Hi EC, I've always liked guys, but recently (or more subliminally I guess) I've realized I've really been crushing on this girl. I am not entirely sure where I stand in terms of sexual orientation and I'd really appreciate some clarification. I've always thought some girls were pretty or just generally attractive, but I've also dated guys before as well. This has really been eating away at me for the past few months or so, so a quick reply would be helpful. Sorry if I'm not being entirely informative -- if you need to know more information, post below. Thank you, Madisyn
My response might be a little vague. I'm still pretty young and going off of my own experience. I've dated multiple guys, but never for very long, and it was always more of a "we're more like best friends" thing. For a year or so I was really hoping I was straight. I wanted to like guys, I pushed myself into thinking "I think this guy's attractive.. so I must like him." Yeah, that was pretty crazy. I think I just assumed my family wouldn't accept it, and I didn't want to accept it. Once I began to like a girl, things changed. In your case, I wouldn't say that just because you're crushing on a girl means you're gay or anything. I think it could really mean anything.Plenty of my straight friends will agree with me when I say that a certain person is attractive. Try to assess how you feel about this girl. If you like her, see where it goes? Talk to her more. Hopefully most of it will evolve and become clearer over time. Good luck! Rissa
I think just finding some girls "pretty or just generally attractive" isn't nearly enough to say you are gay or bi at all. I'm a gay guy and I also frequently girls pretty or generally attractive. But, it is an entirely different reaction than what I have with a guy who catches my eye. That reaction is a bit deeper, and maybe a little less innocent, heh. It is legitimate sexual attraction. It's hard to say more without more details.
I always have to add the disclaimer: no one else can tell you what your orientation is I've always known I was gay. Looking back I can see how much denial I had to engage in to convince myself otherwise. It wasnt just feeling "attraction". I think some guys are really hot, but I am not attracted to them relationship-wise. For me it was a matter of letting myself feel. I cant really comment on you/your experience not knowing you or based on your post. Even if you added more information it may not make a difference. The best bit of advice I could give to a questioning person is to not pressure yourself into coming to any conclusions, or concluding based on a specific time frame. It might seem like stating the obvious but the most difficult part of my questioning process was to not allow myself to be pressured by others observations. Introspect, but dont tear yourself up over it. Good luck!
Based on what you're saying, there are plenty of places you could be re: orientation. Quite possible you could be bi, gay even, but it's not unheard of for people to have an "exception" to the rule of their attractions, which could mean you're basically straight but have a thing for this one girl. So, a few questions for more info: - In what way are you crushing on this girl? Romantic, sexual, emotional- a combination? - Ever had feelings for other girls/ general fantasies about girls (more than just thinking them attractive objectively; attractive to you?) - Did you enjoy dating guys? Did it feel right to you? - If you remove any of society's prejudices and any preconceptions, who would you rather do the deed or have a relationship with? Guys or girls, or a tough time deciding :icon_wink? - Who do you notice more? Are you doing double-takes in public for guys, girls or both? I fully agree with Melanie, I myself found it can be easy to go in circles and end up doing nothing more than drive yourself into the dirt. Imo it's not something you can just sit down one night and reason out; it's an elusive feeling/understanding that will reveal itself over time. You can be aware of it and in touch with what you're feeling, but it's not the sort of thing that will obey any timescales you declare. So the best thing is to think about it, yes, but put it on the backburner. Don't make it your mind's #1 priority, because you can get worked up if you think about it too much.
Thank you to everyone who replied! I really appreciate it and it helped me more than you know! To answer sams questions... It's a combination of them all I think. I did have feelings for other girls and thought they were pretty attractive to me. I was never really able to form a relationship as friends (the girl in question is bi) than I did with this girl. I always thought the guys I dated wee really insensitive but I would definitely give it another go. If all of society's prejudices wee removed, love would be love and it wouldn't matter who you dated, so it wouldn't matter to me. Whoever is more attractive (not just physically though, I mean personality wise too.) I do find it hard to judge personality at a second's glance, though. Thank you!
Okay, from the sounds of it it seems you definitely like this girl and there's an attraction for girls in general. But, it sounds like you could just as easily roll with a guy if he had a good personality, right? So to me it sounds like you could well be bisexual. But it's not like my speculation has a bearing- the main thing is that you feel like this has cleared stuff up
Thank you for your help, sam the man! I really appreciate you and everyone else's comments. You may well be right, Sam, it's just something I'll have to wrap my head around, so to speak. Thank you again! I'll see you guys around EC.
