I'm 18 and a senior in high school, I like girls, do I talk to them/do they talk to me? no, do I wish I could/they would? yes. Now a days I don't get all super erect looking at sexually suggestive photos/videos of women like I normally would years ago, but I'm still drawn to them. I would always look at female models, watch videos, etc. but rarely would I be highly aroused even if it's a naked woman (but I still like it), unless I masturbate. I watch porn occasionaly (used to be all the time, now it's hardly ever) and I realized how I became a little more focused on the penis, it began arousing me instantly and I began to question myself. Eventually I found myself to be aroused by gay porn because it had in there exactly what turned me on but soon enough I would miss looking at women. Recently, I've had frequent thoughts every so often about whether or not I want to find other guys to talk my age who are like me because I pretty much suck in the girl department since I started high school (they don't seem interested and I'm not confident). And it's not for sex, I don't want to have sex with guys as far as I'm concerned, but yet I feel like I want a guy friend who I can talk to who is specifically similar to me. As I said, I don't think about this everyday but it runs through my mind frequently. I do like girls, but I don't see myself having a future with one as of now. I want to befriend guys who aren't neccessarily gay but are attracted to penises and have other things in common with me but I also don't see myself having a future with one nor do I want one. I'm trying to keep this honest because I don't have anyone else to give me advice, am I bi? gay? in denial? Should I just find guys to talk to? give up on girls?
It's true that sexual attraction comes into play for determining what your orientation is, but you shouldn't use that as your "green light" for a specific label. You see, for a while now I have been coming to terms with myself that I am gay. I mostly fantasize about the penis, stare at older men's bulges, and pretty much think of every sexual act with them. Sounds like I'm gay right? Probably. But being gay isn't just about the gay sex, it's about developing an attachment to that person because of who they are as a person, not just because they look hot. It's the same with any other orientation. I remember when lesbian/straight porn was arousing. It's turned from softcore porn to hardcore. Then what about girls? To be honest I'm not sure myself, but I won't rule out the fact that something could happen with a girl because I don't have enough experience to confirm that. A lot of times I'm attracted to girls because of their personality and how they make me feel inside. It's enough to get me thinking about what it means. Just remember that sexual attraction isn't everything.
