Hi, my name is Emily and I recently joined EC. I thought I would share my story so I can gain clarity on my sexual orientation through getting feedback from other people who are in similar positions as me. I am 19 and came out as bisexual to a large group of friends just over four months ago. I always knew that I was attracted to girls, both sexually and emotionally, but I always struggled with how I feel about guys. I look at boys and think some are good looking and cute. I also like the attention I get from boys and how they make me feel protected. This past year I have been thinking a lot about my sexuality and I began to question whether I like hooking up with boys because it makes me feel normal or because I am genuinely sexually attracted to them. This is something I have yet to figure out. Here is where the story gets interesting.. after me coming out as bisexual, I was approached by a friend asking if I could have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Immediately I said no seeing as I just came out and hadn't even kissed a girl yet. sure enough, we were at someone's cottage, we were both drunk and she asked if she could kiss me. The following weekend, after more drinking, I ended up having the threesome. I won't get into details but this definitely helped me in my sexual orientation identification; I realized that I definitely like girls. It also may be important to note that much of the kissing involved was between her and I and that I was much more turned on by her than I have ever been by any boy. I am still, however, conflicted about how I feel about boys and need further clarification with that. I want to trust my instincts (which tell me that I'm not attracted to guys) considering I had correctly determined that I was attracted to girls prior to even kissing one! I struggle with being different and saying the word lesbian totally freaks me out. I feel like, by saying that I'm bisexual, I am still holding onto normalcy. I fit the profile of a straight girl. I like girly things, I straighten my hair, do my nails and act just as all my straight friends do. After telling my close friends that I'm bisexual, they either thought I was doing it for attention or was just taking my slight attraction to girls way too far. I was so concerned about other people accepting me and my sexual orientation that I forgot to think if I would accept myself. On one hand I think i'm fully and only into girls, but on the other hand, I feel wrong for liking girls and feel much more comfortable expressing my interest in boys. This is why I don't know if i'm genuinely bisexual or if I actually am a lesbian and am just in denial. I would love to hear what you guys have to say, any feedback is welcome! It would also be great to know that other people are going through similar situations and to know that i'm not alone. Thanks for reading!
I think this is a question that you can only answer yourself, sorry. Know that whether you are bisexual or lesbian, that is normal. And remember, lesbians can be girly too. It's just society's stereotypes that enforce the idea that they are butch or don't paint their nails or straighten your hair. You just have to realize yourself what you're sexual orientation is. There are bisexuals who have a preference for girls. Sexuality is complicated.
I agree with Lauren. You'll get a variety of responses here but over time you'll understand yourself more. Don't stress it so much, because when you find out who you truly are in the end, you'll be much happier. Just remember that a relationship isn't just sexual attraction.
