So according to AVEN wiki: "Romantic attraction is a feeling that causes people to desire a romantic relationship with a specific other person." But I thought one could desire a romantic relationship with out feeling romantic attraction, and vise versa. So with or without the desire for a romantic relationship, how is one supposed to know what romantic attraction truly is? I am either a gay female or aromantic/grey romanitc. In the past I've desired a romantic relationship with the opposite sex, but looking back, I don't think I felt this 'romantic attraction' towards this male. I just really enjoyed his personality, and at the time desired a romantic relationship. I realized that I wasn't straight probably because the thought of kissing him felt wrong (as well as all other physical gestures aside from hand-holding.) His company was desirable, as well as his appearance... seriously he was cute. ^_^ So, I'm definitely very very gay and inexperienced (I go to a school with less than 100 kids and have 0 social life with friends my age, my social life is with people who are 10-20 years older than me.) Or I'm very very aromantic/grey-a and the reason that I can't figure out this whole romantic attraction thing is because I don't feel it. To be honest, I do hope I am truly gay just because I think dating girls with all the good feels would be AWESOME to experience. The romantic attraction definition confuses me heavily. I'm definitely VERY physically/sensually/sexually attracted to girls, I have been that way since 2nd grade. Case closed. I want to know what romantic attraction is, or if I have felt it so I can possibly label myself gay. To be honest I don't want to be aromantic. I want to fall in love. I love romantic films and stories involving the same sex, they make me warm and fuzzy. But I need to know for sure if I feel or don't feel romantic attraction. Please help I've having a very hard time it hurts my head and heart.
well, i mean, you can have sex without feeling sexual attraction, but that wouldn't really be a good idea, and i imagine pursuing a romantic relationship without romantic attraction would be the same idea as well Is it possible that that feeling you had for the boy was actually just platonic feelings? As in, wanting to be his best friend, and then just happening to find him physically attractive as well? In the most basic, basic definitions, sexual attraction is just wanting to have sex with someone and romantic attraction is just wanting to have romantic relations with someone, but it's a lot more complicated than that, which is why a lot of people get confused as hell about it, including me
I think wanting is different then attraction, so using the words desire and want in the definition of what attraction is confuses me. Like, I've desired a romantic relationship with the boy I was speaking of despite the romantic and sensual/sexual attraction. Of course, now I would never enter a romantic relationship with him because I know I just really wanted a friendship. I'm interested in pursuing a girl right now. I can remember as far back as 2nd grade being physically attracted to girls. (Very innocent then of course, but nonetheless, physical.) ...but I want to some how convince myself that I'm feeling romantic attraction towards her so I can have an excuse to enter a romantic relationship. I wouldn't want to enter a romantic relationship if I was aromantic because I'd want to fall in love as they fell in love with me. That'd seem unfair to me, I'd want things to be mutual. I do know that I want to marry a girl that I love... whether I can be 'in love' is a whole other story I guess. I can think of 6 girls right now that make my heart melt lol. I literally feel like my heart is melting when I look at them in a mushy gushy way. I don't know if I've ever felt full on butterflies before. If I have, it would be when this one girl turned around and this was the first time I saw her face I could feel my heart pulsing out of my chest... she was so insanely beautiful. Now, think the big problem with our definition of 'romantic attraction' is that it has the word 'romantic' in there twice without ever explaining what that is. By saying: 'romantic attraction is being drawn towards someone in a romantic way / wanting a romantic relationship with them', we're only effectively defining attraction. The 'romantic' bit in there remains unexplained. I'm personally still unclear what the difference between platonic feelings and romantic feelings is.
Between sexual, romantic, and platonic feelings - it's all very, very blurry. The general saying is that it's what you define it to be, and it's different for everyone. An example is how some people consider cuddling sexual, but I don't see it as sexual at all. I consider it more romantic and possible a tiny bit platonic with very close friends. To put this in a huge example, let's say Bob is confused as hell and he really has no idea if he's aromantic. He doesn't like to kiss and things - and he views them as romantic. However, he really likes to cuddle, and everyone says that it's romantic. But Bob doesn't think so. He thinks cuddling is completely platonic. Therefore, he's aromantic, even though he likes to do something that is usually considered romantic. But, you can't give someone a blowjob and claim that it isn't sexual - it isn't THAT wide. Just, within reason, you know? Like, in some countries and cultures, kissing isn't necessarily romantic, so some people consider it both platonic and romantic.
I think separating your sexual orientation and your romantic orientation will help a LOT. Generally yes, a person's sexual and romantic orientation are the same and interchangeable so differentiation isn't needed. BUT in your case, it sounds like it is probably needed. You like girls physically/ sexually. You are gay. Done and over. Now you can figure out your romantic orientation, meaning who you actually want to be in a relationship with. It's not gay OR aromantic. There are plenty of gay aromantics (Meaning they have sex with the same sex, but have no romantic desires or wishes to be in a traditional gf/gf or spousal relationship). So defining what a romantic relationship is to you, and if you desire that with a specific person or any person ever, is probably a personal decision which we probably can't help much with. If you are genuinely interested in pursuing any type of non-platonic relationship with a girl, just take an hour or however long to sit and think. Write down all the things you KNOW you want to do, things you DON'T, and things that are iffy/ maybe/ negotiable/ may change over time for that potential relationship. What terms are you comfortable with? Would she be your girlfriend/ partner? Etc.
When you meet someone, and all you can think of during the day, is the next time you get to see/chat with them. When you hurt, when they are hurting, when you are happy, when they are happy, when you care for them with all your heart. When your heart is tearing itself apart, when you can't be with them. When all you can think about is being together, embracing each other and just staying like that forever. When for once in your life, you put the needs of another, in front of yours. When you simply can't imagine life without them. *thread* - Can't add anything that wasn't already said. Basically, separate sexual/romantic orientation (as was said).
I feel like I've felt this way towards girls and boys to some extent... is this what falling in love is like? ---------- Post added 11th Nov 2014 at 02:03 PM ---------- Thanks, that reply helped a lot narrow things down in my mind. I don't view some kissing as romantic, such as spin the bottle kissing and random stuff. But in general, I would say I view some kissing as romantic... possibly like that cliche kiss you see in the movies... or candlelight dinners. It's almost this mushy gushy feeling I can't put into words.
I think so! But then again, it's my first time, so... I wouldn't trust me on that one, if i were you.
Hmmm okay, I'm still confused on my orientation..... idk..... I just hope I fall in love with someone.
I agree that the definition is incorrect. I imagine it to be getting excited by the thought of doing romantic things with someone.
I'm glad I am not alone in thinking the definition is a bit off. I think 'romantic things' is subjective too. At this point, I just want to fall in love but I'm afraid I can't.... so I'm honestly just trying to figure out if I feel romantic attraction which is very tricky to define. After all, I think less than 1% of the population is aromantic...
