So I casually came out about six months ago. All I did was start casually mentioning girls or my orientation on my facebook like it was nothing. This felt liberating and good at first. I also dress how I like to go to class and on days I don't work. Physically I feel much better. But i still frequently feel shame and wonder why I'm different from the women all around me. I don't want to be. I keep wondering if there might be a way to change if I get around more men or make an attempt to become more trusting and less blocked off to people? I'm just feeling a lot of distress but don't know where to start to grapple with it and this has been ongoing!!
I can relate, in a sense. I felt that way for a long time, and went as far as trying to change. It didn't work so well. I married a guy, knowing full well I was a lesbian... A few years later I just couldn't deal with being unhappy anymore, my depression had gotten so much worse, not better. I may be single now, but at least I don't have to pretend.
I'm where you are right now. I feel like it's true, I'm gay or bi, but I don't want to be and I'd give anything just to be interested in men. What's been working for me is talking to people I trust about it, especially those within the LGBT community who have been out for a few years. They get it better than anyone and will have some good advice for you.