Hello Everyone, I apologize if I’m all over the place with my story, and if it doesn’t make the most sense in the world. Words are not my strong-suit. I just need someone else to hear this I guess… Idk First, I am a male age 25. This whole thing started with me coming to the realization that I have never been attracted to women, not physically, sexually, or emotionally. I told my good friend about this and that I think I might be gay about 8 months ago. That night I completely fell apart crying, because I did and do not want to be gay. I mean no offense to anyone with this statement. After that night, I basically repressed the whole thing and tried my hardest to not think about it. Turns out that wasn’t the greatest idea as it just sent me into a deeper depression than I was already in. Fast forward to about a month ago and I tell some of this to a psychiatrist (amongst other things) and he referred me to a therapist. After seeing the therapist for a while, I am feeling better overall and have started down the road of accepting that I may be gay. However, I have a lot of doubt. As I said before, I have no attraction to women, but I have no sexual attraction toward men. I can however see myself in a romantic/emotional relationship with a man. To make things more confusing is that I have never been in a relationship with either sex. Also, I rarely find men that I see attractive. There have been a few that I found hard to stop looking at though. Looking at pictures of both sexes on the interwebz, I find that women are beautiful and some even drop dead gorgeous, but that is as far as it goes. With men, it is similar I guess. Pictures of ‘hot’ guys don’t do anything for me, but I can see why people say that are hot. The same thing goes for handsome guys. I made a profile on a dating website just to look at some guys. The vast majority of them did absolutely nothing for me, but there were a few that were kinda cute. The ones that I felt really attracted to though, were the ones who ‘spoke’ to me through the description of themselves and their ideal partner. It didn’t hurt that they were cute either. I don’t know where to tie this in, so I’ll just throw it here: I fancied a girl in high school, but that didn’t go anywhere. And there was this one girl in college who was great and at the time I would have liked a relationship with her, but she was already in a relationship with someone else. I don’t know how far it would have gone though, but that is neither here nor there. Thinking about her now, I would describe her as the perfect woman for me. She is smart, beautiful, funny, in a similar field as me, and we have some similar interests. Looking back over my entire life, she is the only woman who I’ve met that I would consider dating/being with. (Having reread this, this seems stupid.) But now I don’t know if there was/is anything there for her emotionally or if it was excitement or something. I don’t know. Now I’m more confused than ever. :bang: Again, I apologize if this is convoluted as all hell. I guess my question for you all is: do you think I’m gay or not? What are your thoughts? Let me know if there is anything else you want to know for clarification.
Hey, I'm sorry that you're having a rough time right now-know that as time goes on, the stress and anxiety will abate. Because you say you can't see yourself having sex with either a man or a woman, I'm inclined to say you're asexual, perhaps demisexual as you said that you could have seen yourself dating your friend. In the end, labels don't really matter; we know what we feel and as long as it's consenual, act on it.
If you can see yourself being in a gay relationship, you're probably gay or bisexual. I can definitely relate to your feelings when looking at "attractive" men and women. I find women to be very beautiful, and I used to be aroused by women because that's what I thought I was supposed to feel. Men, however, give me a different feeling. I can find them aesthetically pleasing, but arousal isn't very common. For me the nature of my sexuality is based on my thoughts and feelings inside my brain and not necessarily what the outward signs are; I do not have any wish to ever put my penis in a vagina. Vaginas are honestly repulsive to me. I have never found boobs enticing either. I do want to have sex with a man. I find the idea of a penis very arousing, and I find men attractive sexually. I don't really see myself ever having as deep of a romantic connection with a woman as I hope to find with a man. I think that often porn or the internet can confuse our brains even more. I know what I want, but when I watch porn I get confused as to what my feelings truly are. In my experience, it's best to avoid it if possible. Hope this helps. Good luck
Thank you PositivelyMe. About the asexual thing, this will probably sound strange, but its not that i don't want sex. It's that I can't imagine myself doing it with some random person I see or imagine up. I want a full relationship and all the things that come with a good one, sex included. I just can't see myself doing. I'd like to think that after I get to know someone and the relationship gets more serious and we love each other, that the sexual attraction will come. Thanks EpicConfusion. It's nice to see I'm not alone in how I feel.
To me, it sounds like you're at the very beginning of your journey when it comes to your sexuality. Remember, eight months ago, the idea that you might be gay filled you with terror. Talk to your therapist. There's a huge broad spectrum when it comes to sexuality and you could fall anywhere on that spectrum. Some people feel that their romantic and sexual attraction are seperate, for example: they are sexually attracted to women, but romantically attracted to men. Or that they aren't sexually attracted to either gender. My instinct is to tell you that it's really too early to jump to any conclusions. I think there's still room to grow and understand your sexuality more. For example, you may need to find someone you have a deep emotional connection with before you find them sexually attractive. The main thing to remember is not to worry about attaching a label to yourself at this stage. Find whatever, and whoever, makes you happy and use that as your guide. I know it's stressful, but don't beat yourself up about this (*hug*) - you will be okay!
Hey don't worry. In the beginning when I realized that I could be gay, I said the exact same words you did : I didn't want to be gay. I have nothing against the LGBT community whatsoever. I honestly think that people deserve to live how they want to live without discrimination. It is VERY common to use sexual attraction as the "go-to" indicator for sexual orientation. I mean, if you find that person attractive you'd want to have sex with him/her right? But this is where it get's confusing, this is where the grey area is (at least for people who are unsure of their sexuality). If we put porn as part of the equation, then it doesn't work: Porn =/= Reality I went from lesbian, to straight, and now, to gay porn. I have taught my mind that it will only get off to extremely hardcore material, and lately I have been looking a live cams of guys. I NEVER would have thought that my porn addiction would go that far. I've even wanted to meet with guys in my area to have sex. I'm getting desperate, and I know it. As much as I wanted to have sex with this big macho hairy guy, I WILL regret losing to someone when I'm still confused of what my orientation is. With that said, I don't think I'm predominantly gay, because I don't feel any attraction to guys like I do with girls. Sure, society showed us that "opposites attract", but if you really aren't attracted to the opposite sex, then same-sex attraction would make more sense for you. Lets not forget the fact that bisexuals also exist, and that it's not black and white as most people describe. As humans we like to fit people in these tight little boxes so we can identify people, but in reality it NEVER works like that because we're like snowflakes; we're all different.
I'd fuck a sentient, consenting alien as long as the parts fit... what's the label for that... LOL Craig, I've got the same thing you have, I've never wanted promiscuous sex with strangers. I've wanted meaningful relationships that had sex as a component. There's nothing wrong with that I think. Just forces you to be a little more celibate than those that just enjoy sex for itself.
What you're describing most closely relates to demisexual, but could also be gray-a, or somewhere closer to the asexual side of the spectrum. Gray-A / Grey-A - AVENwiki But for now, trying to find a label just for label-sake will run you into the ground emotionally. So just see where life takes ya
Sigh... Exactly where I'm at right now. I KNOW I want to be with a girl, but the gay pornography has clashed with reality and now all I can think of is older guys that look strikingly similar to the ones in porn. It's a struggle, especially when you keep relapsing.
It really is hard. I actually relapsed this weekend, and I'm trying not to hate myself for it. Add me if you would like and it might help if we can try to keep each other in check. I'm here to talk if you need me
Maybe you're demisexual or a grey A? But maybe not. You might just have a specific type of person/personality you're attracted to. I wouldn't worry too much anyway, it's not important to slap a label on yourself. Just go with what feels natural. If you're convinced you only like guys than fall for a girl, it's not an outrage or a big deal whatsoever haha
