Ok, that sounds dramatic but it's true! I spend my days and nights trying to define my sexuality. I have a boyfriend who I love very much and I'm very committed too, but when ever we have sex, I think about lesbian porn or imagine a girl going down on me. Im in my 30's and this has pretty much been the way I have enjoyed sex with guys through my entire sexual history. It's almost a mode I switch on during intercourse, like changing gears so that I can climax. I try to look at my boyfriend and feel attracted to him by knowing other girls would find him attractive. Like, Id be jealous of another girl being with him and that makes me want him more if that makes sence?! When I was 12 I found a porno magazine in my parents room. I was so intrigued so I flicked through it a lot but the only image I found arousing was an advert that had an image of a girl going down on another girl. Why would my young 12 year old brain and body respond to that in a sexual way but not the pages and pages of straight sex?? I've never understood that! From there, I found myself fantasising about kissing girls and at one point I had a crush on a female teacher at school. I am attracted to men though. So I'm not gay. It's just--- I'm only attracted to their faces! Isn't that weird? I love a sexy smile, nice eyes, strong jaw, y'know, I know a good looking man when I see one and I feel sexually attracted to them, it's just after a while, when the relationship gets more secure and routine, I go back to using thoughts of girls to get turned on. I'm so sick of trying to work out my sexual preferences. It's doing my head in. To try to expand my sexuality, I started to watch different types of pornography to see what else turns me on, and I discovered watching gay men have sex also turns me on. Am I a straight girl who likes gay porn? Is that all it is? Am I bi? Why does my brain like same sex porn? Well not just porn... I'd like to watch it in real life if I could can someone please tell me how to identify so I can find other people to relate too. I feel completely alone in this!
The biggest weakness we LGBT people is we tend to make our sexuality a really big of a deal sometimes that it ruins our way of thinking things. I know I can't relate to you in some degree but I'll try to make some nice advice. First off, labels are only there because it helps us to find our mates. We put labels in our sexuality because it's easier to understand when making interactions with other people. For example, I labeled my sexuality as gay. That means there is a higher chance that I would fall in love and become sexually attracted to guys. It doesn't mean I couldn't fall in love with a girl, it's just it has lower chances of it happening. Let's just say 99.99% to guys and 0.01% to girls. The percentage is pretty low for girls since that's what gay means(for guys). But life is unpredictable sometimes that maybe someday I could fall in love with a girl. But since it's pretty low and unattainable, would I still find that girl when I know that the chance I have for falling in love/lust with her is significantly low? Of course not. I mean I know I have higher chances to be in love with guys so why try to torture myself in finding that girl? Okay enough about me. Here's what you said: -You have a boyfriend who you love very much and very committed too -You like gay porn -You like the male physique -You're curious about what it's like to go down on a girl and fantasize about it -You had a crush on a female teacher So here's some basic questions: -Do you like penises or the just overall physique of a man -Do you like breasts and vaginas or just the overall physique of a woman -What turns you on, physical attributes or something else? -Are you adventurous with your sex routines? But the real question is, does it really matter? I mean you are already in a committed relationship with the guy you love. Does finding your true sexuality hurt your relationship or strengthen it? If it really bothers you that much, then tell him about it. And try something new in the bedroom, be creative. As I said, labels are only there to find your mate. You already have a mate. Focus on him. Make your relationship a priority. Just enjoy what you have and live life. Okay, that's all I have to say. I hope it helps. :smilewave
Thank you. I don't know why I am so driven to know where I fit in... I just dont understand why watching gay and lesbian porn gets me so aroused???! I have been sexual with one girl but it wasn't very good... We were both inexperienced and nervous. I have kissed a few girls and a spend a lot of time fantasising about being with girls. I just don't know what this all means... I don't like the idea of vagina much! But the idea of a girl pleasuring me is what turns me on (I know lol how selfish) I'm sure in time I could end up liking vagina but right now I don't think much about it, I like watching girls orgasm though. When you ask if I like penis... Hmm, I can tell a nice one from a not so nice one, but I wouldn't say looking at an erect penis does much for me unless I'm watching gay porn. Even writing this I feel so messed up! If I could completely live out my fantasies it would involve me asking gay couples (male and female) if I could watch them have sex. That's something I will likely never actually have the courage to do!! As far as my boyfriend goes, I guess I love him more for comfort, companionship, hugs, y'know, all that stuff. He is very good in bed, he likes to please and I always orgasm. But I find I don't have a lot of interest in getting him off, I only do it to be fair to him. (I'd hate him to ever know that!) I'd be much happier to have another man come in to the room and finish him off for me LOL He'd be horrified to hear that!
