1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Sexual Orientation, Tests etc. Neverending confusion

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Zonnyy, Nov 7, 2014.

  1. Zonnyy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2014
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hello.

    I have been questioning my orientation for the last 8 months. Im a 28 year old male, and questioning this started around my 28th birthday.

    Before this the thought never occoured to me. But I have allways been kinda homophobic to some degree even though I have met some gay people and never thought much about it. I don't have anything against gays, but I am ofcourse afraid of being one myself.

    So anyway, I have had around 10 girlfriends and sex with maybe 20. I'm very easily aroused, and just by laying next to a girl in the sofa is making me horny and aroused. "Blue balls" (for those who know about it) is a common thing for me if I can't release the "preasure" the same evening.

    I'm currently in therapy for my anxiety that has been going on for the last 7 years. Unrelated to this sexual confusion, but we are talking about that aswell. But there is no progress on that topic as of yet.

    I have taken alot of tests online, even though I know that is not a great indicator, but I guess it must mean something. They allways end up like 30% bisexual or something in that area.


    So, have I felt love? I do belive so, but this questioning is making me ask all kinds of questions like "have I realy? What is love?".

    When it comes to guys, I can notice a handsome man. Not the body, but the face. I never get sexual thoughts, dreams or fantazies (never had them) but when I'm testing myself I do try to implement them to see my reaction. It often ends up with a "grossed out" feeling. Kinda like a semi gag reflex.

    But why can't I come to terms with this? Why is it never going away? Im trying to accept bisexual, but it doesn't help. Every day is a new question without answers.

    It's like coming on full gay is like an easy way out, but then again it feels very wrong and I know I would allways prefer having sex with a girl if the opportunity arised.

    I have thought about going on gay dating sites just to meet someone and see what will be the result of it, but Im afraid. Afraid I'll leave very early, afraid I'll push the person away if he tries to kiss me. That sort of things.

    When it comes to testing by porn (I also know this is not the best indicator):

    * Picture of pure nude female : aroused
    * Picture of pure nude male : tingling in the groin, but no arousal.

    * 100 % Lesbian porn : Super aroused
    * 100 % Gay porn : semi-aroused. Like 20%
     
    #1 Zonnyy, Nov 7, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2014
  2. Najlen

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2014
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    221B Baker St, and the TARDIS (I wish)
    I personally don't think that porn indicates anything.Romantic and sexual orientations are separate things, and not everybody's match up. You sound like you could be romantically attracted to guys but not so much sexually. Also, it can take a long time to come out to yourself, even if you know your orientation it can take a long time to accept it. You could be bi with female preference, or something like that. The Kinsey Scale can be helpful also. Hope this helps.
     
  3. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I absolutely agree with Grey Wanderer. People can tell you that Gay = dick + dick but its a hell of a lot more than just that. Everyone is so different.

    Just because you don't know anyone that is like you, it doesn't immediately ostracize you from society. It just means that you're different. Since when has everyone agreed about something anyways.

    Since we're talking about porn, I also agree that it isn't the green light for sexual orientation. If there's anything that porn does, it actually confuses people about their orientation. I remember when lesbian porn turned me on, now I find it boring because 2 empty sockets aren't really the action I like the see anymore. Softcore turned to hardcore. My porn has evolved to gay porn, and it's fair to say that porn in general has ultimately screwed up my life. I can never stop looking at people sexually. I want it out of my head but it doesn't go away.

    Don't let the dopamine get to you bro.
     
  4. jay777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    You might have a look at this:
    Am I Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender?

    I'd say take your time...

    You might think about what you really would like in a partnership... and what kind of partner... not over obsessing but giving it a few thoughts, like the core of what a partner you would like...

    You might think about porn because the partnership dimension is usually left out, concentrating on fast releases...

    You might take it slow and try to get to know people, what you have in common etc... then taking it from there...
     
  5. seeking

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2013
    Messages:
    371
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    philadelphia, pa
    It's normal to question your sexuality at any age. I think we all do this at some point, either earlier in our life or mid-ish way through. I am not a man, but from my personal experience and i can only speak from mine. I can notice a handsome man... and think wow he is good looking, nice jaw line, pretty eyes, nice body, etc. If i become to know the guy i could be like he has a great personality. But, if i was to actually try to be with him physically or in a romantic way...It would feel so wrong to me deep inside, before i even fully knew i was a lesbian. It felt so wrong, just not right. When i was sexual with a guy it was gross to me...It made me feel uneasy.

    So from that quote i quoted. I would ask yourself.. are you grossed out because society still has a strong hand in teaching people that homosexuality is wrong (even if not directly putted that way) or are you genuinely grossed out because this is just not for you?

    You can love someone of the same sex and not be gay in my opinion. And i don't mean love like they complete your world and you only want to put your full amount of self/energy into this person. When i say love in this sense i mean you love them for who they are and you appreciate them being in your life and being supportive of you.

    I don't think porn is a good indicator either. I can look at all types of porn and get turned on....I think you can fantasize about stuff... but in reality you do not actually like it. Just like you can fantasies about a nice sweet juicy apple, but when you actually eat it.. it's not as amazing as the fantasy or you just don't like it at all. Hope that explained it a bit.

    If you are bisexual, I would say you have a strong preference for women.

    Let time tell and go to whoever you are drawn to. Do you think something triggered you to start questioning your sexuality? Like you met an old classmate from highschool who is now engaged to his boyfriend or some encounter like that. If it was something like meeting a happy gay couple. Could you possibly be jealous of the love between the two and it's just coming up in this manner?

    Anyway I hope this helped. This is just my thoughts and opinion. I hope i didn't offend you in any manner. (*hug*)
     
    #5 seeking, Nov 8, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2014
  6. Jax12

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,875
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah now that I think of it, porn in general turns me on because it cuts of the relationship aspect of it, like you said. It's quick, easy, and doesn't require any effort to get it going.