I've posted here before but didn't get too far. Hopefully I can get some more input that might help me figure out whether I happen to be bi, straight, or flaming lesbian. Points for dudes: - I have always considered men to be attractive - I have had a crush on a guy (in seventh grade) - I may or may not have had more crushes (what do you call it when you think a person is really cool and you want to hang out with them more?) - I have the ability to obsess over male celebrities (but only if they are an amazing person and have played a character I love... think Tom Hiddleston. Loki is kickass.) - When I look at pictures of some of these male celebs, I get that 'oh-my-gosh-they're-so-amazing' feeling - To be honest, if someone as amazing as Michael Fassbender invited me to bed, I'd likely accept Points for girls: - Women are absolutely the bomb. I've always thought them attractive. - I have had a slightly above average fascination with boobs my entire life - Pictures/videos of penises make me physically cringe - If there are boobs or a butt, good luck getting me to tear my eyes away - When I see pictures of female celebrities that I like, my chest seems to freak out a little. In a good way - I really, really want to have sex with a girl - Those half-crush things I mentioned earlier? Confusing as heck when its with a girl - I had this really intense attraction to my best friend for about two years. - Recently, I ran into this girl I knew from a past camp and the entire time my stomach/chest seemed to be having difficulties functioning normally. I could not stop thinking about how close she was to me - I almost always (95 to 5) fantasize about women. - The only cases I can see myself kissing a man would be if it was one of my favourite celebrities or if it was for a dare. However, I would go around kissing every single girl if I could - I don't really want to have sex (or even a relationship?) with a man (although maybe this would change if I had a boyfriend?) - I can't actually explain my obsession I had with Shakira... This got long. Sorry. All responses welcome. Thank you for reading!
To start off, I'd like to say that I've watched porn since I was 11 or 12. I get off to gay porn. I'm always in a constant battle between which orientation I am. My mind can never settle either being bi, gay, or straight; it's obsessive. Today I had webcam session with a guy that I found attractive. You know, the one's that I like in porn. Long story short, the whole thing felt weird/awkward. Despite the fact that I could orgasm, the level of arousal wasn't the same. I was actually a bit grossed out to be honest, like "I can't believe I'm doing this, it's so weird". And above all, I felt guilty and shocked that I actually had a webcam session with an older man. So with this in mind, it turns out that porn made me think I was gay, but when I tried to "act out" these fantasies that I had with a real person, I didn't enjoy it very much (besides the orgasm of course, those feel good regardless). I felt ashamed, that I tried to make my fantasies a reality. It's clear at this point that I get off to anything that porn will provide, but not when I participate in it. All I can say to you, is using fantasies and porn to determine your orientation will not work. There's a lot more of research you need to do in order to find out who you are. I always thought I was a gay person in denial, but after that webcam session, I seriously need to stop trying to put my fantasies into reality; because in reality, I'm not attracted to guys the same way I'm attracted to girls. Don't let yourself get hooked onto the sexual appeal of people, or else you may end up like me.
Thanks for your response. It gave me some stuff to chew on. However, I do understand that porn is something that will generally elicit a sexual reaction, regardless of the genders involved. When I mentioned the videos and pictures I viewed I was more trying to reference my repulsion to the image of a penis (versus breasts and a vagina) in order to ascertain whether the fact that I find male genitalia off-putting is an indicator of gayness. But seriously, thank you for sharing your input. You are so right that using fantasies and porn is inaccurate.
Yeah I check my arousal level a lot. And I when i get aroused it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, I'll still masturbate to it anyways.
