Hi, this will be my third post on the forum so please bear with me! Basically I'm very confused about my orientation, and over the past couple of months it's been giving me a lot of stress on top of my normal social anxiety. Here's my attempt at a summary: -Since I was a young girl I've had loads of girl crushes, mainly on celebrities, friends at school I looked up to, etc. On the flip side, I didn't start having boy crushes until I turned 15 or so, and they were always fleeting. -There was a guy I felt strongly about when I was at Uni, but I didn't say anything to him because I felt like he didn't find me attractive and he was probably out of my league. -I went to an all-girls high school, which means my experience of or with boys was nil until I started University. Even then, I mostly had female friends. -Most of my girl crushes were innocent, even well into puberty, like with me just wanting to be BFFs friends with the girl/woman in question, or wanting to get to know them better outside of school. Then in my second year of Uni I became attracted to one of my best friends (who is straight and now has a bf) and she was the first person I wanted to sleep with. -I'm still a virgin and have no sexual or romantic experience with either gender. The closest thing I came to was making out with a guy, and I realise I only did that because I felt good that somebody found me attractive- I didn't actually feel turned on or anything from kissing him. Also I'm very shy and introverted, so I was nervous about experimenting in case I lost a few friends. -I told some of my friends when I'm at Uni that I thought I was bi, but I was drunk at the time and I don't know whether they took me seriously (especially as I normally commented on guys I found a bit attractive, but never girls). -I get very aroused by girl-on-girl stuff and anything where the female is dominant. I know that watching lesbian porn is not an indicator of seuxality, but in anything m/f I tend to imagine myself as the submissive guy, which might mean something? Why am I only concerned about this? Well I'm working full-time, back at home, and I think I've fallen a female co-worker. We don't work in the same office, but we're based in the same department so I see her pretty much every day. It feels artificial because I barely know her, there's probably a significant age gap (I'm 22 and she must be in her late twenties at the very least), I don't talk to her about anything non-work related...and yet whenever I pass her in the hallway or see her come into my office I get very nervous. I fantasize about sleeping with her, being her girlfriend, going on a date with her. I've never thought this strongly about someone before, male or female. :icon_redf But am I actually seeing her as a potential girlfriend, a crush, or just somebody to look up to? And why is it that whenever I look at girls or boys on online dating sites, or on the street, they don't appear to be as nearly as attractive as my co-worker? Thank you to anybody who reads this, and sorry for the long post! TL;DR version: I'm now emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to a female co-worker, but it might be a crush? What does that make me after years of girl crushes but no sexual experience?
Orientation is based on attraction, not just activity. So don't worry, virgins have orientations too Don't feel like their is a rush to stick a label on yourslef, just go with whatever you feel explains you best. No one can realy tell you what you are. The link is my personal favorite, as it is copmprehensive but still pretty succint in it's definitons. Comprehensive List of LGBTQ+ Term Definitions I would do a quick read over and see if any of those seem like you. Sounds like you are crushing pretty hard. I would pursue her just like you would if it was a guy at the office, although the chance of her missing your advances/ hint-dropping might be higher. Maybe start slowly talking about things that don't concern work, and see how it goes. There is always the possibility that she is either straight, or doesn't have feelings back though
As stated before, your sexual orientation is not based on your experience. There are plenty of people of there who know they are straight yet they've never even had their first kiss. Same applies for homosexuals..bisexuals...pansexual...etc. Honestly, labels are helpful at times, but not necessary. So many people are desperate to be defined. I say enjoy who you are, and don't worry too much about what you are. In regards to the girl, if you feel uneasy because you do not know her that well..get to know her! Fall in love with her, and be careful not to fall in love with the IDEA of her.
Thanks for your responses, much appreciated. I just feel that a label will help me explain to people if my sexuality ever comes up in conversation. Saying "I'm not bi, but I'm definitely not a full lesbian either" (or something to that extent) doesn't cut it for some people and it makes me look fickle, like I'm making it deliberately difficult for them to get to know me better. That is my biggest worry- if I come onto her and she turns out be straight/feelings aren't reciprocated, what will she think of me then? She's more senior than me, so it's not like I can randomly chat with her- trying to flirt, hell, even trying to talk about something non work-related might make me come across as unprofessional. Not to mention the potential rumours that could spread around the department about me. I've only been at this job for nearly three months now...I can't get into trouble this early in my professional career! :icon_sad:
