. In case of elevated g-cell count patients are usually treated with high doses of fabuloumycin (500mg).

No seriously, what kind of question is that?

 

Yeah it does. Sometimes you just accept it and live your life the way you want too begin with. I had to accept my feelings for girls over guys while my mother tells me I'm just curious and don't know what I want. Just listen to your heart and guts. They help very much when you are in a pickle.