I'll see if I can explain this: I have more or less made up my mind that I'm definitely not straight, but I've never been in any romantic relationship. Last year I had a crush on a girl who I really didn't know at all (so it was pretty much based on appearances...), and got very nervous talking to her and imagined going out with her or kissing her or whatever. Not sexual stuff, because I don't think that interests me much. But I was kind of obsessed with her, looked her up online, looked for her at school all the time, tried to invent reasons to run into her and try to have a conversation, hoping it would lead somewhere.. Then I became friends with her, not telling her how I felt about her. And over time, I wanted more just to be friends with her and less to go out with her. I also discovered that she is straight, but my romantic-ish feelings were already mostly faded by the time I knew that. If she had been lesbian or bi and asked me out soon after we became friends, or before, I would absolutely have said yes, but once that didn't happen, I stopped really wanting it. Am I just a realist, adapting to the situation? Did I never really feel attracted to her? Was it just a short-lived obsession? It seems to me that I only feel attracted to people when I don't know them, and after I'm friends with them, I no longer would want to go out with them. I've been calling myself demisexual (because I'm not so interested in sex, but could imagine having some kind of sexual experiences, hypothetically, maybe) but now I'm thinking it could be the opposite--I'd only do okay in a romantic relationship if I didn't know the person at all beforehand and had *no* friendship/bond with them. I have never been a very romantic-minded person--in elementary school I invented crushes on boys because all the book characters I read about had crushes all the time--so maybe I just have never been truly attracted to anyone and should wait longer? I can imagine a relationship, I think, but not all that well with anyone I've ever met in real life. I do think I could be/have been romantically attracted to people in the past, if only slightly. Maybe I could only go out with strangers and hope that if I become friends with them as well as attracted to them, the friendship won't cancel out the attraction? I don't know. Can you make sense of this?
Very similar to me actually. I always have these sexual urge/fantasies to older men but as soon as a conversation is started I no longer see them as a potential sexual mate. At that point they're just another person that I happened to talk to throughout my day. Also happens when there's a beautiful girl that I like, but as soon as I see her flaws I don't like her very much anymore. Happens quite often with girls that I find attractive.
