Hi, I am a 21 year old caucasian male currently attending university in Canada. I have grown up for most of my life believing that I was straight. As a young pre adolescence I was bullied for being "gay" quite often, I'm not certain exactly why. When it first commenced I believed It was because I would regularly hug and wrestle with my close male friend, however it continued well after we stopped that behavior. As a teenager the explicit bullying subsided however the doubts and confusion never really did. It's many years later and I have never had an intimate sexual relationship with anyone male or female. My few encounters of a sexual nature (kissing, dancing, touching) have occurred with females and I still watch straight orientated pornography. I have however been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and my psycologist asked me about my sexuality. I guess I do not have any specific questions, I just feel unable to trust myself. On one hand I think I'm afraid to trust and listen to myself and honestly explore my sexuality. On the other hand I'm afraid of misinterpreting what could quite possibly be other psychological or health issues, as a crisis of sexuality.
When i was in junior high, a lot of my friends like to flick other guy's nipples LOL. So I did the same because it was funny to see how they would react. I know a guy who wrestles with his close male friend as well, just like you. I know they're not gay, or bisexual at the very least. My friends and I always make fun of them having this bro-mance. I also have major depressive disorder, and my psychologist also will discuss with me about my sexuality. So you're not alone there, but from what you provided, it seems as if the bullying has been so severe that it has, to some degree, convinced you that you may be gay. However I cannot say more because you have not talked about your attraction towards males. How do you feel around them? Would you date them? Are there any traits about guys that make you want to be in a relationship with them? Try not to put porn as part of the equation. It only makes things more difficult as it already is.